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  #601  
Old Nov 27, 2020, 11:10 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
He is scared I will get manic and jump again. 10 attempts last month. Police . IP. Blah.

Seems reasonable I'm afraid. My pdoc just declined to give me meds that I had a near attempt with years ago. She didn't say that was why but I'm sure it is. No more sleeping pills for me. I knew that was true for a long time but I didn't know it was forever.

Have you given clozapine more thought?
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  #602  
Old Nov 27, 2020, 11:18 PM
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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Seems reasonable I'm afraid. My pdoc just declined to give me meds that I had a near attempt with years ago. She didn't say that was why but I'm sure it is. No more sleeping pills for me. I knew that was true for a long time but I didn't know it was forever.

Have you given clozapine more thought?
Yeah. Guess I will start Clozaril. Sposed to help with suicide.
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  #603  
Old Nov 27, 2020, 11:23 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Yeah. Guess I will start Clozaril. Sposed to help with suicide.
I've not had a suicidal period since I went on it 4 years ago. The year before I went on I was nearly constantly suicidal.

I think that if it's come up as a possibility as much as it has for you that trying it can't hurt. If you hate it or can't tolerate it at least then you know.

It was pretty much the last possible drug for me. I could have done some typicals but I've had dystonia so often my pdoc was afraid that I'd be really likely to have it again. So this was a better option. I'm glad I tried it even though I was scared at first.
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  #604  
Old Nov 27, 2020, 11:25 PM
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I just want a sweet girl to love me and not cheat on me.
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  #605  
Old Nov 27, 2020, 11:27 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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I think that's a reasonable goal. But first you need to be stable. I think that falls into the "no big decisions when unstable" category my therapist reminds me of frequently. My rule, not his, but he needs to remind me of it sometimes.
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  #606  
Old Nov 27, 2020, 11:57 PM
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My mild depression continued today. Seems i have a good day, then a bad day, repeat. That's better than no good days at all tho. I ate a whole loaf of garlic bread today in a total F-you to nutrition. Sigh! I despair of myself...

Hugs to all who struggle! Especially @bpcyclist. This too shall pass!

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  #607  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 12:09 AM
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Bpcyclist, how are you now? I understand wanting to be with someone. I would get stable first, then it might come to you.
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  #608  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:05 AM
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Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
My mild depression continued today. Seems i have a good day, then a bad day, repeat. That's better than no good days at all tho. I ate a whole loaf of garlic bread today in a total F-you to nutrition. Sigh! I despair of myself...

Hugs to all who struggle! Especially @bpcyclist. This too shall pass!

Thank yo.
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  #609  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74 View Post
Bpcyclist, how are you now? I understand wanting to be with someone. I would get stable first, then it might come to you.
A little better.
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  #610  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:40 AM
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A little better.
That's good. Hang in there.
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  #611  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 04:32 AM
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Well, 130 in the morning. Wide awake. Bot not too suicidal, so that is maybe good.
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  #612  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 06:26 AM
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330 now. Just uh having a hard time not feeling anguish and loss and tragedy I guess. Oh well.
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  #613  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 08:03 AM
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0500. Just uh surviving maybe. Gotta hit Safeway at 6. Get out for a bit. I am trying.
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  #614  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 09:47 AM
yellow_fleurs yellow_fleurs is offline
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Hi all. I am doing okay overall! My sleep has been off some nights (woke up at like 3 am and didn't go back to sleep last night), and am sometimes irritable, but otherwise my mood is good. I do think maybe I'll ask to stop this Zoloft, just not sure it's helping anything.

I am super relieved that I started taking pantoprazole for this chronic cough that might be GERD, and it seems to be working. The coughing has improved and my appetite is returning. I have had a poor appetite for months and just felt my stomach turn at the thought of food, but I finally feel like I can eat again, which is good because I lost too much weight.

Today I am going to apply for jobs. Trying to be productive. Hope everyone has a good day!
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  #615  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 09:48 AM
yellow_fleurs yellow_fleurs is offline
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
0500. Just uh surviving maybe. Gotta hit Safeway at 6. Get out for a bit. I am trying.
Did you make it to Safeway? Are you feeling safe?
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  #616  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 10:10 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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I participated in bipolar chat yesterday evening. It was fun; I truly felt among peers. I do wish it could be a bit earlier though, so those in the UK can participate.

Maybe I'll do some weaving today. Otherwise, all I have to do are chores and exercise. And sleep as much as I can, for as long as I can.
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  #617  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 11:07 AM
Polibeth Polibeth is offline
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I meant to join the chat but then forgot about it. Hopefully next week I can join. It sounds like everyone enjoyed it.
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  #618  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 11:12 AM
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This is my first time here, so hello. I hope everyone is well.
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  #619  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 11:16 AM
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Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is online now
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I’m feeling pretty good today. My anxiety is low and my bipolar symptoms are ok too. I’ve been getting these periods of hot and cold and earlier my temp was one degree above normal. So I hope my thanksgiving trip isn’t coming back and getting me already. But I slept last night for about 10 hours without any sleep meds. I have this oral sensory thing that helped me fall asleep basically instantly when I put my phone down and used it.
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  #620  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 11:59 AM
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Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
Did you make it to Safeway? Are you feeling safe?
Yeah. Thanks. I will not SH due to Catholic faith, which is very deep in me. I feel a bit hopeful for the first time in this crash. Thankful to God. He never leaves my feeble, crying side and does not judge me for being a male. And showing this somewhat female vulnerability to the planet and my people without shame or fear of reprisal from other macho males in our culture. It is difficult to be an exquisitely sensitive man. We have our own double standards to not live up to. He is too sweet. Therefore, I will cheat on him and destroy him because I am a freaking beotch. Or. Or. . He is mean to me and treats me like an object. Etc. You get the idea.

So, it really is virtually imposskble to meet the needs of many modern women. In my view. Unreal standards for us. Then, they cheat. Same thing every freaking time. And they blame us. I blame them. Them and their teenagerish inability to douse their womanly hormones xith something that could actually save the marriage. I'll take faith in God for 5 zillion, Alex.
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  #621  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 12:31 PM
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Daonnachd Daonnachd is offline
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Originally Posted by prettymccute View Post
This is my first time here, so hello. I hope everyone is well.
Hello @prettymccute, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you're joining in.
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  #622  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:00 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Originally Posted by prettymccute View Post
This is my first time here, so hello. I hope everyone is well.
I see that you. Made it.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #623  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:10 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
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Originally Posted by prettymccute View Post
This is my first time here, so hello. I hope everyone is well.

Welcome to PC, and to the Bipolar board!
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  #624  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:54 PM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
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Glad you joined us here on the bipolar forum, @prettymccute! And thanks for sharing the story about Spanky in the other forum. I like nicknames, too. My husband and I rarely refer to each other by our real given names. Do you have a nickname you like to be called?
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  #625  
Old Nov 28, 2020, 01:54 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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RS is very excited about his Black Friday find. He got a new carpet shampooer. He asked me if that made him old and I said no, it just makes him a family man now!

I myself made some online purchases yesterday. I didn’t want to go out because there would be too many people and I don’t want to risk exposure, so I browsed online for a new Christmas tree. When I dragged ours down and put it up, it just looked...sad lol. It doesn’t stand upright, it he branches are very sparse and thin, and it can’t support a tree topper. You’ve got to have a topper! So I went online to a craft store and found what I hope is a very nice one for 70% off as part of a Black Friday deal. Only $100 and has color changing lights! 7.5 foot tall though, I hope it’s not too tall for our ceiling. Ours now is only about 5.5 foot I’m guessing because it’s about as tall as me and I’m short.

I also got a fake poinsettia because I really want poinsettias but you can’t keep them outside in cold temperatures and they’re dangerous to cats. My dumbass cat likes to chew on plants so that’s definitely a no-go. He was out on the porch fir awhile and ate some leaves off the spider plant and promptly threw them up on our carpet.

My SIL talked to my grandmother and convinced her to accept our Christmas plan. She said she will call my aunt and reiterate to them that WE ARE EATING AT TWO, with or without them. I’m sure as hell done catering to my whiny uncle’s demands.

I had some bad dreams last night and woke up a little off mentally but I seem to have recovered, so that’s good.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
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That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
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