[pekoetea]

I was diagnosed in 2009, but it's only really this year I've moved into acceptance of my illness and started using professional help and tools such as regular medication. Lately I've felt things were going to be okay in the long run, that I could get my life back on track, maybe do some work training, start driving again, get freedoms back that I willingly gave up when I had my last episode as preventive measures from doing anymore damage.

Today it feels like bipolar is forever. I've had 5 months of stability for the first time in years and tonight things feel like they're shifting. Right before Christmas. Of course.

I live with my parents but am in my thirties. I am trying to be patient with the cards I've been dealt when it comes to my mental health and most days since moving back home 5 months ago I do pretty okay.

Today is not one of those days. I just feel like things will only get worse again, and the people I care about will react to hypo mania as if it's full blown mania and pull away when I need help the most. I have all kinds of agreements with my mom to help me, a financial plan and a mania plan, a depression plan and a mediation plan. I limit my social interactions drastically to reduce stress. Today it just feels like it's not enough, that it will never be enough.

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight even with my emergency zopliclone (which has always worked when I needed it). Sleep support is so so important to me and once I start to derail on that schedule everything just starts to go haywire for me. So I'm having a lot of anxiety about that too.

Just needed a space to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

[*Beth*]

Hi pekoetea, Welcome to PC! Yeah, sleep seems to be an essential for maintaining BD stability. It's terrific that you have your parents' support (even though it's not always perfect).

[Daonnachd]

Hello @pekoetea Welcome to the board.

You may already be aware of this but it seems the holiday season is particularly difficult for many of us. There's the shortening daylight hours (if you're in the northern hemisphere) as well as the added stresses of all sorts. We're thinking about social interactions we may otherwise be able to avoid during the year. We (well, I) worry about what gifts to give and whether they'll be appreciated. meals to make for others add stress. It's cold and rainy so exercise might be more challenging. For me those all contribute to episodes in the holiday season. ... and frequent traveling which leads to poor medication adherence. Been there before - several times.

a'best

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Hello @pekoetea Welcome to the board.

You may already be aware of this but it seems the holiday season is particularly difficult for many of us. There's the shortening daylight hours (if you're in the northern hemisphere) as well as the added stresses of all sorts. We're thinking about social interactions we may otherwise be able to avoid during the year. We (well, I) worry about what gifts to give and whether they'll be appreciated. meals to make for others add stress. It's cold and rainy so exercise might be more challenging. For me those all contribute to episodes in the holiday season. ... and frequent traveling which leads to poor medication adherence. Been there before - several times.

a'best

Welcome to the board pekoetea

I do not currently have much to add to the wise posts above but wanted to welcome you anyway. I completely agree with this post.

[Victoria'smom]

Hi,
BP+'s forever for me. It'll get better, it'll get worse, but I'll never be neurotypical. Keeping my treatment team informed and being 100% painfully honest with them to catch things early. My quality of life has improved as I got older and accepted the help I require. It can get better. I'm still depressed but my episodes aren't a severe as they were when I was younger. Part of the reason is I know what's going on so I'm no longer afraid of it. It's a long, hard road but possible.

(DX'd 15 years ago, age37)

[NaoSky]

Hi and welcome to the board. I was diagnosed this year and did not believe it until I sunk into a depression. I’m 42 so I thought I was past the age where you could develop BD. I feel your pain. I’m going through this too and don’t want to accept that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I’m having a hard time trying to see myself through this illness. I’m hoping one day I can accept it more and that my quality of life will improve.

I think places like this where we can get things off our chest will be helpful. I’ve only been on here for about a month and I’ve received some great advice. It also helps to know that we are not alone through our struggles.

I’m suffering insomnia so I know how you feel about that too, hopefully your sleep will improve. I’ve found a YouTube video from the mindful movement for meditation for sleep has been the most effective, even better than sleep pills with no side effects.

[pekoetea]

Thanks everyone. I did manage to get some sleep and I let myself sleep in today because I had nothing on my plate. I'm looking forward to sharing more successes.

[Crazy Hitch]

My last major episode was this year. Before that I was episode free for 6 years. I naively fooled myself into thinking I was 'cured'. NOT! I crashed (or precisely speaking shot up into the sky with my mood). Nope I pretty much think that my BP is here to stay ... forever.

(Sorry if I didn't answer any specific question you may have had. Just throwing my thoughts on your title of this thread. I'm multitasking listening to music videos - not very well apparently).

[MuddyBoots]

I had a pdoc tell me that bipolar is worst in your teens and 20s. He works solely with adolescents now. I dont believe him. According to him I should have been in remission right now simply because of my age. I think its more likely that you just find the right meds after a few years of tinkering with the cocktail.

If things continue to feel like they’re shifting, maybe give the treatment team a call and try to avoid a full on catastrophe. I think the key to managing bipolar is being proactive to avoid full on episodes.

[Unrigged64072835]

For me, bipolar is forever, but it's not the end of the world, either. I don't feel condemned because I have it. I can still have a good life even with the limitations I have. There may be rough periods but with proper management and support I'll get through them.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I had a pdoc tell me that bipolar is worst in your teens and 20s. He works solely with adolescents now. I dont believe him. According to him I should have been in remission right now simply because of my age. I think its more likely that you just find the right meds after a few years of tinkering with the cocktail.

If things continue to feel like they’re shifting, maybe give the treatment team a call and try to avoid a full on catastrophe. I think the key to managing bipolar is being proactive to avoid full on episodes.

I don't know where he obtained his information, but I definitely don't agree. his information is naive, and even dangerous. My 20's were rough with BD; the 40's were sheer hell. My energy level was way down by my late 40's-50's; having to deal with depression and mania is much more draining. Last time I checked the highest rate of suicide in the U.S. was among seniors.

[wolftrap]

Hi Sapien - I am in agreement with Beth on this one. It was the worst in my 30's and 40's. If I hadn't been diagnosed I probably wouldn't be here now.