[Rebecca1]

Has anyone experienced bizarre delusions that they haven’t since experienced for years? Like, for example, when I was 13 to 15 I had a version of the Truman Show delusion on and off and it resulted in some very wacky thinking and behaviour, but I managed to stop the delusions when I was 15. It was quite scary having this sort of tenuous link with reality and all those excitable emotions. If you did, did you get a diagnosis of bipolar 1, 2, anxiety, bipolar NOS or schizoaffective with it, or was it considered normal? I’m totally interested in hearing about others’ experiences with delusions.

[Coolbreeze74]

When I had my psychotic break, it was tied to some abuse I went through in my 20s. I was in an organization that I'm not going to name but I was very abused there. My delusion was about ppl from this organization drugging and raping ppl in every business. Pretty much everywhere. I also didn't sleep or eat for 5 days. I had to be hospitalized and was given sedatives and antipsychotics. I was in the hospital for about three weeks. It was very scary. I was diagnosed bp 1. That was my first manic episode, (started off in a hypomania and went into a manic episode and then psychotic break.) I had had hypomania since I was like 20. But didn't want to be treated for it bc my winter depressions were so severe. I loved my hypomanias. I still miss them...

I sometimes I go into some of that thinking. But no I've never had a delusion that strong since.

[*Beth*]

Hi Rebecca, I'm trying to understand what you mean. When you describe what you experienced with The Truman Show, how are you differentiating between delusion and imagination?

[Rebecca1]

I sort of genuinely would believe that I was famous and being watched by the world and get quite suspicious, but it would last for several hours and then stop, often being interspersed with excited moods e.g listening to music, getting epiphanies. It’s really difficult to tell if I should be concerned about it because it was so long ago and not technically a delusion

[Moose72]

The book "Gorilla and the Bird" starts out with the main character thinking he's on a tv show. He wanders around NY city thinking he's the main character. Then later, he gets taken to the hospital when he ends up in just his underwear in a subway station. He still believes he is part of a tv show and that all the famous people in his show are actually real. It's a true story by Zach McDermott. Your post reminded me of this book.

[Rebecca1]

Thanks so much for your responses

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Rebecca1

I sort of genuinely would believe that I was famous and being watched by the world and get quite suspicious, but it would last for several hours and then stop, often being interspersed with excited moods e.g listening to music, getting epiphanies. It’s really difficult to tell if I should be concerned about it because it was so long ago and not technically a delusion

I would characterize what you have described as mostly mania with psychotic elements trying to weasel their way more firmly into your brain and life.

Extremely common in bp 1. More common in schizoaffective. Everyday issue in schizophrenia.

My first manic episode was at 41. First full psychosis three months later. My illness is psychosis-dominant now. My specific disease lies just about exactly in the middle between bp 1 and full schizophrenia. Onset toddlerhood. Constantly euphoric and hypo as a child.

According to current DSM taxonomy, I have schizoaffective disorder. I am choosing to call it a bipolar-schizophrenia spectrum illness.

Lastly, I do believe psychosis in subtle forms is far more common in bp 1 than most folks appreciate.

[FluffyDinosaur]

During my teens I went through long spells of believing I was psychic, and it tied into some weird narratives from Mayan mythology and something about being an alien. I thought I could sense people's moods and auras, know about things that happened to them, see omens about the future, and I believed that I could kill myself in my sleep just through willpower. I was never diagnosed with anything at the time, and I still don't know what it was. Now I can't go back and find out. What I do see in retrospect is that I had my first severe bipolar episodes then, and I think they were depressed and mixed episodes.

Now I haven't had delusions of that level for years, so my diagnosis is bipolar 2. Occassionally I get some weird stuff, but it's always sub-threshold and lasts only up to a few days. Like I'll be really paranoid for a week that the IRS is monitoring me, or that some government agency has hacked my computer, is tampering with my meds, etc. I never completely lose the ability to question it, so I don't know what to make of it. It's definitely not full-blown psychosis but I feel like I sometimes "skirt around the edges" of that. I always just kind of shrug it off, but it does make me wonder if it will ever escalate into something more. I believe it happens mostly during my mixed episodes. Those tend to be my most severe episodes, but I think my Pdoc perceives them mostly as depression and doesn't see the manic aspects to the same extent that I feel them.

[otroo]

My last psychotic break i was up for what seemed like weeks and I started getting real paranoid. I thought the government and my wife were plotting on putting me away for life. I kicked my wife and kids out of the house and I screwed all the door and windows shut in my house. I was totally isolated for like a week when my sister came over and talked me into going inpatient.

[Crazy Hitch]

My last psychotic episode I genuinely believed there were spy cameras in the boys change rooms at the school I teach at and they were being used to distribute images all around Australia by gay male teaching staff (who are not gay but my psychosis made me nuts).

I went so far as to email the principal at 3:00am and report it and told him to get the police up into the roof 🤦*♀️

The shame.

Usually I just think I’m totally invincible. I’m born to save the world like a reincarnation of Jesus (not actually Jesus) but I just see myself as being this all important person who must tell everyone about God. Oh dear.

[BNLsMOM]

My first major delusion happened when I was in college. I was not diagnosed until my 30s, over 10 years later.
My delusion was that I thought my college boyfriend who had graduated and lived 2 hours away was cheating on my with his ex who still attended school. I didn’t know her but I had seen pictures. I found out that her dorm’s front door faced my window and I knew that I would know if they had been together if I could just get a glimpse of her. I would be able to read her energy or aura and know that they had been together.
I spent hours watching for her. I skipped classes and only went to public places like the campus center to wait for a glimpse of her.
I don’t remember how long it lasted or how it ended, but I remember feeling desperate to get just one look at her so I would know.

I have had other delusions about people wanting to hurt me in some way and delusions of grandeur about becoming famous by opening businesses and having them take off like wildfire.

I am in a weird space lately too. Not exactly delusional, but full of cognitive distortions that I am trying to challenge.