[Blue_Bird]

Having a really bad panic attack right now. Don't know why. They just come out of nowhere. I'm trying to distract myself. I don't want to take klonopin because I just took some on Wednesday and I try to only take very sparingly for only very bad panic attacks so I don't build a tolerance to it.

I think maybe part of it has to do with the fact that I have an apartment inspection on Monday. I always become a nervous wreck over those and imagine the worst case scenario and of course it never happens but I still end up that way every time I have one.

I did all my grocery shopping on Amazon. I wanted to go grocery shopping in person but I just don't feel like taking the bus there especially since covid cases are rising like crazy in my town. Plus my regular anxiety regarding grocery shopping in general. So I guess I'll mainly be having meal replacement shakes and protein bars for this month at least. Maybe next month I'll have more courage to go. I still have some cash I can get eggs, bread, milk, jelly and a few other things from the convenience store down the road. I have a lot of soups already, plus vegetables, oatmeal, peanut butter, crackers, spaghetti, etc. So my diet will be rather boring this month I guess.

I played ukulele today. Put a video of myself playing up on Facebook. Don't normally do things like that.

Getting my Christmas tree on Sunday. Will post pics when it's up

[daladico]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Having a really bad panic attack right now. Don't know why. They just come out of nowhere. I'm trying to distract myself. I don't want to take klonopin because I just took some on Wednesday and I try to only take very sparingly for only very bad panic attacks so I don't build a tolerance to it.

I think maybe part of it has to do with the fact that I have an apartment inspection on Monday. I always become a nervous wreck over those and imagine the worst case scenario and of course it never happens but I still end up that way every time I have one.

I did all my grocery shopping on Amazon. I wanted to go grocery shopping in person but I just don't feel like taking the bus there especially since covid cases are rising like crazy in my town. Plus my regular anxiety regarding grocery shopping in general. So I guess I'll mainly be having meal replacement shakes and protein bars for this month at least. Maybe next month I'll have more courage to go. I still have some cash I can get eggs, bread, milk, jelly and a few other things from the convenience store down the road. I have a lot of soups already, plus vegetables, oatmeal, peanut butter, crackers, spaghetti, etc. So my diet will be rather boring this month I guess.

I played ukulele today. Put a video of myself playing up on Facebook. Don't normally do things like that.

Getting my Christmas tree on Sunday. Will post pics when it's up

Duuude panic attacks are rough- sorry you’re going through that @bluebird. Is there anything else that helps you? For me when it’s the worst nothing really helps except time... but if it’s slightly lower than the worst, a warm bath and zoning into my favorite music can help some. And deep breathing. Sending calming energy your way friend 💛

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by daladico

Duuude panic attacks are rough- sorry you’re going through that @bluebird. Is there anything else that helps you? For me when it’s the worst nothing really helps except time... but if it’s slightly lower than the worst, a warm bath and zoning into my favorite music can help some. And deep breathing. Sending calming energy your way friend 💛

Thank you! I actually just downloaded a few new songs from iTunes so I'm listening to that right now with my good headphones. I'll probably watch some of my favorite funny YouTube videos later too so hopefully that all helps.

[daladico]

Brain is doing better right now. Took some extra meds today which helped slow it down. Also called off work which I HATE doing- but when I’m “going up”, the extra stress at work can put my mind over the edge.
Went on a beautiful frigid walk this morning
Hugs and good thoughts to you all <3

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Having a really bad panic attack right now. Don't know why. They just come out of nowhere. I'm trying to distract myself. I don't want to take klonopin because I just took some on Wednesday and I try to only take very sparingly for only very bad panic attacks so I don't build a tolerance to it.

I think maybe part of it has to do with the fact that I have an apartment inspection on Monday. I always become a nervous wreck over those and imagine the worst case scenario and of course it never happens but I still end up that way every time I have one.

I did all my grocery shopping on Amazon. I wanted to go grocery shopping in person but I just don't feel like taking the bus there especially since covid cases are rising like crazy in my town. Plus my regular anxiety regarding grocery shopping in general. So I guess I'll mainly be having meal replacement shakes and protein bars for this month at least. Maybe next month I'll have more courage to go. I still have some cash I can get eggs, bread, milk, jelly and a few other things from the convenience store down the road. I have a lot of soups already, plus vegetables, oatmeal, peanut butter, crackers, spaghetti, etc. So my diet will be rather boring this month I guess.

I played ukulele today. Put a video of myself playing up on Facebook. Don't normally do things like that.

Getting my Christmas tree on Sunday. Will post pics when it's up

Ugh, I'm so sorry you're having a panic attack. You're not alone in your anxiety about an apt. inspection. Any time someone has to enter my apt. for maintenance or whatever I absolutely dread it.

Everything else sounds good! How fun that you put the video up

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Brain is doing better right now. Took some extra meds today which helped slow it down. Also called off work which I HATE doing- but when I’m “going up”, the extra stress at work can put my mind over the edge.
Went on a beautiful frigid walk this morning
Hugs and good thoughts to you all <3

I'm so glad you're doing better with the extra meds. Thank you for the photo. It looks so much NorCal and on up north.

[Daonnachd]

A silver lining to having our guest here. My wife was going to drive me to ECT on Monday but scheduled a meeting too early to safely get back to. So my sons and their friend are going to be my chauffeurs. Crisis averted.

[Moose72]

Watching a movie called "Sound of Metal" about a drummer in a rock band who loses his hearing. It's pretty neat. It's got 20 more minutes left.

[Victoria'smom]

Everything's so ****en loud. Pdoc never called me back and it says do not leave multiple messages. I just looked and I don't see T for 2 weeks and pdoc for about a month. I'm starting to get paranoia (I think). I'm starting to think my husband's going to leave me and my son. I feel I filled out all our paperwork wrong and I'm going to get into trouble. I'm also really anxious to be around my nephews because they went to see christmas lights and a fair. I tried to make cheese burgers and fries for dinner and that was a disaster. I want to curl up and cry. I was fine this morning WTF. I'm hearing the wrong lyrics in music (I'm hearing a lot of death related lyrics that I know aren't there). I don't understand how this can hit so suddenly. I already tried to sleep it away. I'm going to possibly do art but it's late,

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Everything's so ****en loud. Pdoc never called me back and it says do not leave multiple messages. I just looked and I don't see T for 2 weeks and pdoc for about a month. I'm starting to get paranoia (I think). I'm starting to think my husband's going to leave me and my son. I feel I filled out all our paperwork wrong and I'm going to get into trouble. I'm also really anxious to be around my nephews because they went to see christmas lights and a fair. I tried to make cheese burgers and fries for dinner and that was a disaster. I want to curl up and cry. I was fine this morning WTF. I'm hearing the wrong lyrics in music (I'm hearing a lot of death related lyrics that I know aren't there). I don't understand how this can hit so suddenly. I already tried to sleep it away. I'm going to possibly do art but it's late,

Hi Mm, Since your pdoc never returned your call ...maybe call again and say, I know you request that people not call more than once, but I really need help. I think your need for help right now is far more important than a request not to leave multiple messages.

What ever happened with your meds, did the pharmacy ever get them?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi Mm, Since your pdoc never returned your call ...maybe call again and say, I know you request that people not call more than once, but I really need help. I think your need for help right now is far more important than a request not to leave multiple messages.

What ever happened with your meds, did the pharmacy ever get them?

I had a case manager at Medicaid who had that and NEVER called back. I started tracking when I called her every 2 weeks without leaving messages for a month or 6 weeks and left a message saying I was sorry for the multiple calls but I had called on these dates and really needed to speak to her. She waited another 2 weeks but called me back (while I was on vacation of course). Soon after I had a new caseworker who was nice and returned calls. There's no point in complying forever with only leave one message. At some point you have to decide they aren't calling you back and that's not a month or two from now when you have your appointment.

[Victoria'smom]

The pdoc "sent" the wrong ml for my AD and they filled the wrong mg one of my AP. Honestly I think they're losing scripts and just filling old ones because the same thing happens to H. I'm stuck with that pharmacy because of my insurance. It's been almost a month since I've taken my medication because of this mess. It takes at least 5 days between the time they get the script to have it because they have to special order it. But when I was visiting family that pharmacy had it that day. WTF. I pay out of pocket for this med because my insurance doesn't want to cover it and it's still a mess.

After talking to my husband when they have my AP ready (Monday?) I'm just going to pick that up. and forget the AD right now until I see pdoc. Unless T says to do a walk in. I can hold on if I see an end in sight. But waiting for both medications just is not working.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by daladico

Brain is doing better right now. Took some extra meds today which helped slow it down. Also called off work which I HATE doing- but when I’m “going up”, the extra stress at work can put my mind over the edge.
Went on a beautiful frigid walk this morning
Hugs and good thoughts to you all <3

Endless love, darling.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

The pdoc "sent" the wrong ml for my AD and they filled the wrong mg one of my AP. Honestly I think they're losing scripts and just filling old ones because the same thing happens to H. I'm stuck with that pharmacy because of my insurance. It's been almost a month since I've taken my medication because of this mess. It takes at least 5 days between the time they get the script to have it because they have to special order it. But when I was visiting family that pharmacy had it that day. WTF. I pay out of pocket for this med because my insurance doesn't want to cover it and it's still a mess.

After talking to my husband when they have my AP ready (Monday?) I'm just going to pick that up. and forget the AD right now until I see pdoc. Unless T says to do a walk in. I can hold on if I see an end in sight. But waiting for both medications just is not working.

I feel so bad for you. That pharmacy sure sounds weird.

[MuddyBoots]

The snow is here! Probably gonna lose power again since it’s a heavy wet snow and the winds are going to pick up later on.

I’m feeling back to my normal self. Whatever that means lol. Regular struggles I guess.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm a bit pissed off at my husband. Earlier today he said that his friend was going to drop off a big crate that we can use for shipping some artwork. He asked when I'd like him/them to come. I said in the mid afternoon (like 2, 3 or 4 pm) so that it could just be a visit and not require a meal to be served. He said nothing in return, so I assumed that's what he went with. Then just a little bit ago (3 hours later), he tells me he invited them over for dinner. I argued that that I didn't expect that. A little yelling match ensued, with him saying he'd order food. But I had today earmarked as a day I could finally relax and do my own little projects. Instead, the house will need to be spruced up again, quickly, and I'll have to be the hostess with the mostest. I know that Hubby won't bust his butt cleaning up and the mfr will want me to order the food and set up the table.

I just don't feel like guests today! I thought if his friend came, I could just go upstairs after saying a brief hello, and that would be it. Hubby thinks I'm ungrateful for the crate. I'm not, but I don't see it as THAT much of a favor since they're probably glad enough to pawn the crate off on us.

Maybe his friend will refuse my husband's dinner offer.

I would need to also spruce up myself, and don't feel like doing so. I mean, we're the ones friggin moving soon. Entertaining is not on my personal agenda. Hubby says we should reciprocate after they invited us over last week. But their invitation was for my husband's birthday. Today is nothing. Plus, I have invited them over as many or more times than they have, and the times I did I cooked. Neither his friend nor his friend's wife even know how to cook.

I love my husband, dearly, but I'm getting a bit sick and tired of him always being home. When he worked in the office I had plenty of time for myself. A few weeks back I said I wanted to run a few errands by myself, but Hubby felt hurt I didn't want him with me. I said to him "Well, aren't you desiring a little time for yourself?"

In response, he said "No".

[*Beth*]

Well, that just plain sucks. And what is that saying about being around someone just a bit too much...Familiarity breeds contempt...And the other one, not politically correct, but I'd argue still true...A woman's work is never done.

I hope they refuse the dinner invite!

[Mountaindewed]

Ok. So this morning I was feeling just kind of blah physically but I also felt kind of bad in general and I knew what I needed to do was get the assessment done. So I went this morning. I was honest with the intake person. I was worried she was going to put me in inpatient because she kept asking very specific questions that I had to answer and she wasn’t saying what was going to happen. Then she had to consult with her supervisor and I said “I don’t want to go inpatient.” And she said “I don’t think you need to.” So I didn’t go inpatient but I am doing a outpatient program starting Tuesday that will go Monday-Friday in the morning. I will get one on one time with a therapist and a psychiatrist every day and then there are groups too.

I actually feel a ton better right now. I was really worried about going inpatient and having to deal with possible harassment. The outpatient group is virtual so I don’t actually have to go there. I can just do it on my recliner with the iPad. I am so glad it’s virtual.

This was much easier then I had thought and I am glad I’ll be getting this extra help.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Ok. So this morning I was feeling just kind of blah physically but I also felt kind of bad in general and I knew what I needed to do was get the assessment done. So I went this morning. I was honest with the intake person. I was worried she was going to put me in inpatient because she kept asking very specific questions that I had to answer and she wasn’t saying what was going to happen. Then she had to consult with her supervisor and I said “I don’t want to go inpatient.” And she said “I don’t think you need to.” So I didn’t go inpatient but I am doing a outpatient program starting Tuesday that will go Monday-Friday in the morning. I will get one on one time with a therapist and a psychiatrist every day and then there are groups too.

I actually feel a ton better right now. I was really worried about going inpatient and having to deal with possible harassment. The outpatient group is virtual so I don’t actually have to go there. I can just do it on my recliner with the iPad. I am so glad it’s virtual.

This was much easier then I had thought and I am glad I’ll be getting this extra help.

Great job for going and getting the assessment done, that takes a lot of courage. I'm glad you're getting the help you need and that's awesome that they have a virtual outpatient group

[Victoria'smom]

Md, I'm glad you went. good luck with OP.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Ok. So this morning I was feeling just kind of blah physically but I also felt kind of bad in general and I knew what I needed to do was get the assessment done. So I went this morning. I was honest with the intake person. I was worried she was going to put me in inpatient because she kept asking very specific questions that I had to answer and she wasn’t saying what was going to happen. Then she had to consult with her supervisor and I said “I don’t want to go inpatient.” And she said “I don’t think you need to.” So I didn’t go inpatient but I am doing a outpatient program starting Tuesday that will go Monday-Friday in the morning. I will get one on one time with a therapist and a psychiatrist every day and then there are groups too.

I actually feel a ton better right now. I was really worried about going inpatient and having to deal with possible harassment. The outpatient group is virtual so I don’t actually have to go there. I can just do it on my recliner with the iPad. I am so glad it’s virtual.

This was much easier then I had thought and I am glad I’ll be getting this extra help.

YAY! That sounds excellent! Good for you!!!

[Soupe du jour]

I was relieved that my husband's best friend and his wife came at 2 pm and only stayed for about an hour. I do like them, very much, but was glad it wasn't a multi-hour visit involving dinner. We had managed to get the house looking very nice and clean before they came. I wasn't exactly snazzy-looking, but that's OK.

I made a sweet bread, but it was a little too soon to offer (too soon out of the oven). I felt a little bad because the house smelled so lovely from it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I was relieved that my husband's best friend and his wife came at 2 pm and only stayed for about an hour. I do like them, very much, but was glad it wasn't a multi-hour visit involving dinner. We had managed to get the house looking very nice and clean before they came. I wasn't exactly snazzy-looking, but that's OK.

I made a sweet bread, but it was a little too soon to offer (too soon out of the oven). I felt a little bad because the house smelled so lovely from it.

What a relief!

[Blue_Bird]

Went with a non traditional black Christmas tree this year. I’m gonna decorate it with the red lights you see in the picture, red, black, silver, and white ornaments, and a silver star that has LED lights in it. Will post pics once I decorate it. And I'm gonna decorate it for every season.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Ok. So this morning I was feeling just kind of blah physically but I also felt kind of bad in general and I knew what I needed to do was get the assessment done. So I went this morning. I was honest with the intake person. I was worried she was going to put me in inpatient because she kept asking very specific questions that I had to answer and she wasn’t saying what was going to happen. Then she had to consult with her supervisor and I said “I don’t want to go inpatient.” And she said “I don’t think you need to.” So I didn’t go inpatient but I am doing a outpatient program starting Tuesday that will go Monday-Friday in the morning. I will get one on one time with a therapist and a psychiatrist every day and then there are groups too.

I actually feel a ton better right now. I was really worried about going inpatient and having to deal with possible harassment. The outpatient group is virtual so I don’t actually have to go there. I can just do it on my recliner with the iPad. I am so glad it’s virtual.

This was much easier then I had thought and I am glad I’ll be getting this extra help.

I am glad you'll be getting the extra help, too. Good job getting the assessment done, I know it must have been scary.