[Sunflower123]

My mom’s 18 year old yorkie is in the process of passing. I’ve had little sleep as a result. My sister is coming over to take mom and dog to the emergency vet because I can’t take care of brother and dog both. While this was going on, I found out my best friend from high school who I just talked to last week suddenly collapsed and died from Covid in Florida yesterday. Wicked, wicked disease.

I’m still going to slip away this morning to float. It’s more important now than ever. I’m feeling myself slipping a bit.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

You lush, Nammu!

Still feeling very hopeless and weepy...over nothing. Embarrassing. Isolating big time.

What's happening with your meds?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Yesterday, the shoulder and arm pain I had had a while back returned. For some reason, pain in various parts of the right-side of my body seems to come and go. Even the tingling and numbness I had had seemed to be gone. Then for a while I'd wake up and the bottom of my feet hurt. Then just my left heel. But usually the pain would always pass (or at least ease) soon after getting up out of bed. I went to a neurologist a while back and even talked about it to my new GP. I think I'll need the neurologist again. My guess is between one or both of two falls I had almost a year ago, and all of the strain and stress of the moving project, I injured myself more than I realized. I had x-rays after both falls, but nothing major was found. Or am I just getting old?

Despite the above, I think my mood is ever so slightly lifting. Not sure if it is the extra Lamictal I was prescribed, or other factors.

Could be age-related. I've noticed in my 50's I injure much more easily and do not heal nearly as quickly and thoroughly as I used to. Falls can really set off chronic pain.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

My daughter just talked me into having a wine 🎊 party. I teased her that I might buy 6 bottles from a wine com that sent me a good introductory price. She knows I know nothing about wine. She thought it a great idea and is coming tomorrow to help me plan. It’s just a small party with 6-7 people all family. Now I’m getting excited about it too. Let’s see…havarti and something sharper with crackers and bagel chips. Olives. A fruit platter. Hmm maybe cards to rate the wines. What else do I need?

I don't know what else you need, but it sounds fun!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

This mental health care system can go get ****ed. I can't get more intensive (outpatient) treatment because I live with my mom who can afford food but not a boat.

I truly feel for you. The system blows!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My mom’s 18 year old yorkie is in the process of passing. I’ve had little sleep as a result. My sister is coming over to take mom and dog to the emergency vet because I can’t take care of brother and dog both. While this was going on, I found out my best friend from high school who I just talked to last week suddenly collapsed and died from Covid in Florida yesterday. Wicked, wicked disease.

I’m still going to slip away this morning to float. It’s more important now than ever. I’m feeling myself slipping a bit.

Oh Jennifer. I'm so sorry. You just have too much burden

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@raging vortex, I'm sorry to read that you needed hospitalization. I had noticed that you were absent for a while. I'm glad to see you back.

Soupe du jour

I'm glad to be back too, and to eat something (and to my home comforts)

now, if only I can forget about the experience, I can move on

sadly the flashbacks have other ideas..

I am having takeout pizza tonight

I had mcdonalds yesterday, so 2 takeouts in a row isn't the best idea, but what can I say.. I've been in hospital for 10 days. I need filling up.

feeling good today. mainly listening to music and catching up on more emails

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Nammu

My daughter just talked me into having a wine 🎊 party. I teased her that I might buy 6 bottles from a wine com that sent me a good introductory price. She knows I know nothing about wine. She thought it a great idea and is coming tomorrow to help me plan. It’s just a small party with 6-7 people all family. Now I’m getting excited about it too. Let’s see…havarti and something sharper with crackers and bagel chips. Olives. A fruit platter. Hmm maybe cards to rate the wines. What else do I need?

If you can get some kind of cracker that's made with stone ground flour so that you get a better sense of the grain that might add to the experience.
Some meats for the salty flavor.
More than just two cheeses if you've got 6 wines.
As to wines, I would only bother with whites and reds. Chill the white, but keep the red a cool, room temperature. Don't bother with rose wine or bubbly. They don't fit what you're doing.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

feeling good today. mainly listening to music and catching up on more emails

I'm glad you're feeling good today. Music is its own form of treatment. ...and of course the email demonstrates connection with others - also a good thing.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Sapien

This mental health care system can go get ****ed. I can't get more intensive (outpatient) treatment because I live with my mom who can afford food but not a boat.

If it's a hospital you're working with ask them about applying to the patient financial assistance program. Hospitals in the US get non-taxable charity status by offering patient assistance. I, for example, get ECT every month at about $2,000.00 each treatment and the hospital is writing it off, taking only what my insurance pays. Try talking with an intake staff member or a social worker.

[Brentus]

@Jennifer 1967
I’m so sorry you’re going through so much right now. For what it’s worth, I always enjoy your posts and find it inspirational you find little things to enjoy even among the chaos of handling all the hardships you are right now. Floating by the pool the other, however brief that may have been, seemed very relaxing! When it rains, it pours right? I hope things even out and get easier. You’re doing so much to help and going through a lot. I wish I had half your strength.

@Sapien
I feel ya. I have very strong opinions about healthcare and education – neither should cost an arm and a leg. I find it paradoxical about how these systems work. I won’t get on my soap box, I know better lol. I’m sorry about your issues though. I would look into what Daonnachd was saying, hopefully that helps!


I’m doing ok today, I think. I started my new med yesterday. It’s strange being on a meds again, but the majority of what I’m experiencing is beneficial and good. I won’t blame the issues yet on the med. I did feel rather restless but I did drink a lot of soda that day, even more so than I usually do, and had some anxiety about taking the meds because of reading the side effects. The one thing I can say I really quite enjoyed about the medicine is that while it didn’t seem to slow down my mind, it did make me feel like I was wearing a nice warm blanket around me wherever I went. A calming sensation. That may diminish over time, obviously, but it was welcomed yesterday. It didn’t make me overly tired, so that’s still a plus in that category too. I just hope it doesn’t cause a lot of weight gain on my end. So far, so good.

That’s all I wanted to contribute to that.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

If it's a hospital you're working with ask them about applying to the patient financial assistance program. Hospitals in the US get non-taxable charity status by offering patient assistance. I, for example, get ECT every month at about $2,000.00 each treatment and the hospital is writing it off, taking only what my insurance pays. Try talking with an intake staff member or a social worker.

Good info for others, but it's a CMHC I'm working with and their benefits advisor couldn't help me out much (I may talk to her again though).
I'm trying to get in ACT as literally everyone at the hospital and everyone on my treatment team thinks I need it, but you need to be on medicaid for it (not sure if I've discussed this on here already or if it's just deja vu) and my mom's income + my income is too much to be eligible, but of course neither of us can pay for it ourselves so I'm stuck with 5 minute phone calls every 3-4 months and biweekly therapy which is fine when I'm stable, but I've been stable about 2 months out of 2021 so far.

--------------

My therapist, and my friend I just talked to both are expecting me to go back IP next week because I don't have access to a psychiatrist and all PHP is doing is making me overwhelmed and paranoid. Even the doc at the hospital on my discharge date was said "If going home doesn't make you better, you can just come back." I don't want to live IP though. I spent a month in there mostly just getting worse, then they gave me a PRN to survive and get a break from the paranoia and voices and weird-*** thought patterns and now I'm stuck on 3 APs+mood stabilizer (working well)+benzo+several meds for side effects, still dealing with this **** just on a much milder scale. I think I just have to accept that I'll always be symptomatic to some extent and learn to live with it.

Felt angry and watched a violent movie i like for about the tenth time and feel better. It's so comforting watching familiar movies. I'll watch the sequel as soon as my phone charges. The superior sound over my stereo earbuds revealed some dialogue i missed watching it on a TV.

I'm actually fairly attracted to movie aggression for a woman. My sister is too. I also like wearing this Hell's Angels ring i bought because it looked like the snake rings in my favorite movie, a splatter-fest. I didn't have my glasses on and it turns out it is a fancy bald eagle landing with a twining crest that says, "LIVE TO RIDE / RIDE TO LIVE." I'm not even patriotic in my choice of hoodlum groups (Canadian)! I tell everyone it is my public transit ring as i am an advocate of that service!

[Mountaindewed]

My anxiety is a bit tough today but I got through it once again with my books. I finished the book I started late yesterday afternoon. It was 417 pages so it was pretty big. I read 100 pages yesterday and then the rest today. I went to the library early this morning and I picked up some Stephen King books. I had started one a few years ago but I gave up on it. I knew where I left off so I just picked back up on it. My moods seem a bit weird and I don’t know why. I’m not S. Not depressed. Not physically sick. I just feel weird. But I always feel weird. It could just be my reading material. Some of the stuff I’m reading is pretty heavy.

[Moose72]

I'm in bed. Tired. It's the weekend so same old story. N3 and I had Korean B Bim Bop for dinner. It was like we both had a good cry because of how spicy it was 🥵🔥! It's already 8:30 so I think I'll just go to sleep instead of read. I'm sore all over as if I exercised but I did not. Didn't have my evening tea just my increased Seroquel as part of my night time meds. I need to do laundry tomorrow- I hope not everybody is trying to do theirs too- but if I start it after I get home I shouldn't have a problem.

[bizi]

I am grieving the lose of a good friend of mine.
Doris struggled with congestive heart failure, CHF.
she was supposed to have a valve replacement and died struggling with
having dialysis 2 days and finally after they had tried every thing she got off oxygen and was seeming to improve, she needed to get stronger in order to have the replacement of her heart valve. She had been transfered to a rehab facility.
she made it 2 days then they had to trans port her to the hospital where she coded several times and they tried every thing but she died in the icu.
she had been battling for a month, in the hospital ICU for 3 weeks then 2 days at rehab. I am sad that she died. she was one of 2 really good friends here.
I am glad that we got to share a road trip with each other, her to see her mother and take care of her for 3 days. and then we went up to north carolina to see a blue grass festival. I will miss our tea parties.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm so sorry for your loss Bizi.

[Scooter9]

I sorry for the loss of your close friend @bizi.

Cherish the good memories you have and I hope they will help to get you through this difficult time.

[bizi]

I don 't go to funerals but will attend a calling if they have one.
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hi @~Christina. I hope your upcoming trip is pleasant and without negative issues. After reading about this, it made me think how lucky you and Steve now are that the trip is even possible again. It's been a while, but I recall those months when Steve was extremely sick. And you were struggling a lot then, as well. As you did before, do feel willing to say "No" to anything that seems too much/stressful. I hope you and Steve do manage to catch a few weeks before you set off. That's also great that you see T right before.

Though I don't have joint swelling, my husband also brings up how I don't wear my wedding ring. My reason? I'm about 35 lbs heavier than the day I got married. At one point I struggled to get it off my finger, as it was strangling it. It hasn't gone on since. I do still wear my unofficial engagement ring. Unofficial because Czechs don't have them. I sort of pushed him to at least buy me something like one. Not sure why that still fits.

Thanks for the idea of making our new friend a dinner dish. I have to think more about what it might be. As for the weather, it has cooled down where I am. We even wore light jackets yesterday. Right now (at almost 4 pm) it is 64 F (18 C). It was raining a little.

I once went on a low"ish" carbohydrate diet about nine years ago. I was successful, losing almost 40 lbs in six months. I don't have proper knowledge about diabetic diet requirements, but I can say there are plenty of tasty low sugar/carb goodies out there that can be made at home. They will always be better than any junk they make for sale at stores. Do you mind using sugar substitutes? If not, there are so many options. Low carbers are big fans of cheesecake. I also often made bread puddings, no sugar added smoothies and frapuccinos, lots of fruit with low/no sugar whipped topping, angel food cake made with Swerve sugar substitute, various ricotta desserts, clafoutis, blintzes, fruit tarts, and the like. There are also so many nut-based goodies, including low carb peanut butter cookies. I tended to try to keep things a little lower in fat, but I know many super low carb dieters are quite generous with them. That certainly offers even more options. Some are easier to make than you might think. Others are more work.

As examples, the attached three photos are sweets that I made in the past that used low/no calorie sugar substitutes in place of regular sugars. They were yummy. If you're more of a chocolate fan, there are ideas at The Best Low-Carb & Keto Chocolate Dessert Recipes — Diet Doctor

Thanks Soupe.. Yes I am hoping this trip is more tolerable than so many in the past. There could be some weather problems but that changes daily.

Oh that stuff looks so yummy. I have been making a few things to help take the edge off of having so many treats off limits. I made a cobbler with Blackberries we picked off our land.. I got it down as low as possible with carbs and the natural sugar in the berries with Stevia.. We each hard literally 3 tablespoons full and checked our numbers 1.5 hours later and they were just barely inside the guidelines. So even that small amount was too much except for a every blue moon. Steve and I both are going to do whatever it takes to manage this with just the low dose of medication and strict dietary restrictions. I do not want either of us to need a stronger medication or a weekly add on injection and certainly not needing Insulin.. But I'm gonna whine about it sometimes LOL ..

Ahhhh your weather sounds wonderful

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi Christina, me again. I'm so sorry about your uncle and, yes...birthday anniversaries don't seem to get any easier as the years past. Maybe just a little bit gentler of a grief...

I've lost all my aunts, uncles, and both parents. I feel like an orphan. I think...you know, it's no wonder really old people become tired of living. So much loss.

It's a downright shock to me, how few foods there are for diabetics. I mean, a lot of people are pre-diabetic or diabetic...what's the deal...guess we're supposed to live on lettuce...

Wonderful that you have a rheumatologist that you like! Seems to me that good MD's are more scarce than ever. Or maybe I'm just old and crabby.

I'm sending love to you and no.more.pain. vibes. Okay, that may be unrealistic so I'm sending "much LESS pain" vibes*~**~**~*

Thank you for all your kindness

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My mom’s 18 year old yorkie is in the process of passing. I’ve had little sleep as a result. My sister is coming over to take mom and dog to the emergency vet because I can’t take care of brother and dog both. While this was going on, I found out my best friend from high school who I just talked to last week suddenly collapsed and died from Covid in Florida yesterday. Wicked, wicked disease.

I’m still going to slip away this morning to float. It’s more important now than ever. I’m feeling myself slipping a bit.

Oh Jennifer I am so sorry for your loss You have so much happening at once. Do you have a session with your T soon?? Could you get in sooner if need be? Please take good care of yourself

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Oh Jennifer. I'm so sorry. You just have too much burden

Originally Posted by bizi

I am grieving the lose of a good friend of mine.
Doris struggled with congestive heart failure, CHF.
she was supposed to have a valve replacement and died struggling with
having dialysis 2 days and finally after they had tried every thing she got off oxygen and was seeming to improve, she needed to get stronger in order to have the replacement of her heart valve. She had been transfered to a rehab facility.
she made it 2 days then they had to trans port her to the hospital where she coded several times and they tried every thing but she died in the icu.
she had been battling for a month, in the hospital ICU for 3 weeks then 2 days at rehab. I am sad that she died. she was one of 2 really good friends here.
I am glad that we got to share a road trip with each other, her to see her mother and take care of her for 3 days. and then we went up to north carolina to see a blue grass festival. I will miss our tea parties.

Oh Bizi I'm sorry you lost such a wonderful friend..

[~Christina]

I gotta get off here I've been struggling with ever increasing Auditory hallucinations the last 48 hours or more. They start off quietly but then are increasing

Right now I can still fact check them so hopefully that will continue..

I dont have time for this. We leave Wednesday night so I cant start on any meds. I need to be alert I am not sure if Steve will be able to help driving.

I am safe, I can fact check. But if I hear " I wish that I was Jessie's girl one more bloody time I'm going to implode.. I hated that garbage song when it first polluted the air waves. There are 2 old mean sounding men yelling on the other side of the house where the kids rooms are. In between all this is Opera... Deep painful Opera ( sorry not a fan) I hear lots of guns which have triggered my PTSD and many of you know why..

Arghhh Steve knows all of this is going on. I always have a chattering noise behind me but its louder and I'm starting to make out words, usually its just mumbling..

The sound of my nails on this laptop is like nails on a chalk board ..

EEEEKKKK ! I'm hoping this will be gone by morning. Like there is never a good time for this bullshyyyyt ever !!!! But good grief I have a quick trip to Florida to make and Im seeing my brother.. I have to see him...

Yes by morning I'll be fine !!!! This is all stressed related ( Booo Hisss )

Hugs and love to anyone in need