[Miss Laura]

So I came off my meds again after 1 year and 21 days on them. I say I'm off my meds but I'm still taking my depot injection for Aririprazole. So I get my monthly injection still. I'm just off the Depakote. Its been 3 full months now of no Depakote. I've been feeling great qith some side effects.

Now I'm struggling to get up, feeling miserable, feeling emotional and pretty angry. I'm still really paranoid too. But maintaining I'm good on the front.

I'm not wa ting to go back on the Depakote as my head is telling me it's poison and been tampered with.

My Psychiatrist, CPN and Support Worker have all said I'll end up in hospital with a compulsory treatment order slapped on me meaning people will decide for me re meds and my care.

I'm now suffering from migraines just got my eyes tested so they are fine. He says its migraines. So I'm in a lot of physical and mental pain.

Any words of hope? I really thought I was doing good but I'm lying to myself as I'm screwed big style

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how do you maintain you're doing okay?. I could never do that.. I mean if I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling bad. (the whole wearing a mask, faking it) it's lost on me so I want to know how you do it- and perhaps it will give me tips for when I need to be.. well, less depressed than I am.

I am sorry you are suffering. we're here for you

[MuddyBoots]

Sorry to hear you're struggling, but it sounds like stopping your meds wasn't the smartest idea. I don't think your meds have been tampered with or poisoned. I've had those thoughts in the past too, when unwell. Turns out I just needed different meds. Do you have a plan moving forward to deal with this?

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

how do you maintain you're doing okay?. I could never do that.. I mean if I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling bad. (the whole wearing a mask, faking it) it's lost on me so I want to know how you do it- and perhaps it will give me tips for when I need to be.. well, less depressed than I am.


I am sorry you are suffering. we're here for you

Just always masked it tbh! Only when I'm suicidal does it show or severely manic does it show. Have always had to hide symptoms for my job etc

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[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Sorry to hear you're struggling, but it sounds like stopping your meds wasn't the smartest idea. I don't think your meds have been tampered with or poisoned. I've had those thoughts in the past too, when unwell. Turns out I just needed different meds. Do you have a plan moving forward to deal with this?

I've contacted my support worker as I'm seeing her on Thurs but want to move it forward to Wed if I can have emailed her explaining I'm not doing too great.

I was meeting a friend for lunch burst into tears in the bar. What an idiot. Feeling rubbish currently

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[tentoedsloth]

I'm just recovering from doing the same thing--going off medication. The same thing happens to me--I feel great for 3 months and then wham, back to serious depression, or anxiety, or both.

I've accepted that I'm going to have to take medicine in order to have a good life. I don't like sending unnatural chemicals all through my body, but I think that's healthier than all the suffering I have when I don't take it., so okay.

That would be harder for you, wouldn't it? If I understand correctly, you are forced by mental processes not totally in your control to think about your medicine being tampered with, and it's not that you've seen somebody actually doing it. Is it possible for you to think about it as probably healthier to go ahead and take what seems like a risk with the medicine, rather than staying the way you are now?

[downandlonely]

I have no desire to be off meds. I'm miserable when they don't work right, so sometimes they need to be switched. But without them, I'd be a real mess.

[Miss Laura]

I think last week was a blip.... Fri late night until currently I feel good. I'm hoping it was just a blip. Now I'm mortified I reached out to people when it only lasted 5 days. My head is worried what people will rhino of me for wasting their time. Feel like an idiot.

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[MuddyBoots]

Never feel bad for reaching out. You had no clue how long your blip may have lasted, maybe it's even possible reaching out prevented it from getting worse (that's the whole point in reaching out though, right?). I would still watch your mood closely for a bit just in case.

[tentoedsloth]

No problem, Miss Laura--and also what Sapien said.

[Burning Sage]

DITTO with Ten and Sapien - Takes courage and strength !