What is wrong with me?

I've been chatting to this guy, he says I'm too invested in the relationship. I know I'm high but come on is he pulling my leg or am I really this bad? We have only spoken 2 weeks and it's all through text he refuses phone calls. Find out today he is married. But he wants me to be sexual and I feel sexual when talking to him. What do I do? I really like him and feel we have a connection

Married? Uh uh. If you have sex with him, prepare to feel used. Or you could both use each other, but that's as far as I see this going. And probably a one-time get-together, actually. You should be happy that you found out that he's married BEFORE you got naked with a virtual stranger. (Trust me, I went through a period in my life about 15 years ago, where I did this a LOT.)

I feel like I'm falling for him, I know it's crazy as well he's older, married, in England etc

Falling for him just after a couple weeks of texting? Uh, no. Nope.

I know its crazy I think about him every minute of the day. I don't know what he looks like or sounds like. You'll all think I'm stupid but honestly I'm falling for him

Sounds like infatuation. People put on their best face at the beginning of relationships. Especially adulterous relationships. You don't know what he's like "in real life". He could be cheating with other women besides you, too!

All I have done tonight is talk to him through text. He tells me what he would do to me etc I feel so horny right now and I don't know how to come across (cool and distant or mad and in your face)

As long as it isn't in real life, I guess that's better. He's still married. I guess you wouldn't get into trouble if its just texts, but think about how you are feeling- "so horny right now"- I wouldn't think this would be a good thing. That's the reason I don't like porn- because its frustrating! But if you like to feel frustrated, I guess continue with this married guy. Don't be surprised if he suggests that you meet and don't be surprised when he wants sex with you. You're leading him on. Guys hate that.

The fact that he is Married would already be a big no-no for me i i were in a similar situation. Please be REALLY careful. i think there are other men you can go out with whom aren't Married. i know it's hard but Please do consider interrupting communications with him, kindly but firmly. You deserve better than this and so does his Partner. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Miss Laura, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Laura, you know full well that the situation can't lead to anything beneficial.

I wouldn't meet him, he's in England and I'm up in Scotland. I just feel like we are one we are connected like we are meant to be.

That's infatuation (and maybe hypomania).

I have been feeling like this for weeks with different guys, I don't know who is who. I told my nurse this she said maybe my depot might need upped I'm due it 25th. I worry I'm going high. But also I'm thinking constantly I went on video and masturbated for a guy. I just feel really horny and naughty and giddy

The 25th is a while from now, considering how you've been feeling. That's like 2 weeks away! I don't like where this is going. These guys think nothing of you I'm sure. Guys will say anything and do anything- including buying you things - to get into your pants! Who cares about the one in England- you just said there are lots of others!

They are all from England I'm on a chat with UK people but they all seem to be English meaning I'll never see them. I have had video chats with 3 guys and masturbated on all calls. I'm seeing a Worker next Friday and my Psychiatrist 29th and my nurse 1st.

That's still a while away. I think you should get ahold of your pdoc today/tomorrow. Leave a message and have her call you back. She can adjust your meds. I think you are a little hypo. Maybe a LOT hypo...

I would need to call my nurse as she is protocol but she is on holiday. I can wait until next Fri.

What would I say anyways? They will be peeved I'm talking to guys etc plus I'm medicated so no idea why I'm like this

I don't know, Laura...it seems that your stability is not in control. Since I've been on this forum (almost 2 years) I have not known you to be safely stable. I know you're not a kid, and I don't have a problem with sex workers. So it's not those aspects. What concerns me is the strong emotional connection you have with the men you become involved with. In past years I have been in very similar situations...I was meeting with the men, some I had relationships with (while I was married)...it never ended well for anyone.

What I'm wondering is if your meds are the proper ones and of the correct doses? Also, is there a chance for you to have therapy, in addition to meds? And perhaps the hook-ups you have with the men hasn't to do with BD, but with other factors. Childhood problems, for example. Is that possible?

I speak to a therapist every week but cause I have a mental health team she is reluctant to touch the bipolar so we are working on other things.

Meds I take 1,000mg Depakote and unsure what my depot is I think its 400mg monthly that's it

I worry ill never be stable I'm just a hot mess

Have you ever been on Lamictal? Is your depot dosage high enough - and is it the best med for you?

No never been on Lamictal.... just Depakote, Quetipine and Aririprazole. They think the meds are right they know best tbh.

I ended up calling my nurse. Took her all day 8 hours to get back to me. But she did. I had to chase her up 3 times. She called after working day. I'm to cool it with the sites and chats. No mention of the meds though. Psychiatrist videoing me on 29th

"They know best" - maybe they don't, which is why you don't attain stability?

Here the medical team take control of meds as well they are the professionals. I wouldn't have a clue about meds. For 11 years they have told me the meds to go on. Realistically I have only ever been on 1 mood stabiliser and 2 different anti-psychotics at different times

You might ask them about their choice of medications, just for your own information. From what you tell us on this forum it sounds like there's a chance the meds you're on might not be the best ones. Or it might be something else altogether. But you have the right to know what is going into your body and if it's the proper stuff.