Friend with BPD, and discard

I'm sorry about starting another thread

I've often heard about ''narcissists'' and how they sometimes ''discard'' people.

I had a ''friend'' irl who has BPD, she recently discarded me

When I needed support... and it was usually me supporting her, making her laugh and more.... she discarded me. Her last text to me said ''ok''

And she talked my ear off about her problems

I was nothing but supportive to her

No idea why .... idk if anyone else has ever experienced this?

So Sorry for what you're going through! Please Do not give up! i have never experienced this but regardless of the specific diagnosis it seems clear that she isn't respecting your feelings very much. i'd suggest to talk to her about this and make her understand that you don't appreciate this if that is true. i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone. Please do update us if possible if you want to. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Fuzzybear, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thanks MickeyCheeky, I agree, the diagnosis doesn't really matter, it's the behaviour that hurts. I will tell her that I don't appreciate it if I don't hear from her with something ''nicer'' in a week or so (and somehow I doubt if I will..) :-(

That is so hurtful in so many ways; giving so much to someone and realizing it’s not been appreciated or returned. I wonder if it’s a relationship you want to pursue. It sounds like she may just be using you and incapable of giving back. Her needs are constant but she has no room for anyone else.

Has she ever been supportive and there for you? You’ve really helped her through some serious situations. It might be a good time to rethink whether she’s really a friend.

Take care of yourself!

Thanks, I agree. I think she might be someone who is ''only on transmit''..... as you said her needs are constant and she has no room for anyone else. She is incapable or unwilling to give back. She has occasionally been supportive of me, not often though. I am rethinking whether she is a friend (probably not...)

Thanks for your support

I have a friend with Borderline Personality Disorder (clarifying because of the muddiness with BPD as bipolar) who would rant to me about her problems, which is fine. Friends do that sometimes. But it was much more about her ranting than actually having an exchange with me. One day, she got very upset that I talked to someone that she felt was hurtful to her. I felt like, according to her, pretty much everyone was hurtful to her, and I wasn't going to drop a really good friend for someone who could be borderline abusive. So she just stopped talking to me. Really, I was fine with it because she was Rant Lady anyway. But about five years later, she friend requested me on Facebook and told me she was going through DBT and trying to get better and that she was sorry for the way she treated me. We have a much better exchange now. So this whole long thing is me trying to say not to worry about it too much. Maybe she'll take care of herself and get it figured out. In the end, you'll have a better friend, if she ever does get it figured out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Thanks MickeyCheeky, I agree, the diagnosis doesn't really matter, it's the behaviour that hurts. I will tell her that I don't appreciate it if I don't hear from her with something ''nicer'' in a week or so (and somehow I doubt if I will..) :-( Possible trigger: ................................................................................. She made suicide threats MANY times. Not just saying she felt suicidal, she actually said stuff like. ''I'm going to kill myself, bye'' No idea why I even put up with her :-(

When that happens with anyone and if she does it to you again. Call. The. Cops. Every time. Otherwise she knows she’s got you.

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I agree with Sarah. In such a situation as you hid you should call the police.

In general I don't know what to say though. I can only vaguely recall once having a girlfriend who was like that. It was severe manipulation.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with her.
perhaps narcissistic?????
runaway from her!

bizi

I think so, I think she is a Narcissist. I have been observing more of her behaviours. I have run away from her!

Thanks Ursula

A "friend" like that one is no friend to have in your life. I'm sorry, Fuzzy

That's terrible. I'm sorry your friend didn't treat you well.

I think if you're a good listener some people can latch on and take advantage of that, it sounds like she's taken far more than she's given and you're now evaluating this friendship. Sometimes asserting boundaries can help I think but other times it won't help. I think if she's truly narcissistic and doesn't want to address that then it's not likely to help.

I would say you deserve better and a more reciprocal friendship.

Hugs!

I'm happy to read that you've left that toxic friendship behind you, in your past. We all have toxic friendship stories to share. Believe me!

So many red flags with her for you, that should have clued you in as to drop her like a hot potato:

-she NEVER reciprocated equally with emotional support
-the friendship was lopsided/one-sided: you gave, she took
-her emotional manipulation through her so-called suicide threats; she did that to keep you hooked emotionally as narcissists will do. You were her emotional supply. People like her are emotional vampires.

Stay away from her. She will breadcrumb you to come back. Use what's called the "Grey Rock" method with her, should she text or email or call you again. Just don't respond. Ignore her. Consistently. Do not respond with a single word b/c when you do, that signals to her that you are still emotionally hooked/enmeshed with her friendship and will be available to her crazy toxic behavior.

Not everyone who crosses our path deserves our friendship. Be more picky. You are a very caring person, Fuzzy. Don't be so quick to give your friendship to everyone so freely, without some boundaries in place first, to protect yourself and set limitations with the other person so they know what lines not to cross with you.

I had a coworker like that. I assume she had BPD but all she ever said at work was that she had addiction issues. But she’d text me in the middle of the night talking about how she was S. But I’d respond back and she’d never answer. Then the next day at work I’d ask if she was ok and she would smile and say “yeah I just had a moment.” She would never respond to my texts which were mostly work related. Then she texted and said that her mom died and just stopped showing up to work. Her mom did not die by the way. It was a lie. Her mom is all over her Facebook. I never told work what really happened because I didn’t feel like throwing her under the bus. I just stopped communicating with her because I don’t want to associate myself with those types of people. I’m still Facebook friends with her though. After I posted a new profile picture during the winter she sent me a PM saying I looked great and some other BS. I answered her and got no reply. Typical.

Why would you continue to be friends with this woman on your Facebook page? She sounds like a real nightmare.

I never interact with her on Facebook and her posts are always pretty juicy. One of them said “fresh outta county”

Have you ever heard the saying “that friend you keep around for shits and giggles” ? that’s what she is.

Egads she sounds like a guest on one of those smarmy daytime tv talk shows.