Just getting some thoughts out…

I think I might have hypomanic episodes, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I have not been diagnosed with BPD, however, from my psychiatric history it might have been overlooked.

1) I was diagnosed with depression and OCD as a kid. In a report from an interview when I was 14, there are notes that said I was reporting an elevated and productive mood, despite being admitted for depression by my mother. I apparently told the interviewer that “this day I’m feeling in a high mood” and that I cycled between highs and lows regularly. I didn’t know what bipolar was when I said this.
2) I was put on paxil and wellebutrin, and about 6 months later I became psychotic and so antidepressants were discontinued.

At that point, my mother no longer took me to psychiatrists, and so there was no further evaluation. I recovered from depression on my own and grew up to be stable and well adjusted (ish).

Despite how far I’ve come, I do struggle with mood symptoms that seem to come out of nowhere. For instance, suddenly not needing much food or sleep for several days, hyperfocusing, and feeling really energetic and sociable. I’ll overestimate what I can do or drive my body to its limit.

I’m in this state right now. I’ve had no coffee and yet I’m totally wired and unable to sleep. I have work soon. Earlier this morning I was fantasizing about how I could write this fantastic novel and was obsessing over it, and now I realize the idea is total garbage. I’m trying very hard to appear “normal” to others and not give in to impulses while inside I feel like I’m losing control over my behavior. I said some things I regret today.

It’s been a good 3 months since the last time this happened, and I thought maybe it was just dietary problems or my menstrual cycle. I thought I “fixed” it.

I tried to talk to a primary care about this, but they didn’t seem to understand my question about whether or not this was normal. I’m embarassed and not sure how to ask, even who to ask. Hence coming here in the middle of the night, bothering the nice folks here. So then maybe I can go to sleep having “done something about it”, haha.

Even if it is hypomania, what would I even do about that?

First off, welcome!!!

Sorry to hear you've been struggling with some hypomanic-like symptoms. While I can't diagnose you as I am not a doctor and you are not my patient, I will say it does sound like what my hypomanias are like. I don't know where you're from, but here we have community mental health centers where you can just walk in the door and ask for an evaluation and explain what's going on and they diagnose you and come up with a treatment plan (not ideal as I don't believe in diagnosing on the first date but anyways...). It's best to get in touch with a psychiatrist, maybe get a referral from your regular doc. The treatment usually involves mood stabilizers.

Welcome, bide! I'll just second Sapien's suggestion to get referred to a psychiatrist. Only they can diagnose you.

It requires an expert to decide if you have a mental illness or not. Certainly your having been psychotic is something a psychiatrist should know. As is your past psychiatric medications and its history. Did that old doctor actually say you were "psychotic"? You'd want to describe that actual experience to a doctor.

As a side note, if you suspect bipolar disorder, avoid referring to it as "BPD". I'd call it "bipolar disorder". Why I say that is because "BPD" is the abbreviation for "Borderline Personality Disorder" a whole other mental health disorder. I understand the confusion, though. If others have used that abbreviation for bipolar disorder, they were wrong to do so. A better choice is "BP". The medical community may also use "BAD" for "Bipolar Affective Disorder" but that abbreviation sorta looks "bad", so many with the disorder avoid it.

Thank you, Sapien! We don't have walk in clinics like that here (small town, USA) except for substance abuse associated with the medical clinic. I have reservations about being seen by anyone because being under the care of psychiatrists was a traumatizing experience. Like you said, though, I won't know unless I see someone. If the mood changes become disruptive enough, I will need to overcome that fear.

Wow, that was a massive mistake on my part. I do know that but wasn't thinking clearly when I wrote it. Thank you so much for pointing it out. I apologize and hope that doesn't upset anyone...

Seeing a psychiatrist is essential. In my decades of experience with mental health challenges, no primary care doctor can take the place of a psychiatrist. Pdocs have a much more extensive education than GP's do, and of course the experience of working with mental illness.

No biggie about the abbreviation, bide. It wouldn't upset anyone here. I just thought you'd rather not use it in front of a doctor else it cause confusion.

A psychiatrist is pretty crucial for a mental health diagnosis, especially for one more significant than passing situational or mild stuff. Also, many GPs prefer not to handle anything beyond the mentioned. I agree with what BethRags wrote about GPs.

I have a degree in googling so if you need help with resources and are comfortable pm'ing me your state I can help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bide Thank you, Sapien! We don't have walk in clinics like that here (small town, USA) except for substance abuse associated with the medical clinic. I have reservations about being seen by anyone because being under the care of psychiatrists was a traumatizing experience. Like you said, though, I won't know unless I see someone. If the mood changes become disruptive enough, I will need to overcome that fear. Wow, that was a massive mistake on my part. I do know that but wasn't thinking clearly when I wrote it. Thank you so much for pointing it out. I apologize and hope that doesn't upset anyone...

I hope you manage to get referred to a psychiatrist when the time is right for you, bide.
As others have said it’s really important as they are the ones who have experience with mental health disorders.
And also, welcome!