[buddha1too]

@daladico...I'm glad the med change has you feeling a bit better about things. I don't intend to rob you of your emotions, but feeling things won't get better is part of BD. Been there, done that. It seems if I hang on long enough, things eventually improve. I hope that's the case for you. Waiting is the real burden...

@wildflowerchild...Sometimes the written word can lead one to misinterpret situations, so sorry if I'm about to do that. You acknowledge that you might be in a slight hypo state. You're feeling on edge, you're angry, you want to be in motion & you're writing a lot. Looking in the rearview mirror, it seems I've sometimes been like that as a direct result of hypomania. You know the particulars of your family situation, though. Your anger might be 100% justified. Good luck sorting things out. However, as my own grandma used to say, "Don't break any eggs unless you plan on baking the cake."

[gina_re]

Today was pretty good. I was by myself the entire day, so my trainer was not there at all. No crazy fires to put out so, so far so good. My back is still killing me though. Getting up from a chair was hard, and then it would randomly spasm when I was walking down the hall or wherever. I stayed late to finish my school reading, after talking to my sister for an hour. Then I came home and made a good discussion board post to my class. Just trying to wind down now so I can get to work at a decent time tomorrow.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yay on the helpful mani! I just went to get one. My cuticles are really bad. I had my nails gelled, which should stop the picking habit for a while, at least. I'm so glad you're relieved of the symptom

And thank you for the awesome suggetion!!

[daladico]

@buddha wow somehow I had never realized that “feeling things will never get better” is a part of bipolar... thank you for that insight... that actually really helps to realize that that is just yet another symptom...

[QUOTE=buddha1too;7048366]@daladico...I'm glad the med change has you feeling a bit better about things. I don't intend to rob you of your emotions, but feeling things won't get better is part of BD. Been there, done that. It seems if I hang on long enough, things eventually improve. I hope that's the case for you. Waiting is the real burden...

[Nammu]

I thought I’d pass a little good news along. My daughter is bp too and gained weight with her last pregnancy. All this talk of the covid gain. Well she’s actually losing weight. She’s on a low carb diet and her meals look delicious. So the good news! {{It’s possible to be bp on an antipsychotic in a pandemic and lose weight.} }I really don’t know how she does it. She’s a full time student (an honors student— a huge departure from hs which she barely graduated and her very rocky 20’s) a mom of two and her husband’s job takes him away for long periods of time. But somehow she has the energy to make these delicious looking healthy meals. Of course she’s only in her 30’s. She’s an inspiration to me.

I had a good talk with a peer-supporter this morning who said to make good food choices out of love for my body, not out of punishment. Well, that's just a revolutionary idea for me! It worked out well today.

I phoned the weight loss clinic and talked to two women who both rushed me and the second was almost hostile. So i didn't get a good vibe from them.

I went in the ZOOM drop-in and it went smoothly with just pleasant chatter and no one dumping or having tech dif.

I walked my dog and made it up Heartbreak Hill one more time. It was raining and i found it kind of romantic.

I watched a TED Talk with Kristen Neff on the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion and i found it very moving. I'll try and watch it over and over. It's twenty minutes, well worth a look.

@buddha1too: It seems most of us have complicated relationships with our parents. Two weeks sounds like a long time to host them. Can you suggest a shorter time?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Back in the bipolar rapid cycling. Deep downs lately. Pdoc increased my abilify today (last session she increased abilify and decreased Zoloft, thinking Zoloft may be increasing the rapid cycling).
Was feeling super hopeless last night, fearing that I would never get better. Have a bit more hope today with the med increase.
Hugs to all.

I'm so glad to see you, daladico

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I was able to spend time with my nieces today. Masked and 6 feet apart but my time for touching is 5 weeks away. It's going to happen. Tomorrow I'll be sad because my mom will be taking them home and I can't go because everyone but my mom would have to be masked for 2 hours and that's not fair to ask the kids to do (and I wouldn't enjoy it). But I saw them around their school work today and will tomorrow as well.

Tonight was grief group which I had trouble focusing on tonight.I don't feel like I'm in the same place as the others this week. Probably the letter I've written to my loved one that brought up so much I have to sort out. I have to decide about repeating the group now or waiting a while. I'd planned to try for the holidays as that is when things get really bad for anniversaries but they take a break at exactly that time. So I'm not sure. Hopefully my therapist will be able to help me decide.

I just flossed where I got a filling yesterday and the floss touching the tooth feels like someone poking a nerve. I assume the filling didn't adhere or something. I'll call the dentist tomorrow but was wondering if anyone has had this happen? I've not and I've had a lot of dental work done in my time.

Thanks

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I thought I’d pass a little good news along. My daughter is bp too and gained weight with her last pregnancy. All this talk of the covid gain. Well she’s actually losing weight. She’s on a low carb diet and her meals look delicious. So the good news! {{It’s possible to be bp on an antipsychotic in a pandemic and lose weight.} }I really don’t know how she does it. She’s a full time student (an honors student— a huge departure from hs which she barely graduated and her very rocky 20’s) a mom of two and her husband’s job takes him away for long periods of time. But somehow she has the energy to make these delicious looking healthy meals. Of course she’s only in her 30’s. She’s an inspiration to me.

Aw, that's wonderful, Nammu. It is so rewarding when our kids inspire us!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

...
I just flossed where I got a filling yesterday and the floss touching the tooth feels like someone poking a nerve. I assume the filling didn't adhere or something. I'll call the dentist tomorrow but was wondering if anyone has had this happen? I've not and I've had a lot of dental work done in my time.

Thanks

*chills* -That sounds very painful and not right. Yikes. Def call you dentist.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@buddha1too: It seems most of us have complicated relationships with our parents. Two weeks sounds like a long time to host them. Can you suggest a shorter time?

Thanks for the suggestion, whatever. I haven't seen my therapist in four months, so I made an appointment with her to talk the situation over. I'm a stronger person than I once was, so I hope I can find a way to host them without it making me unwell. I fear feeling guilty when they're gone. None of us are getting any younger.

BTW...Congrats on another day out with your dog & for storming Heartbreak Hill!

[Soupe du jour]

I'm really dreading my therapy appointment this morning. I have the feeling of it being like two magnets with the same poles repelling each other. As I ruminate on it, I become more and more agitated. That makes me want to step away from therapy for a bit, but I know that would be unhealthy and isolating.

Next week I meet with a psychiatrist here. I don't dread that, but am rather curious. I hope he is as good as the reviews say he is. He'll have to be.

The isolation is really getting to me. In the US, even despite the pandemic, I could do a lot more by myself. I find that I can thrive on even little bits of things, but to have them gone makes me feel psychologically malnourished.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm really dreading my therapy appointment this morning. I have the feeling of it being like two magnets with the same poles repelling each other. As I ruminate on it, I become more and more agitated. That makes me want to step away from therapy for a bit, but I know that would be unhealthy and isolating.

I hope it went well. What was the upshot?

[*Beth*]

I received my stimulus check yesterday, so can finally (after 8 months) taken my trusty old Saturn SUV in to be repaired. In 2 years it'll be old enough to buy a beer, but I love it. Fun to drive, kinda reminds me of my VW Bus. Plus, it belonged to my sister; when she died my BIL gave it to me. I feel close to her when I drive it. I'll be taking it in on Tuesday. And tomorrow is finally *hair day*! I'm going to get highlights or lowlights or whatever she wants to do to blend in my very silver roots. They're nothing new, as I was silver by the time I was thirty, but they remain a royal pain in the azz.

I never know how I feel, unless I'm really down or anxious. Actually, a good topic to bring up with my therapist today. So I guess I feel okay. It seems to me that the 300mg Wellbutrin is helping me.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I hope it went well. What was the upshot?

Thanks, buddha1too. As often is the case, the session wasn't as horrible as I dreaded it would be. Nevertheless, I was happy when it was over. She is encouraging me to do something I've put off. A big thing. I guess I do need a fire under my backside. Hubby doesn't usually put one there.

Hubby and I took a nice walk in a local forest. They're everywhere, as are official trails. Today's walk was especially to find a nice pond Hubby saw on a map. It's there and waiting for him to swim in once the ice melts a lot more.

[Sunflower123]

We’ve got severe weather coming in again. All schools and businesses are closing early. Several tornados and ping pong sized hail are expected. I’m stocking the bathroom so we can head there when the warnings come through. I’m so over this. It’s nerve wracking. Tornados have hit the last three years. I hope my daughter can still come tomorrow. Heck, I hope she has some place to come to.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

We’ve got severe weather coming in again. All schools and businesses are closing early. Several tornados and ping pong sized hail are expected. I’m stocking the bathroom so we can head there when the warnings come through. I’m so over this. It’s nerve wracking. Tornados have hit the last three years. I hope my daughter can still come tomorrow. Heck, I hope she has some place to come to.

Well, that sounds VERY scary! Nerve wracking is right. Please be safe, Jennifer.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

We’ve got severe weather coming in again. All schools and businesses are closing early. Several tornados and ping pong sized hail are expected. I’m stocking the bathroom so we can head there when the warnings come through. I’m so over this. It’s nerve wracking. Tornados have hit the last three years. I hope my daughter can still come tomorrow. Heck, I hope she has some place to come to.

I'm also wishing you safety and no damage during that horrible sounding storm.

I also hope your daughter can come. I know how that lifts your mood.

[gina_re]

Today was pretty decent. I got a good amount done at work today. I'm still being trained technically, but most of it I understand and can do on my own at this point. I just wish I could get up earlier so I can get there earlier so I can leave earlier. I'm just struggling getting up in the morning. And because none of my supervisors are there to really say anything to me, I take advantage of it. I had a boring two hour training class though, how dreadful that was. My back is still giving me problems. You know it's funny, I'm less likely to take anything for physical pain like this, but I'm quick to take anything for the mental pain. To me that hurts so much more. Except the carpal tunnel pain I had in my right hand last year. I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry in pain. I had no choice but to get surgery to take care of it last summer. But I digress. All that's left to do now is snuggle with my kitty and go to sleep. Hope everyone is ok, and if you're not currently, you will be. Just hang on.

We went from parka weather to bikini weather in a week! My benzo taper continues to go well. I had a nice time riding our train today, going to a quiet mall for lunch and going in two ZOOM mental health events. I messed up a joke i tried to tell and felt like a horse's @$$ but i tried using my new self-compassion skills and was somewhat successful. I watched the self-compassion video again and i'll have to make it a daily practice to combat all those years of self-esteem training. Still no word from the weight loss clinic. So hard to wait. Such mixed feelings about it. I learned that they have a psychiatrist and psychologist on staff as part of their "team approach." I guess that's good but i'll have to bring my diplomacy skills with me as i have problems with both professions. I learned three new things about using ZOOM on my phone. Every time i use it i learn something new.

Hugs to all!

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing good. Super drowsy from the unisom. I may have also taken 2 80 Geodon by mistake 4 hours apart. I don’t know. I’m still waking up at night but I’m sleeping in until 8-9 in the morning. Today we had to be out of the house all day again. We went to a couple bookstores. I found one book. I ordered the rest on Amazon. Then we went to my uncles from 12-6:45. I was very restless. My uncle was upstairs working until about 4 so it was just my uncles girlfriend around. Her grandson was there as well but he was upstairs doing school. She has 2 daughters who live with her but they were at work. And I was glad. They are ok. Kinda odd people. But I haven’t seen them since I started transitioning.

But we had about 40 showings on the house in 2 days. Got 6 offers so far. Some very good, some ok, some not good. I have no idea what any of this means. My mom and the realtor are talking about appraisal and contingity or something.

Tomorrow we have to go to the town I’m moving to and meet with the realtor and then look at houses on Saturday. I have to spend a couple nights in a hotel. My mom and brother packed tonight. I’ll pack in the morning. I’m fast in the morning and I can get everything done quickly.

I’m dealing with PMS. Or at least it used to be when I’d PMS. I think I have 10 days until my period. But so far I am doing ok. Just kinda annoyed at everything going on. My therapist the old one always told me to think of stuff as just an inconvenience.

[Soupe du jour]

I think I put on a lot of weight these past couple weeks. I see a difference. Prior to that, I at least maintained my usual weight despite all of the stress related to my move. We've ordered meals takeout or delivery too often, and eaten too many sausages, salamis, other fatty meat dishes, rolls and other baked goods. All mostly traditional Czech stuff. The thing is, if you go really traditional here, the food is quite cheap. You can buy a beef goulash meal with Czech dumplings, that feeds two people, for as little as 120 czk total. That's the equivalent to $5.42. How can you beat that! It's hard to even make that meal at home for so cheap. And for only the equivalent of $2 more, you can even sometimes have duck, rabbit, wild boar, or venison, which would cost a fortune in the US. And from one place the meal even comes with a soup. Good grief! And though I've tried hard to limit my alcohol consumption, it's hard not to have at least a little with the meals. Three liters (6 x 0.5 liters) of very good beer can be purchased for 90 czk ($4). It's hard to find a six-pack of 12 oz (as opposed to 17 oz) swill beer for that, in the US.

Between continuing stress, the overly firm mattress, and high fat eating I'm not feeling that great, physically. I want to make a change, but it's hard. I should also drink more water for my kidney health (I have mild kidney damage), but though I'm trying, not having a fridge water and ice dispenser, like in the US, makes me a bit delinquent. I have a Brita-like filter pitcher, but it's not the same. Otherwise, most Czechs all drink bottled mineral water, when they're not drinking beer or wine.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

We went from parka weather to bikini weather in a week! My benzo taper continues to go well. I had a nice time riding our train today, going to a quiet mall for lunch and going in two ZOOM mental health events. I messed up a joke i tried to tell and felt like a horse's @$$ but i tried using my new self-compassion skills and was somewhat successful. I watched the self-compassion video again and i'll have to make it a daily practice to combat all those years of self-esteem training. Still no word from the weight loss clinic. So hard to wait. Such mixed feelings about it. I learned that they have a psychiatrist and psychologist on staff as part of their "team approach." I guess that's good but i'll have to bring my diplomacy skills with me as i have problems with both professions. I learned three new things about using ZOOM on my phone. Every time i use it i learn something new.

I'm continually impressed by (& envious of) your commitment to doing everything you can to get & stay stable & healthy. You keep your days full & always seem to try to learn new things.

I'm not a huge fan of Zoom, but I do attend Monday through Friday Zoom AA meetings. I haven't touched a drink in almost two decades, & haven't had the desire to pick one up in years, but AA isn't just about staying sober. There are steps in AA. One step reads, "Continued to take personal inventory, & when we were wrong promptly admitted it." I think that's a fairly important goal to strive towards. I don't do it every day, but most of the time it keeps me from getting too resentful, or from wallowing in self-righteous self-pity. AA is a nice tool in my mental health toolbox (just like CBT, meditation, & other tools I use). Mind you, though, I'm certainly not trying to preach AA...I hate it when people do that.

I have an appointment with my therapist next week. I haven't seen her in four months. She's returned to in-person appointments...which is a definite plus. I think this will be a visit to touch base. I have one issue to work out, but have been feeling stable for some time. No sense looking for trouble where none exists, I guess.

It's Friday, peeps! There's a weekend on the horizon!

[*Beth*]

The day has not started out great. I've been experiencing some panic, which is unlike me (anxiety for sure, but not panic). It's causing sleep disturbance, which is definitely not a good thing. I'm hoping and praying this day will get better.

[Moose72]

N3 went to the secretary of state and got his learners permit! He had one after drivers ed but that was 3 years ago and it either expired and/or he lost it. So now he has 3 months to practice for the road test. And he passed the written test this morning!

I made myself an appointment to see my eye doctor. Its been a year since I last saw an eye doctor and even longer since I've been to this place. I'm getting contacts! Woohoo! This way, I should have enough for a pair to wear (and a backup pair) for when we're at WDW!

I'm very sleepy right now. I only got up at 8. Its not even 3:45! I am debating whether or not I take a nap or tough it out and go to bed early.