[Burning Sage]

The word of recovery came up in a support group meeting a few years back. I had to sit with that for awhile. I had recently been in a 2 1/2 year mental health crisis with living in my car and couch surfing and I finally decided I had enough. I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to reach out for support to get out of this hell so to speak I was in. My pride got in the way for that long. It has been a long journey to get where I am today (7yrs) however I continue to heal and problem solve my way through my minds chaos. That word RECOVERY. I always believed that word was for other things in life however I realized for myself I will be always in recovery with my mental health. There is so many facets that I have to consider and manage that at times its so overwhelming. I take several steps forward then a one or to back during times of discord within. Sometimes I feel so frustrated that I have to be in "Recovery" for the rest of my life.

it really does suck.

I am sorry you are going threw these feelings.

at least we can go threw them together as a comunity

[tentoedsloth]

I still hope for a cure some day.

I lost the hope of ever being able to just walk away from it though. Or just have a good mood that lasts the rest of my life, although some of them are pretty long, and I suppose anything is possible. It's kind of a fine line between giving up and hoping enough that you set yourself up for a big disappointment.

It sounds like you've been through an awful lot that you never asked for or deserved. I hope that your recovery gets better and better. At least here and in other support groups you won't be rejected because you're not happy, happy, happy all the time.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Burning Sage

I feel so frustrated that I have to be in "Recovery" for the rest of my life.

What a statement of truth! You have hit upon something big I think. We are always in recovery even when times are good and we seem to be in remission.

[Victoria'smom]

I no longer think long term. Thinking long term is overwhelming for me. I set small goals 3 years max and even that's vague generally financial goals. I know it's probably not the healthiest way to view it but it keeps me going.

[Soupe du jour]

Burning Sage, your reflections, to me, are ones from a recovering person. Dang, you HAVE made a lot of progress! Honestly, I'd say that the majority of humans on earth wouldn't show the strength and initiative that you have.

Though bipolar disorder "recovery" is still a work in progress, progress can be measured in many ways. I'm at a stage where I've been mostly stable for a good year and a half under pretty stressful conditions. Ones that would have, in the past, destabilized me. Yes, I must "keep working it" to maintain my current situation and protect myself for the future, but at the same time, I have reached many goals. It's not that I'm "never quite there", even with this serious mental health issue.

I've written a lot about recovery in the past in my blog. One post in particular, if interested.

Surviving and Healing from Bipolar Episodes | My Journeys Beyond Bipolar Disorder

[Burning Sage]

@Miguls’mom - we all have are own process. I am glad that you know what you need and adjusted to It. I do agree with you on setting goals for one’s self as it can bring positive results and uplifting.

[Burning Sage]

@Soupe du jour - thank you for your insight and the link to your blog about recovery. I am definitely interested and look forward to checking it out further -

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I no longer think long term. Thinking long term is overwhelming for me. I set small goals 3 years max and even that's vague generally financial goals. I know it's probably not the healthiest way to view it but it keeps me going.

That sounds practical and wise, to me.

[Matty5000]

I can't imagine the strength you possess to have dealt with what you have. I've had it much easier and feel at times like I can't do it. I was just talking to my wife earlier today about how I look forward to being stable again, as I haven't been for much of the past year. I got to thinking about how I will always have to deal with this in some way for the rest of my life, and realized how discouraging that feels to think about. I wish I had something more to offer, but all I can really say is you're not alone. Your perspective of working on recovery continually may serve you well if you can hold on to the belief that you will be well, and remember and accept that setbacks are an inherent part of it.