Aah, the Beautiful Sedation!

The notion that benzos are not effective after a short time of continuous use is not correct for me and my body. After re-instating on 1mg of Clonazepam last night and treating myself to an extra 10mg Valium this afternoon i am blissed out! I even went to the mall and was polite and friendly and slow-moving and methodical. Benzos help me quite a lot, even after 26 years on them. I didn't feel pressured to race thru shopping and didn't get annoyed when there were delays. I look forward to more blissful days like this going forward. The benzo nightmare is O-V-E-R!

You're clearly struggling and it's well beyond the scope of what anyone on this forum can do to help. I'm saying this from a place of compassion -- I don't want to see you suffer this way. Please reach out to your health care provider and see what they can do to help you. They are the only ones who can help you through the taper or withdrawal. I wish you the best.

What do you really think, Jane? Yea or nay?

@BethRags:

What is the question?

I wonder if what you're experiencing now is really sedation, or simply the absence of withdrawal effects. The choice is yours, of course, but I still think it would be worth pushing through, and the withdrawal effects such as irritability should lessen over time. You're still in the middle of tapering off, and your body hasn't had that much time yet to adjust. I understand that this is very hard after you've been taking benzos for 26 years. After so long, it's really no wonder that withdrawal takes a long time and the benzos won't let you go without a fight.

I agree with WindsThatBlow that, while we can maybe offer a bit of support, a benzo addiction this severe requires more help than that. I think it would be a good idea to let your psychiatrist or other primary care provider know that you're struggling. Benzo addiction is one of the hardest addictions to beat.

Treating yourself? Blissed out? These are red flags! It's nice to have a relaxing afternoon, but you sound like you are taking these meds specifically to feel "blissed out", rather than the mere anxiety reducing effects that they are intended to induce.

I'd just like to point out that after my surgery and before I was addicted to painkillers I would "treat myself" to an extra perc to feel like I was in the most snuggly blanket rather than to kill pain.

I also wonder if instead of sedation you were just not having withdrawals. The withdrawals will end if you keep on track. It'll take a while, but you'll get there, and it'll be worth it.

Sorry for the lack of clarity. "Yay or nay" regarding do you really think you're using your benzo properly, or not? When it comes down to it, only you really know.

No doubt about it, my taper has gotten messy. My doctor is not concerned about my two days of indulgence and we've agreed to re-instate at 5mg Valium so i get a break from the intensity of the withdrawal without losing too much of the ground i've gained. He's prepared to be patient and support me at 5mg for several months or until COVID dies down up here. That's still a 75% reduction, so no small feat.

I've had a nice calm day. It's my women's social group tomorrow and i found last time very stimulating, fun, but over-stimulating so if it gets intense again i'll walk away. I have to get my dog's meds tomorrow anyways so i'll go out for group prepared to dash off to the vet if things go sideways.

Thank-you for your concern and your grace in acknowledging that it is my body and my choice.