[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I got my physical out of the way today. I was greatly amused to see the papers labeled as senior citizen physical and included literature about falls. I’m 53. Not so amusing was a taste bud on my tongue that got inflamed and I kept biting it and it now has become a thing and needs to be surgically removed. I’ve never heard of such a thing. It does hurt though.

I took my brother to the eye doctor today. He is so frail that I had to help him back and forth from the car to the doctor etc. I don’t know why he is wasting away. There is so much wrong with him physically and mentally. It concerns me.

I’m feeling much better. I’m working on getting ready for my daughter who is coming to visit Friday.

LOL to the "senior physical!" I'm 58; guess I'm totally geriatric by now

How horrid about your taste bud. Yikes. I have a place inside my cheek that I keep biting while chewing...it's been about 4 months. Every time it starts to heal, yep, I bite it again. I've actually wondered if I need something surgical done to it. Ugh.

I'm sorry about your brother. Very sad. I am so glad to hear that you're feeling better, though!

[gina_re]

Today was a good day. I was busy for most of it. But I didn't get as much reading done as I would've liked, but it is what it is. I woke up with a backache, so I did struggle most of the day getting up from the sitting position and walking around. Other than that, things are ok.
And this manicure is doing it's job in preventing the skin picking.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Today was a good day. I was busy for most of it. But I didn't get as much reading done as I would've liked, but it is what it is. I woke up with a backache, so I did struggle most of the day getting up from the sitting position and walking around. Other than that, things are ok.
And this manicure is doing it's job in preventing the skin picking.

The supplement "NAC" is an amino acid that is used in skin picking.I have used it 1200mg twice a day, and it has helped my skin picking.
good luck to you!
bizi

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Today was a good day. I was busy for most of it. But I didn't get as much reading done as I would've liked, but it is what it is. I woke up with a backache, so I did struggle most of the day getting up from the sitting position and walking around. Other than that, things are ok.
And this manicure is doing it's job in preventing the skin picking.

Yay on the helpful mani! I just went to get one. My cuticles are really bad. I had my nails gelled, which should stop the picking habit for a while, at least. I'm so glad you're relieved of the symptom

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yay on the helpful mani! I just went to get one. My cuticles are really bad. I had my nails gelled, which should stop the picking habit for a while, at least. I'm so glad you're relieved of the symptom

And thank you for the awesome suggetion!!

[Moose72]

I went for a walk and then I ate too much. *sigh*

Oops! Forgot to take my meds....

[bizi]

take your meds.
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

1 crown and 2 fillings down, totaling 3 crowns and 5 fillings this year. I'm so glad although I'm nervous about my stimulus money not arriving yet because I really want to pay for the dental work with that money.

I talked to my therapist and pdoc yesterday. My therapist and I are working on a rather specific part of grief and my pdoc helped me a lot with other parts. I finally slept last night. I'm getting sleepy now so I'm hoping that I'll get another night of real sleep. I'm supposed to be trying melatonin but the first time I tried it it made me incredibly sleep at a very low dose so I'm waiting because my nieces are here and I don't want to sleep through their visit.

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks until my 2nd vaccine. Yay!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

1 crown and 2 fillings down, totaling 3 crowns and 5 fillings this year. I'm so glad although I'm nervous about my stimulus money not arriving yet because I really want to pay for the dental work with that money.

I talked to my therapist and pdoc yesterday. My therapist and I are working on a rather specific part of grief and my pdoc helped me a lot with other parts. I finally slept last night. I'm getting sleepy now so I'm hoping that I'll get another night of real sleep. I'm supposed to be trying melatonin but the first time I tried it it made me incredibly sleep at a very low dose so I'm waiting because my nieces are here and I don't want to sleep through their visit.

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks until my 2nd vaccine. Yay!

Ouch about the dental work! But I am happy you had it done. My husband and I need some done, too. I hope you get your check soon.

That's so important to get help with the grieving process. It's a tough thing, I know. All the best with your sleep. Congrats on your upcoming final vaccine. I wish I had even a first.

[buddha1too]

I haven't seen my parents in over two years. They live 3000 miles away, & because of the pandemic, travel has been impossible for the past year. Well, they called last night to inform me that they're coming to spend two weeks with us in June. I'm already getting pretty anxious about it.

I've shared in the past that in the '70s & early '80s, "regular folks" didn't seek treatment for mental illness. Authoritarian (dictatorial?) parenting was also more readily accepted. Because times were different, I've always been hesitant to suggest that I was emotionally abused coming up. In retrospect, my bipolar disorder was obvious from a very young age. I was always punished in a harsh manner when episodes would rear their head...especially depressed episodes. I could excel at many things when hypo & but, when depressed, corporal punishment & abusive language was dispensed regularly. I shy away from suggesting I have PTSD, but all it takes is a sideways glance from my father & I'm filled with dread to this day.

Despite everything, I love my parents...& they're in their 80s. I don't know how many visits we have left I feel guilty about dreading their visit, but there are times when it takes a real emotional effort to survive an hour on the phone with my father. A two week visit!? Holy cow!

Anyways, I'm just venting...

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I haven't seen my parents in over two years. They live 3000 miles away, & because of the pandemic, travel has been impossible for the past year. Well, they called last night to inform me that they're coming to spend two weeks with us in June. I'm already getting pretty anxious about it.

I've shared in the past that in the '70s & early '80s, "regular folks" didn't seek treatment for mental illness. Authoritarian (dictatorial?) parenting was also more readily accepted. Because times were different, I've always been hesitant to suggest that I was emotionally abused coming up. In retrospect, my bipolar disorder was obvious from a very young age. I was always punished in a harsh manner when episodes would rear their head...especially depressed episodes. I could excel at many things when hypo & but, when depressed, corporal punishment & abusive language was dispensed regularly. I shy away from suggesting I have PTSD, but all it takes is a sideways glance from my father & I'm filled with dread to this day.

Despite everything, I love my parents...& they're in their 80s. I don't know how many visits we have left I feel guilty about dreading their visit, but there are times when it takes a real emotional effort to survive an hour on the phone with my father. A two week visit!? Holy cow!

Anyways, I'm just venting...

2 weeks...aaaiiiii.....

[Nammu]

Buddha yeah, back in the day parents were authoritarian. I moved a long ways a way and only came back a few years ago. I live with mum and she can be hard to take some days. But to be honest I don’t think I could have reconciled with my father. He perceived my bipolar as a deliberate attack upon his name. Post often here and get some solitude to reflect while he is there.

[Mountaindewed]

Got our house listed at midnight. I slept decently but a long time. I got a vanilla steamer (no caffeine) and a sandwich from Starbucks this morning around 7. I then went back to sleep until 9 when my mom woke me up and said I needed to take a shower because we had to be out of the house in under an hour because we have 17 showings today. So we’re going to my aunts house until 4:30 and then we’re going out to dinner. So I was all like “wtf.” But I took a shower and I’m at my aunts now. I’m not happy about going out to eat but at least I’m out of the depression slump I’ve been in for a long time. Now I’m just on a mission type mode now that things are moving.

[daladico]

Back in the bipolar rapid cycling. Deep downs lately. Pdoc increased my abilify today (last session she increased abilify and decreased Zoloft, thinking Zoloft may be increasing the rapid cycling).
Was feeling super hopeless last night, fearing that I would never get better. Have a bit more hope today with the med increase.
Hugs to all.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Back in the bipolar rapid cycling. Deep downs lately. Pdoc increased my abilify today (last session she increased abilify and decreased Zoloft, thinking Zoloft may be increasing the rapid cycling).
Was feeling super hopeless last night, fearing that I would never get better. Have a bit more hope today with the med increase.
Hugs to all.

I'm so glad to see you, daladico

[Moose72]

Hello, all! I didn't get up until 10 today. My friend texted me then called which woke me up. She wanted to invite me to Starbucks- the one around the corner from me- a 2-minute drive unless I hit the red light. We just chatted and had coffee outside. It was 71 here today! I'm a little sleepy right now- feels nice with the Muppets on. I've been pouring over the disney forum. Its for trip planning. Ive asked a few questions recently but I looked up posts by me from 2014 and they were interesting. I did laundry today. I'd like to think I do laundry once a week but it comes up again so soon! What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies! I made an eye doctor appointment today. I don't have eye dr insurance so I have to pay for it myself. Im getting contacts! I've had them off and on since I was 17. Recently, I haven't had them for several years. I need to not wear them every day pr I'll run out during our trip. They last for a week each pair- or is it a month? That would be harder to deal with! We'll find out I guess. It's going to be expensive but it always is and this is way cheaper than last time i went to this place- that was at least 2 years ago because last year I saw an eye doctor that my doctor sent me to and she just gave me a prescription and I had to go get glasses (or contacts) made. Well that was a bad experience. I picked a pair of frames that they didn't help me pick and hence they were to wide for my face and kept sliding down my nose and/or falling off. When I brought them in they just tightened one of the arms. It sort of helped but it didn't last so I went in again- same thing! No mention of "maybe we sold you a pair of frames that are TOO BIG...."! So this is why I'm looking forward to seeing my regular doctor. That's next week.

[wildflowerchild25]

I absolutely LOST IT on my mom last night. She said to me it was “shameful” that my brother doesn’t see our grandma more often and I just blew up. I told her it’s completely unfair for her to blame everything on him, I know things that she doesn’t, I know for a FACT that he’s tried to get her to go out with her so they could hash things out and she has refused. I told her that our side of the family has been dysfunctional for generations and that not one person besides me and him have tried therapy to better ourselves and our relationships. I said if she has a problem with him she needs to actually TALK to him and LISTEN to him without judging and blaming or seeing it as a personal attack. Told her that expecting family to do for family no matter what when that family is actively treating you like crap is toxic ******** and I for one am not gonna take part in it anymore. I almost made it super personal and pointed out that she and her own brother do not speak because her brother is a passive aggressive disrespectful asshole. So obviously it runs in the family. But I held back from that.

I was so angry I was shaking by the end of it. Like how dare she speak to me like that after what I know about the way she’s been treating my brother? Is it any wonder that he like my SIL’s family better? They actually show him concern and caring. No one in our family ever calls or even texts just to check in on each other. Like no one. I mean, I cannot remember the last time someone in that side of the family told me they loved me, even my own mother. Me and my brother tell each other we love each other every time we talk because dammit that’s what families are supposed to be like. Don’t come at me telling me I owe you something when I never got jack **** from any of you. And they care even less about my brother if that’s even possible. They see him as a traitor. **** off.

Anyway all she said about it this morning is that I’m right, it’s the truth, and she needed to hear it. Whether she’ll take on board and actually do something to repair what’s been broken I don’t know but I said what I said and don’t regret it.

Sigh...in other news I think it’s possible I may be in a very slight hypo episode. Only because I’m very energetic, more so than usual, and especially because I really have no interest in eating much anymore. Like I’m hungry but I just don’t want to eat anything in particular. I’m forcing food down my throat because I gotta eat to live, right? But I’m not like enjoying anything. I’m kinda eating on the vegetarian side because meat is grossing me out. Sugary drinks and food, even artificially sweetened, are gross too. The only thing I am seriously looking forward to is my annual slice of birthday cheesecake lol. I get a slice of red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory every year on or around my birthday. Last year I couldn’t obviously but this year it’s back on. Unfortunately my actual birthday has been effectively “ruined” although that’s rather dramatic. It’s just it’s on Easter Sunday and originally my grandma wasn’t going to do a bug Easter and I was really looking forward to just sitting at home, cooking my family a nice little ham and some veggies, and calling it a day. But now she wants to have a whole family gathering, my mom’s side of the family, who as I’ve mentioned previously in this post are a bunch of assholes. I’m not too fond of my mom herself either at this point. My grandma is a huge enabler and a “don’t tick the boat” type person, but she’s 84. She not going to change. Everyone else though has no excuse. But whatever, I’ll go for a couple of hours.

Oh well. I’m gonna do whatever I want for the rest of the day. Which will likely be pick a new trail to explore. Or return to an old favorite. Haven’t decided yet.

[buddha1too]

@daladico...I'm glad the med change has you feeling a bit better about things. I don't intend to rob you of your emotions, but feeling things won't get better is part of BD. Been there, done that. It seems if I hang on long enough, things eventually improve. I hope that's the case for you. Waiting is the real burden...

@wildflowerchild...Sometimes the written word can lead one to misinterpret situations, so sorry if I'm about to do that. You acknowledge that you might be in a slight hypo state. You're feeling on edge, you're angry, you want to be in motion & you're writing a lot. Looking in the rearview mirror, it seems I've sometimes been like that as a direct result of hypomania. You know the particulars of your family situation, though. Your anger might be 100% justified. Good luck sorting things out. However, as my own grandma used to say, "Don't break any eggs unless you plan on baking the cake."

[daladico]

@buddha wow somehow I had never realized that “feeling things will never get better” is a part of bipolar... thank you for that insight... that actually really helps to realize that that is just yet another symptom...

[QUOTE=buddha1too;7048366]@daladico...I'm glad the med change has you feeling a bit better about things. I don't intend to rob you of your emotions, but feeling things won't get better is part of BD. Been there, done that. It seems if I hang on long enough, things eventually improve. I hope that's the case for you. Waiting is the real burden...

[wildflowerchild25]

@wildflowerchild...Sometimes the written word can lead one to misinterpret situations, so sorry if I'm about to do that. You acknowledge that you might be in a slight hypo state. You're feeling on edge, you're angry, you want to be in motion & you're writing a lot. Looking in the rearview mirror, it seems I've sometimes been like that as a direct result of hypomania. You know the particulars of your family situation, though. Your anger might be 100% justified. Good luck sorting things out. However, as my own grandma used to say, "Don't break any eggs unless you plan on baking the cake." [/QUOTE]

Yes I certainly understand what you’re saying and being slightly hypo may have been what led me to finally break and blow up. But trust me, I spoke 100% truth and she knows it.

In other news my brother and SIL have put a bid on a house just a few blocks away from us! It would be great to have them within walking distance. We could see my little niece far more often. Can’t get our hopes up though, houses are going super fast and they’ve already been outbid on 3. They put 15k over this time but on the other house they put 10k over and then someone put 10k over THEM immediately! Plus this house had an open house today, there might be lots of people with bigger budgets willing to jump in. But it would be nice!