Brain Stick

Thank you! Now that I've written it down like this and thought about it, I agree that it does feel like more of a manic or mixed symptom than a purely depressive one, but it's so hard to tell these things for sure with everything else that's going on. What I will say is that in my mind, rumination has more of a staring-out-the-window-at-the-rain vibe to it, whereas the experience I was trying to describe feels more like a straightjacket-in-a-padded-room sensation, if that makes sense. Also the way my brain refuses to shut down and the thoughts just keep racing at night... The way it makes me want to scream and throw stuff at the walls... I don't know. I've kind of given up trying to make sense of it because I figure whether it's depression or a mixed/dysphoric state, ECT ought to help either way.

Well... there may be more truth than poetry, as the saying goes, to your reply. Gender dysphoria is something I've struggled with my entire life. And it just never goes away. As I have heard it said: "If you're trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away." So perhaps today's name was a message from non-conscious areas of my brain that the gender dysphoric part of my psyche wants to go shopping? (And not in the men's department either.)

Skeezyks

Quote:

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur .....whereas the experience I was trying to describe feels more like a straightjacket-in-a-padded-room sensation, if that makes sense. Also the way my brain refuses to shut down and the thoughts just keep racing at night... The way it makes me want to scream and throw stuff at the walls... I don't know. I've kind of given up trying to make sense of it because I figure whether it's depression or a mixed/dysphoric state, ECT ought to help either way.

Straightjacket-in-a-padded-room makes perfect sense. From what I've read online, a lot of pdocs don't understand that *whatever it's called* is not willed by people with BD, but happens to us. I think it might be (probably is) connected to racing thoughts.

I think it's a good idea not to try to make sense of it. Ironically, I get stuck on getting stuck...

I wish my mind would stop thinking about it.

I agree that ECT will almost surely help the symptom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks Well... there may be more truth than poetry, as the saying goes, to your reply. Gender dysphoria is something I've struggled with my entire life. And it just never goes away. As I have heard it said: "If you're trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away." So perhaps today's name was a message from non-conscious areas of my brain that the gender dysphoric part of my psyche wants to go shopping? (And not in the men's department either.)

Could be.

Anyway, nice label to choose

For some reason this makes me think of the song ''a dedicated follower of fashion''.. Papa bear likes this song. He is not at all into clothes

Exactly! Like something related to racing thoughts is how it feels to me as well.

Hey @BethRags That is the best way of describing it that I have ever heard! My mind can be like a hamster wheel with a certain worry. And its not mania and different than racing thoughts. If I lose something or cant find something.... its like I cant let it go. I will tear up everything in my path looking for it and its not like its something important like my keys. And example would be ...One time my daughter needed a mechanical pencil for math. I knew we had loads of them. She had regular ones so its not like she couldnt do math at school. I started going through all my hot spots (places where things with no home go) and she was like "mom its ok, I have a pencil I was just asking" but I kept looking for another 5 minutes. She went to school and all day the thought of where those pencils were was in and out of my head.

Getting stuck on getting stuck. SO TRUE! I just have to laugh at how incredibly ridiculous it is.

It will pass eventually. Hang in there Beth.

When I hear this, I do wonder if the dysphoric mania is being inadequately suppressed, spinning up low-grade psychosis. I wonder what a week of serious Depakote might do. Works for me, then we stop it.