[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I went to the BBQ! I had a great time! The woman who hosted it is a true chef of BBQ. I had a chicken breast and grilled zucchini, corn and naan bread. My music went over well (cool jazz). It was just such a joy to do something so... NORMAL. And i don't just mean re COVID, just something that normal, healthy people do. To take part and participate in real life. I had my alcohol-free rosé wine that Pat gave me for my birthday while the other ladies had mojitos. I didn't stay after dinner as there were wasps bothering me but i'm still delighted that i went and took part.

Aces!

...

Great! I just knew you'd have a good time!

[Mountaindewed]

I took a lot last night. First several things for consTipation. Then Like 3 or 4 melatonin an extra 20 Geodon and one of my anti dizziness meds even though I wasn’t dizzy. I just wanted to sleep. I fell asleep at 7:30 and now I’m so drowsy I can barely hold my phone and it’s over an hour past the time I’d normally get up. I’m trying to wake up but I’m not having much luck. I’m still achy and in pain but I can’t feel much else besides severe drowsiness.

My mom said she Is getting concerned about my eating and she’s worried I’m working myself up into an eating disorder. Those were her exact words. But I’ve just felt too nauseated to eat lately.

I have to take a shower since I didn’t take on yesterday but I’ll have to do it after I have coffee because I don’t trust myself in the shower right now.

[Moose72]

I am home from camping. I went from Tuesday through yesterday. I slept on the couch in the motorhome- it was pretty comfy. My mom had the a/c blasting so I covered up with two blankets and a flannel sheet. Both nights I slept solidly, despite the dog going nuts because of the weather. Even just lightening without thunder gets here going crazy! We had a big breakfast with my 4 aunts and uncles and even two of my mom's cousins came to visit! Plus, my late grandfather's second wife- the only person I'd known to be with him- who had covid a few months ago and still her breathing isn't back to normal. Everybody pitched in- it was like a potluck.

Today, my mom left for a work trip. And FWB is on a weekend trip, as well, to see his younger daughter in Texas. N3 has his new address! He has some "paper" work to do on the computer before he moves in, but he does have a move-in date! I remember that from last October. I'm sitting here drinking a Dunkin Donuts coffee with cream. It's still pretty hot. When I got home yesterday, it was 92 outside and inside it was 90! I ran the a/c for quite a while to get it back to comfortable.

Tried calling Caleb about 6:30 this morning but he didn't answer. He must still be asleep. Not like him. His back is still really in pain. He went to the ER yesterday and they told him he has a UTI, but that his kidneys were not involved. The UTI must be left over from the one he had previously when he had that catheter in for all those weeks. When I talked with Caleb two mornings ago, he had all sorts of things to say to me and my mom kept saying "How's Caleb?" and such. She really likes him. I also PMed him on Facebook messenger one night. I bet he's still asleep now, trying to sleep off the pain, but he's usually up by now, even if he doesn't go to work (which starts no later than 6:00).

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Have you heard about the new Mountain Dew that's spicy?

Yes I have. It’s online only so I’m guessing it will sell out pretty fast. I’ll try to order it but I suspect I won’t have any luck. It will probably be pretty bad so I’m not going to worry about it if I don’t get it.

Someone on Facebook said “I’m a healthcare worker and we have enough people in the hospital with Covid and broken bones from the milk crate challenge. We don’t need to add flaming gastric diarrhea to that.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Yes I have. It’s online only so I’m guessing it will sell out pretty fast. I’ll try to order it but I suspect I won’t have any luck. It will probably be pretty bad so I’m not going to worry about it if I don’t get it.

Someone on Facebook said “I’m a healthcare worker and we have enough people in the hospital with Covid and broken bones from the milk crate challenge. We don’t need to add flaming gastric diarrhea to that.

What is the milk crate challenge? I've got one sitting across the room from me, empty and upside down!

That Mountain Dew sounds gross. I want my chicken wings spicey hot, not the drink I'm washing them down with.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

What is the milk crate challenge? I've got one sitting across the room from me, empty and upside down!

That Mountain Dew sounds gross. I want my chicken wings spicey hot, not the drink I'm washing them down with.

I had no idea so I googled it and this is what it is

The milk crate challenge is a phenomenon where people stack milk crates as high as they can and try to climb them without falling down.

It’s some viral thing on Tik Tok I guess.

[Mountaindewed]

What would cause lack of appetite but weight gain at the same time?

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yes, my memory of IP beds is not fond.

I'm glad you're home, rv

In 2007 I was at the pediatric psych unit of a very good hospital. The beds were legit hospital beds. They were so comfortable. Every other hospital their bed sucked. One hospital I was at had these like rubber foam mattresses on a wooden board. That one hospital I went to was really nice you could have your iPod and some kids got to wear their shoes. You could have outside food brought in. My mom brought me McDonald’s one time.

[Soupe du jour]

@raging vortex, I'm sorry to read that you needed hospitalization. I had noticed that you were absent for a while. I'm glad to see you back.

Soupe du jour

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I got a filling done. They gave me a lot of injections. My mouth has been aching, so maybe from that. I might have to have a crown ($1350 yikes). Didn't do the crown today because it was so much money. Also because I wasn't 100% sure the discomfort I was having wasn't all in my head, and I'm not sure they saw anything to confirm I had a small crack. I have another tooth that needs filled too. $$ I don't have dental insurance.

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

It’s really a sin how expensive dental care is. I do have insurance but they only cover up $1000 a year. I need a bridge $3000) and possibly a root canal ($2000). I need the bridge ASAP because my lower front teeth are in danger of falling out and that would be extremely embarrassing! But I also have to get my son orthodontic work. His teeth grew in however way they felt like apparently. He has the misfortune of having his father’s big teeth in my small mouth!

@whatever2013
I’m so glad you had an enjoyable time! That was very brave of you, I’m not sure I could steel myself to go.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

It’s really a sin how expensive dental care is. I do have insurance but they only cover up $1000 a year. I need a bridge $3000) and possibly a root canal ($2000). I need the bridge ASAP because my lower front teeth are in danger of falling out and that would be extremely embarrassing! But I also have to get my son orthodontic work. His teeth grew in however way they felt like apparently. He has the misfortune of having his father’s big teeth in my small mouth!

I'm sorry you have such a terrible bill for this. Dental insurance in the US is a joke. Several years back my husband contributed money towards dental, and like yours the annual amount max they would cover was somewhere just over $1,000. We ended up dropping it and were without for at least a few years. Hubby needed an implant for a molar, and the oral surgeon was asking for over $6,000. Hubby didn't get it there. Instead, just lived without half of that tooth. A year prior I had root canals in both of my top front teeth (something I couldn't avoid). That totaled about $3,500 and reflected "a good deal" since I was getting two done and not just one.

Now in Czech Republic, both dental and vision are included in the public health insurance my husband and I have. Americans would cry if they knew how little we must pay for such procedures here. Unfortunately, misleading propaganda still makes many Americans demonize universal healthcare. And the other many attractive public benefits that many European country citizens receive. Like...in Czech Republic...very long fully paid maternity leaves, free university educations, six weeks paid vacation for all employees from the very start (versus after at least 20 years at the same company in the US, that is IF vacation pay is even offered), and more.

I didn't write the above to brag about what I now have. Rather that I'm sad. Very sad! That Americans don't have it. Perhaps if Americans did, I would still be in the US. My native country. I also can't help but wonder if I (and many others) with mental health issues could have avoided some or all psych hospitalizations if I had had the extra time off. Certainly I might still have the tens of thousands of dollars I paid out in psych hospital and IOP co-insurances and co-pays (and deductibles), as well as initially giant medication co-pays. When I was first diagnosed and hospitalized, many of the medications were not available in generic forms, and brand names were (and still are) far more expensive in the US than pretty much anywhere else in the world.

[Brentus]

OK—huge sigh of relief. I expected and anticipated issues with both therapy and my pdoc appointment. Oddly, I left both feeling 100% better than when I went in. With my therapist, she expressed to me that I don’t need to worry about these sessions, especially early on, being super structured or defined goals and monitoring progress. She said she’s happy to adopt that for me, but her style doesn’t rely so heavily on that. She wants to build a rapport. It’s kind of a misunderstanding on my part of her actions – she’s been pretty upfront about using DBT workbook and X Y and Z, but it’s so I can begin to see change and help as soon as I can, not pushing me. She’s not gonna be disappointed if I come into a session, stressed out over family drama (like recently) and not having a clear defined motive or progress to show. If talking helps, talk. If you can’t find the words- that’s ok, let’s explore it. Done deal. So, as far as going into therapy or trying to cancel it out of fear, is not something I need to worry about. She’s there to help, and that’s the only goal. She’s just wanting to make sure I have resources when I need them.

The new psychiatrist is kind of a god send in reassuring me about medicine. I told her my apprehension and my laundry list of meds that I have tried. It was really a unique experience for me to have a conversation with a psychiatrist. My (oldest) psychiatrist literally after the initial intake was a 2-3min session tops. “How are you? Suicidal? Panic attacks? Ok. [insert modest change if I wasn’t feeling great], Give this to the receptionist.” – the next one, while a little more thorough was a hard pill swallow. His attitude was a bit weird and judgmental.
The woman I am seeing now literally took time to walk me through why she thinks my other meds didn’t work, or why I had partial benefit from X Y Z, and walked me through her own thought process, including family history, why it’s taken so long to maybe go this route etc. She even explained why she thinks some of my combinations were exacerbating some issues based on my struggles with them. She even noticed patterns of specific meds (on a lighter end of the spectrum, for specific functions) have given me partial benefit. She really seemed to know what she was talking about and had a gameplan. Her philosophy, while others may take issue with it, I am honestly very relieved about. She’s gonna come at this aggressively. I’ve suffered long enough, and it still is a game of finding the right meds, but we are gonna work something a bit different than previous.

The gameplan is to basically do a combination of Latuda/Trileptal, but we are gonna stagger it, so that I can A) define which is probably giving any side effects that may be untolerable and B) to only add the second med if necessary. She said Latuda is really good for Bipolar type depression, and the best part is I should see benefit within 5-7 days, not having to wait out months to see improvement like with typical antidepressants. I can add the Trileptal if after that time frame I feel it may help. I have a follow-up in two weeks to see how it is going, and of course can reach out if side effects or issues arise. She told me it’s awful to suffer through mental health and you deserve to feel better. It shows real concern for me, and her want to help me find what I need. She did warn me these are “heavier duty” than other meds I’ve taken in the class, so expect benefit, hopefully, but also be considerate of the side effects being a bit more pronounced.
I just feel relieved someone is saying “We are not gonna do more of the same expecting different.” We are gonna approach this another way and hopefully see some hope.

**Off on a side note, she seems to really want to push brand-name this round. My insurance seems to cover it, so it’s not an issue. I just found that interesting. She also mentioned we can also look into other issues/reasons why these meds may not work. Perhaps its about metabolizing the meds. [Point being, she’s looking all around this problem to figure it out. It was refreshing]

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow

OK—huge sigh of relief. I expected and anticipated issues with both therapy and my pdoc appointment. Oddly, I left both feeling 100% better than when I went in....

That IS wonderful! Finding a capable pdoc is rare. I'm struggling with that very issue now. My excellent pdoc left the clinic and I'm stuck with a loser.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm sorry you have such a terrible bill for this. Dental insurance in the US is a joke. Several years back my husband contributed money towards dental, and like yours the annual amount max they would cover was somewhere just over $1,000. We ended up dropping it and were without for at least a few years. Hubby needed an implant for a molar, and the oral surgeon was asking for over $6,000. Hubby didn't get it there. Instead, just lived without half of that tooth. A year prior I had root canals in both of my top front teeth (something I couldn't avoid). That totaled about $3,500 and reflected "a good deal" since I was getting two done and not just one.

Now in Czech Republic, both dental and vision are included in the public health insurance my husband and I have. Americans would cry if they knew how little we must pay for such procedures here. Unfortunately, misleading propaganda still makes many Americans demonize universal healthcare. And the other many attractive public benefits that many European country citizens receive. Like...in Czech Republic...very long fully paid maternity leaves, free university educations, six weeks paid vacation for all employees from the very start (versus after at least 20 years at the same company in the US, that is IF vacation pay is even offered), and more.

I didn't write the above to brag about what I now have. Rather that I'm sad. Very sad! That Americans don't have it. Perhaps if Americans did, I would still be in the US. My native country. I also can't help but wonder if I (and many others) with mental health issues could have avoided some or all psych hospitalizations if I had had the extra time off. Certainly I might still have the tens of thousands of dollars I paid out in psych hospital and IOP co-insurances and co-pays (and deductibles), as well as initially giant medication co-pays. When I was first diagnosed and hospitalized, many of the medications were not available in generic forms, and brand names were (and still are) far more expensive in the US than pretty much anywhere else in the world.

Agreed. What is with Americans who don't understand we're being ripped off?

[Sunflower123]

I spent a few hours alone at the pool and floated on my back for a change and just watched the clouds pass by. Peaceful.

Our handicap ramp out back is not built to code. It’s steep. I got a lightweight transport chair to take my brother to the doctor. He’s 6’1. I’m 5’4. By the time I got home my feet were throbbing and swollen (still are) and my back is screaming at me. I have ice packs and a heating pad out. Geez…I’ll eventually build up the strength for transporting him but today was rough with a capital R. It’s good to be home finally. I’m looking forward to floating tomorrow and having a meeting with my sister about where to go from here.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing well today. I got back to my reading. I finished one book that I had just over a 100 pages left. Then I started a new book and I got about a 100 pages into that. I put more books on hold at the library. I also listened to a podcast this morning. I completely ignored the news. I didn’t even watch the first 10 minutes of The Today Show like I usually do. I also didn’t look at social media at all. I didn’t eat much but I didn’t go hungry either. I drank enough water but I didn’t go overboard like I had been doing these last 2 days.

I’m in the process of finally finding a dentist. I tried calling an office today but they are only opened Mon-Thur. My insurance covers up to $2500 a year and it includes everything from cleanings to extractions. I’m hoping I didn’t do too much damage over the past 1.5 years. But the insurance is a good thing to have and I also have a care card. I’d like to get the dental stuff done before my surgery.

[Scooter9]

I'm doing much better today. The pain is almost completely gone and I can move comfortably.

I had pizza last night and found out that it's obviously too early for that. It went right through me. I was concerned that it was too much too soon and I guess I was right.

I managed to repair our broken kitchen faucet today. I was able to get under the sink and fix it with very little discomfort. It has been broken since the day I went to the hospital and it's nice that it's working again.

My anxiety is back after taking several days off. It was a nice break but I'm back to ruminating and worrying. I guess old thoughts are hard to tame.

A friend is visiting tomorrow. I haven't seen him in months and he wanted to visit me in the hospital but he lives 1.5 hours away, so I invited him over for lunch now that I'm home.

[*Beth*]

It's wonderful to read all your updates and thoughts.

It's hot and smoky here. Red sun, orange moon.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm extremely agitated today and also having some sui thoughts, so I just took my PRN, it's been at least 2-3 weeks since I've taken one so that should be okay. I try to only take it when my agitation/or anxiety/panic is extremely bad to the point where my other coping skills aren't helping. I'm laying under my weighted blanket now in the dark with some vanilla apricot scented wax melting in my Scentsy. I'm hoping this helps. I want to cry

[Nammu]

My daughter just talked me into having a wine 🎊 party. I teased her that I might buy 6 bottles from a wine com that sent me a good introductory price. She knows I know nothing about wine. She thought it a great idea and is coming tomorrow to help me plan. It’s just a small party with 6-7 people all family. Now I’m getting excited about it too. Let’s see…havarti and something sharper with crackers and bagel chips. Olives. A fruit platter. Hmm maybe cards to rate the wines. What else do I need?

[buddha1too]

You lush, Nammu!

Still feeling very hopeless and weepy...over nothing. Embarrassing. Isolating big time.

[Soupe du jour]

Yesterday, the shoulder and arm pain I had had a while back returned. For some reason, pain in various parts of the right-side of my body seems to come and go. Even the tingling and numbness I had had seemed to be gone. Then for a while I'd wake up and the bottom of my feet hurt. Then just my left heel. But usually the pain would always pass (or at least ease) soon after getting up out of bed. I went to a neurologist a while back and even talked about it to my new GP. I think I'll need the neurologist again. My guess is between one or both of two falls I had almost a year ago, and all of the strain and stress of the moving project, I injured myself more than I realized. I had x-rays after both falls, but nothing major was found. Or am I just getting old?

Despite the above, I think my mood is ever so slightly lifting. Not sure if it is the extra Lamictal I was prescribed, or other factors.

[MuddyBoots]

This mental health care system can go get ****ed. I can't get more intensive (outpatient) treatment because I live with my mom who can afford food but not a boat.

@Jennifer 1967 and Soupe du Jour:

So sorry you are experiencing physical pain! That's tough on top of emotional struggles. Jennifer, i hope floating eases the pain and that practice with the chair makes things easier and Soupe, glad to hear your mood is rising slightly.

@Sapien:

I feel you. I also fall thru the cracks as far health care goes here in Canada. Too rich to qualify for free therapy and too poor to afford to pay for it. It sucks! It somewhat doesn't pay to be middle-class.

@Nammu:

Your wine-and-cheese sounds lovely! I love Havarti cheese, must get some, now that you've got me thinking of it. I drink alcohol-free wines and quite enjoy them.

@Blue_Bird:

I hope you're feeling better by now. Sounds like you are making all the right moves in caring for yourself. I'm sorry to hear that you wanted to cry. I know what it's like to exhaust all your coping skills and STILL feel bad. Things often look brighter in the morning, so hopefully that'll be true for you.

@Scooter9:

I also found i had to eat cautiously after my appendectomy. It was a month before i could dare to drink pop and i am passionate about diet cola. I remember the exact moment when i cautiously tried one at the one-month mark and sipped it so cautiously and it settled fine and i was overjoyed!

[Mountaindewed]

I’m hoping to get to the library today. They open in a couple hours. I want to get the 3 Jodi Picoult books I haven’t read and then a few Stephen King ones. Last night I made a list of Stephen King books I have not read. I have listed 37. I’ve read just about that many. He has published a lot of books. I want to get a few early ones I haven’t read. I’ve read the majority of his early books but there’s a couple from the 90’s I haven’t read. I remember first reading a Stephen King book when I was 12. It was the summer before 7th grade and I read Carrie. Then I read Cujo right after that. I was always intrigued by him even when I was little. My mom loves him too and had a whole bunch of his books. I’d pick one with a listing of his books on the first page and I would sit on my moms lap and say “what is this one one about?” And she’d tell me and I’d be scared but in a fun way.