[Victoria'smom]

I called my T's office to schedule appointments! yay, I never call anyone.....my next appointment is a month from now. So I'm up for a tough month.

[Daonnachd]

My T liked the composition I'm writing for the ECT department where I get treated. I'm so energised by this. I hope to have it completely edited and polished by the time I have ECT again on the 7th Dec.

[*Beth*]

Soupe - outstanding! Wow, that was quick. I hope the rest of the sale goes as smooth as silk.

Daladico - I hope the third time is the charm for your therapy situation.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My T liked the composition I'm writing for the ECT department where I get treated. I'm so energised by this. I hope to have it completely edited and polished by the time I have ECT again on the 7th Dec.

That is FABULOUS! Rock ON!!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My T liked the composition I'm writing for the ECT department where I get treated. I'm so energised by this. I hope to have it completely edited and polished by the time I have ECT again on the 7th Dec.

Very cool. I am excited for you!

[Moose72]

G is getting admitted. The ER people are keeping in close contact with my sister, even though he is 19. She couldn't go in because of covid . They are looking for a bed for him. Hopefully he stays more than one or two days- hopefully they medicate him and watch to see how that goes. My mom says she thinks he's smoking marijuana but I have no idea if he is or isn't. She could just be guessing.

[Nammu]

I remembered to buy wine. It’s just a tiny bottle, holds two glasses. I thought I’d have a drink while our governor speaks tonight. The hospitals are full so new shut downs were announced. I feel bad for him, that’s got to be hard to do. Necessary but hard. He has a wonderful interpreter tho, she’s very good. For the whole southern half of our state there’s only 12 beds available. That’s for all the regular heart attacks, stroke, car accidents and covid, everything. Exactly a year ago yesterday mum went to the ER and had a heart attack. My daughter and her husband were there with me in ER and then my nephew and his wife and after she was transferred a ton of us visited the week she was hospitalized and then afterwards in the nursing home I went everyday. But if it happened now! No one could be with her. I’m so thankful that happened then, not now. Knock on wood that we all stay safe in these trying times.

[Sunflower123]

I feel so very stressed out and overwhelmed since we decided to do Thanksgiving over here. You might as well ask me to paint the Eiffel Tower as capable of that as I feel. I listened today for two hours as a guy explained $20,000 worth of repairs needed to the crawlspace of the house.

It just feels good to type it out. No responses needed. I’ve got to figure out better stress management before I go down in flames.

Hugs to all.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Okay. Excellent. 20mgs Trilafon I found very helpful. I hope you find the same.

Thank you for helping me.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Sapien, chili sounds yummy! I'm now thinking I might make some within the next week or so. Sorry about your loss of the cuddly kitty. It's hard to get over such losses. I think about my last pet (a parrot) all of the time, wishing he was still with us. Cool you saw a moose. I used to have a bumper sticker on the back of my old car that read "Brake for moose. It could save your life." I think they're interesting animals.

Bpcyclist, thanks for letting us know that you have a treatment plan.

Thanks Soupe. I just cannot keep up w the thread because I am confused.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks Soupe. I just cannot keep up w the thread because I am confused.

Don't worry about keeping up with the thread right now, bpcyclist. Everyone understands. Just do what you can, my friend.

Sending you bear hugs.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thank you for helping me.

Any time, my friend. You are so much a part of this forum, and integral to the Bipolar board. We are all looking forward to you returning when you're feeling more stable.

[MuddyBoots]

I’m itching to cross off another 4000’er off the list, but windchill yesterday at the summit was -40F and today is better but still below 0F.
Maybe I’ll do a waterfall hike. I want to check out some places to ice climb. Want to buy new touring set up so I can skin up mtns and ski down. **** chairlifts!!!!!
Had to double my dose of temazepam to sleep last night. 15mg didn’t do shyt so I took 30mg. I’m going to physically exhaust myself today so hopefully I can sleep without anything tonight. I don’t like taking the temazepam every night because I know thats when it stops working.
My knee is still bothering me. I haven’t been running but I haven’t been resting (I am pacing around the house right now lol and its screaming at me like a toddler having a temper tantrum).
Struggling with purposelessness, shame, boredom, and emptiness. All those feelings are related.
And I stopped getting emails from the group I’m supposed to go to. It’s on Wednesdays and an aftercare for an IOP I did. I wonder if that means it’s been too long since I did the program and can’t do aftercare anymore. I called their own crisis line and they wouldn’t let me talk to anyone because I’m not in the program anymore.

[*Beth*]

Well that sucks, Sapien, about the IOP program. That they wouldn't let you talk to someone, I mean.

Ice climbing sounds amazing! I've never heard of it before.

How did you hurt your knee?

[*Beth*]

Another beautiful morning. The trees are almost florescent in color. Well, except the palm trees, which seem to stay the same year round.

Awakened with stabbing head pain, very much hoping it is not the start of a migraine headache.

Appointments with both pdoc and therapist today, both online. It'd be lovely if the technology actually works this time. I'm stuck on what to tell my pdoc...I have a moderate depression going on that kicks off some mild, but very vivid psychotic symptoms that feel like (I swear it) seizure-type "waves" of brain misfirings.

[NaoSky]

yeah, I taught through both depression and hypomania. (My diagnosis is BPII so I never got too wound up.) Depression is certainly difficult to endure while leading a roomful of eager and energetic learners. The mixed episode was what finally put a stop to my classroom teaching. I feel I'm still a teacher in some ways.

What level do you teach? I taught middle school and secondary school - various subjects.[/QUOTE]

I teach high school, 9th- 12th and this year a new subject, AP human geography, it’s been super rough lesson planning but I’ve made it so far. I have nothing planned for next semester. So that’s going to be very rough. I also teach Sociology and taught Psychology last school year. I went through a manic with psychosis while I was teaching remotely. Thank God nobody noticed or reported me. Not many students were logging in at the end of the school year since everything was so new. They just thought I was happy and energetic. But then my sister had me committed to a hospital when I went to see her and couldn’t calm down. I was about to crash from lack of sleep but she gave me something and it made me go through a super manic high. After the hospital I went through hypomania from May till July.... then sunk into this depression. I had no idea it could last this long. Especially without much sleep. I guess I’m the exception too since I experience insomnia during the depression.... teaching was always my passion.... and now I feel like it’s torture. I can’t wait until school is over each day. It’s not fun like it was before. Even with some students coming face to face, I still don’t like it. I’ve taught for 10 years so I don’t know what else to do if I’m not teaching... so I just keep pushing through everyday hoping the next day will be better...

[Mountaindewed]

Therapist said she will be contacting Pdoc and suggests I go to the hospital for an assessment. I don’t think I need to go. I don’t think they can force me since the incident happened on Tuesday and very early Wednesday. So it’s been more than 24 hours. I don’t think they can actually do anything. Can they? I’m playing it super cool and my mom has no idea what’s going on. Or what went on. I don’t like her worrying about me. But I didn’t control everything and she saw some stuff Tuesday morning but that was before everything got real bad. I’m doing pretty good today. I feel a bit manic but I’ve had a lot of iced tea. So could be the caffeine.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Therapist said she will be contacting Pdoc and suggests I go to the hospital for an assessment. I don’t think I need to go. I don’t think they can force me since the incident happened on Tuesday and very early Wednesday. So it’s been more than 24 hours. I don’t think they can actually do anything. Can they? I’m playing it super cool and my mom has no idea what’s going on. Or what went on. I don’t like her worrying about me. But I didn’t control everything and she saw some stuff Tuesday morning but that was before everything got real bad. I’m doing pretty good today. I feel a bit manic but I’ve had a lot of iced tea. So could be the caffeine.

What specifically was the incident?

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by fern46

What specifically was the incident?

I took a lot of cough syrup and melatonin and other stuff to try to help me sleep. I just got really out of control. Also I’ve just been really risky with my meds for awhile and not taking them as prescribed.

Basically therapy has just really been stressing me out and I’m burned out from all the video sessions and she told me on Tuesday they are going to continue until I move in March. And that just set me off. I got angry with my mom before therapy because of how upset it makes me.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Well that sucks, about the IOP program. That they wouldn't let you talk to someone, I mean.

Ice climbing sounds amazing! I've never heard of it before.

How did you hurt your knee?

It’s really more of a re-injury. My knees suck from running and skiing (I liked moguls, racing, and hucking cliffs without being sure of the landings). Last week I was running fast down a steep hill and one step just hurt a lot and the next even more.

I’ve never been climbed a frozen waterfall or a straight up cliff, but I’ve used crampons and ice axes while winter hiking so I have some gear and I wouldn’t be completely clueless.

Yeah, that IOP had lots of really helpful counselors but the lady that managed the emergency line was mean. It’s like “I’m in crisis.” “You need to call another crisis line.”

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I took a lot of cough syrup and melatonin and other stuff to try to help me sleep. I just got really out of control. Also I’ve just been really risky with my meds for awhile and not taking them as prescribed.

Basically therapy has just really been stressing me out and I’m burned out from all the video sessions and she told me on Tuesday they are going to continue until I move in March. And that just set me off. I got angry with my mom before therapy because of how upset it makes me.

That seems like a lot. I can see why they might be concerned.

What kinds of strategies can you think of to stop misusing the meds? To me, possible overdose or a bad reaction seems like a pressing issue.

Will you have a new therapist when you move?

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by NaoSky

I’m new to this forum. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder this year and I’m 42 years old. It was a complete shock to me and I didn’t believe it until I faced the depression side. I’m still depressed and I’m on month 5. I fight everyday to make it through. I’m a mom of a 21 year old and a 2 year old. Plus I’m a high school teacher. I feel like I’m faking it everyday since I have zero motivation. I get very little sleep sometimes no sleep at all since July. I’ve been taking different sleep pills from seroquel to doxipine to trazadone and now Lunesta. I’m also on lithium and tried Abilify to help with the depression but it didn’t work. They increased my lithium to 900mg and I think I feel slightly better but still not myself. Dr wants me to start Latuda but honestly I just want to see if the lithium kicks in first before I start adding more meds. Some days I feel like complete crap and others I feel better than crap... I just want to be me again... the only light in my day is holding onto my 2 year old and playing with her... but I feel so terrible on the inside like I am failing her as a mom... she doesn’t deserve to have a parent that has this illness... I wonder if I will ever feel like I can be a good mom again. I just think it’s so unfair to have this... it’s just still so new to me. I really just need other people to talk to that are going through this. I do have my mom who also has it and one cousin... but i feel like I already talk so much to them and I don’t want them to know how sad I feel at times. I feel like I’m bringing them down. Btw my mom has never taken medication longer than maybe a couple of weeks. She’s cycled several times in her life but always pushes through without it because she says meds don’t work for her. I feel the same way, but I keep taking them because I’m also afraid of going back into a mania even though I’ve only experienced 1 in my life. Thanks for listening this far... also are there any other teachers? I feel like this is now the hardest job in my life when it used to be the best job I’ve ever had!!

I am a mom and a former high school English teacher. I sympathize with everything you have said. I too feel like I fail my son sometimes. Today is his tenth birthday. I was diagnosed shortly after he was born (when I was 25 and he was two). His young life has just been trauma after trauma, a lot of it due to me. When his father died five years ago is when I really doubled down on finding treatment that worked. I knew I had to be better for him now that I was all he had.

My life has turned around significantly; I have been hospital-free for 2.5 years and I am better able to handle my depression now, thanks largely to my wonderful fiancé. I do not have highs anymore thanks to depakote.

As for teaching, I ultimately found it too stressful to continue. I gave it one last shot last September but had to quit a month in. Now I am a one to one aide in a school for students with emotional/behavioral disorders. I love my job because I get to focus on just one child’s needs instead of trying to write lessons, IEPs, teach to standards, etc. I make half of what I made as a teacher but honestly it’s best fit me. It was hard admitting I could no longer handle teaching but hey, it is what it is.

Honestly this year has been a complete **** show for all teachers. Once the pandemic hit everything went to hell for everyone, and teachers got just as much **** as everyone else. Trying to navigate this new world of hybrid, remote, etc is quite difficult. My teacher in my classroom seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown every day, and as far as I know she has no formal diagnoses. Although, to be fair, as far as they know I don’t either

Anyway, I feel you. I hope you will give meds a shot. It can take a long time to define what works for you. I would also highly recommend finding a competent therapist as well to find some coping skills for yourself. There are a lot of different types of therapy as well and like meds, you have to find the type or combination of types that help you.

You’re doing an excellent job taking the first step!

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by fern46

That seems like a lot. I can see why they might be concerned.

What kinds of strategies can you think of to stop misusing the meds? To me, possible overdose or a bad reaction seems like a pressing issue.

Will you have a new therapist when you move?

I’m not sure because cough syrup works really well for sleeping. But I am being told it’s super dangerous. I will have a new therapist when I move. I’m hoping to keep my Pdoc though even though he will be 3 hours away.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm happy to report that nothing much is really going on so far today. At 4 pm, we will have a phone meeting with our new real estate lawyer. We hope the lawyer represents us well for an easy and quick sale of our house.

I'm truly, utterly, looking forward to cooking regularly again. Eating out so much sucks! With only some exceptions, most restaurant food is lousy. The worst is when you pay a whole lot of money for a crap meal out. We went to a restaurant, the night before last, and paid a fortune for glasses of swill wine and nice meats that were prepared in disrespectful fashions, by a "cook" who didn't really know how to cook, or didn't want to spend more than the bare minimum on preparation, despite the high prices they charged. Today I spent less money on a whole order of groceries from Whole Foods (not a cheap store) than at that one restaurant I just called out. And with that order, I can easily make 10 entrée servings vs. two, and several breakfasts, snacks, and desserts. And mine will taste good!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Therapist said she will be contacting Pdoc and suggests I go to the hospital for an assessment. I don’t think I need to go. I don’t think they can force me since the incident happened on Tuesday and very early Wednesday. So it’s been more than 24 hours. I don’t think they can actually do anything. Can they? I’m playing it super cool and my mom has no idea what’s going on. Or what went on. I don’t like her worrying about me. But I didn’t control everything and she saw some stuff Tuesday morning but that was before everything got real bad. I’m doing pretty good today. I feel a bit manic but I’ve had a lot of iced tea. So could be the caffeine.

I don't know if they will put you IP, or not. I'm not sure how IP would benefit you. I think you would benefit from whatever helps you to stop abusing otc drugs.