[FluffyDinosaur]

Lately I've been very uncomfortable leaving the house, especially if it's to an unfamiliar location but even if it's a familiar one. I wouldn't describe it as a phobia because I don't have feelings of panic or anything like that. It's more that everything just feels so unreal and I feel very disoriented and confused all the time. The whole world seems "unstable" and wobbly somehow, like I'm viewing it through a fish tank or something. I also feel like other people will notice that I'm acting strangely or something, even if I think I'm not. As some people here know I haven't been well for quite a while now, so I'm just wondering if this is another symptom and what to make of it.

[daladico]

So sorry fluffy 😢 it sounds like a really hard thing to go through. 😞

I isolated for years and it made my world really small in a really bad way.

My heart hurts for you that you are going through this.

trying to understand better... does it feel like anxiety? Paranoia? Feeling trapped in your head?
Has it worsened since increased isolation with covid? Have you seen a doctor recently to assess the confusion? Is there anyone in your life you can reach out to so that you don’t completely isolate?

Thinking about you and sending big hugs

[daladico]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I also feel like other people will notice that I'm acting strangely or something, even if I think I'm not.

Ive been in this place several times... for me I think it started as anxiety and then spiraled into paranoia

[FluffyDinosaur]

Thanks daladico! It's not really anxiety and I don't think it's paranoia either, even though I am afraid that people will think I'm acting strangely. I have had a lot of anxiety, but this hasn't been one of the topics of it. It's just that everything seems confusing and weird and unreal, and walking outside kind of feels like I'm feeling my way through a dark unfamiliar room. The outside world is confusing but it's also kind of confusing in my head, like I might forget to put on shoes when I go outside and things like that. I usually manage to avoid mistakes, but everything takes a lot of conscious thought, even simple things. I've been getting increasingly uncomfortable around people, too, maybe for similar reasons.

I don't think it has gotten worse since covid. I have been severely depressed for a long time (sometimes with mixed features showing up), and it feels like it has something to do with that. I'm in the process of getting some new treatment started right now but it's taking a long time, and I haven't really talked about this part yet.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Lately I've been very uncomfortable leaving the house, especially if it's to an unfamiliar location but even if it's a familiar one. I wouldn't describe it as a phobia because I don't have feelings of panic or anything like that. It's more that everything just feels so unreal and I feel very disoriented and confused all the time. The whole world seems "unstable" and wobbly somehow, like I'm viewing it through a fish tank or something. I also feel like other people will notice that I'm acting strangely or something, even if I think I'm not. As some people here know I haven't been well for quite a while now, so I'm just wondering if this is another symptom and what to make of it.

I'm not sure what to say, except that what you've described is exactly my experience. Word for word. I'm not agoraphobic, but leaving my apartment feels extremely unsteady because I have derealization (like I'm viewing the world through a fish tank). I also feel self-conscious about other people, because I feel so odd within myself...surely others will notice, or so it seems. The only place I feel truly safe is in my own environment, because I'm alone and everything is familiar. I also feel foolish and confused...like I might be walking outside and realize I've forgotten my shoes.

Time and place seems to be muddled...or unpredictable. Something like that.

To me, it feels like my brain is malfunctioning - which brings me back to the theory that BD is some type of seizure disorder, or something similar.

AP's don't really help. They might sometimes take the edge off, but it's not remarkable.


I wish I had a better answer for you. All I can say is that you certainly are not alone.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm not sure what to say, except that what you've described is exactly my experience. Word for word. I'm not agoraphobic, but leaving my apartment feels extremely unsteady because I have derealization (like I'm viewing the world through a fish tank). I also feel self-conscious about other people, because I feel so odd within myself...surely others will notice, or so it seems. The only place I feel truly safe is in my own environment, because I'm alone and everything is familiar. I also feel foolish and confused...like I might be walking outside and realize I've forgotten my shoes.

Time and place seems to be muddled...or unpredictable. Something like that.

To me, it feels like my brain is malfunctioning - which brings me back to the theory that BD is some type of seizure disorder, or something similar.

AP's don't really help. They might sometimes take the edge off, but it's not remarkable.
I wish I had a better answer for you. All I can say is that you certainly are not alone.

Thank you, that's good to hear. I've been feeling like I'm slowly going crazy. Unsteady is definitely another way to describe the feeling I have when I'm out "in the world." I also have issues being around people and keeping track of when/where I am. Part of it is that I'm just too tired to act normally around people anymore, and the other part is the confusion, the feeling that I'm acting strange, saying things I don't mean, my voice being all far away, and so on. It really does feel like a brain malfunction. I hope it clears up when the depression finally lifts a bit. I feel like people can see in my eyes from a mile away that there's something wrong with me.

I have a fear of an imminent zombie apocalypse (made worse by the current situation with covid), so completely understand the fear about leaving the house

it was only yesterday I made the comment that their is nothing anyone could say or do to get me out

my windows are closed too. just in case...

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I have a fear of an imminent zombie apocalypse (made worse by the current situation with covid), so completely understand the fear about leaving the house

it was only yesterday I made the comment that their is nothing anyone could say or do to get me out

my windows are closed too. just in case...

Thanks, yeah I'm still trying to force myself to go out regardless of how it feels, because I want to prevent this from getting worse. Luckily I do have some obligations that require me to go out of the house at least every now and then.

[NaoSky]

I haven’t experienced this but I’m pretty sure I’m still going through the bp depression and I don’t want to leave the house but I have to for work. It was really hard to leave when the school year first started. I also hate going to the grocery store but I force myself to. How often have you gone through depression and is this the first time it felt this way? How long have you been on medication? Do you think maybe it’s the effects of the meds playing a role?

[Blue_Bird]

I get in a rut really bad with not leaving the house. I'm trying to get over my phobia. But yeah, I feel like people think I'm weird or there's something wrong with me when I'm walking down the street, I think people are watching me, etc things like that, lots of paranoia

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Thank you, that's good to hear. I've been feeling like I'm slowly going crazy. Unsteady is definitely another way to describe the feeling I have when I'm out "in the world." I also have issues being around people and keeping track of when/where I am. Part of it is that I'm just too tired to act normally around people anymore, and the other part is the confusion, the feeling that I'm acting strange, saying things I don't mean, my voice being all far away, and so on. It really does feel like a brain malfunction. I hope it clears up when the depression finally lifts a bit. I feel like people can see in my eyes from a mile away that there's something wrong with me.

I have considered that the sensations/feelings you've described are the result of med side effects. The only issue I take with that is clearly recalling having the derealization (and the other odd feelings) experience long before I was on medication.

Do you have any trauma in your history?

[FluffyDinosaur]

@NaoSky @BethRags: I'm not sure how often I've had depression, I've lost count. This is definitely one of the most severe and long episodes I've had, but I've had similar episodes going all the way back to my teens.

I've had derealization/depersonalisation going on for at least as long, although right now that, too, is more intense than usual, so much so that I'm worrying whether it isn't crossing some kind of line where I'm losing touch with reality altogether. I have this theory that during a depressive episode, all of the other bad stuff becomes amplified, so that it all kind of ramps up together.

I've had these symptoms with varying intensity since way before I was on any meds, and right now I'm temporarily off meds, so I think we can rule that out as a cause. I do have a history of child abuse, which may well be responsible for the dissociative symptoms as well as "activating" my bipolar.