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Default Jun 23, 2022 at 09:40 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by buddha1too View Post
I haven't posted or followed much in quite some time. I think many will not recognize my handle. I read than some folks are in recovery periods, some hitting low spots, and those in stasis...or whatever you call it. I've been down & very up since I was here last. Must have been February I went through a vicious depressive spell. May was my no sleep, spend on the internet & stay awake for days month. Lessons were learned...for now.

I don't hang around as much because my partner of 19-years retired cat the end of last June & I've found it harder to justify long periods in front of the computer screen. That, & I want to stay out of the doghouse. I think of all my friends here on a regular basis, but unless I follow religiously, it's easy to lose context. I guess you could call me a "peeker."

Wherever you are, & whatever space you're occupying, take care!

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Hey! Mike, great to see ya! Thanks for the update.

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Default Jun 23, 2022 at 10:33 PM
  #22
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I accidently posted this on the old one.

The hida scan came back normal. No clue where the pain is coming from and why its happening. The doctor is prescrbing something I take 4 times a day and says to avoid fattening foods. My mom is super pissed he doesn't seem to be taking this seriously. But GI doctors are notorious for not taking people seriously. The last GI doctor I saw once and never went back because he was an asshole with bad bedside manners. Anyways I'd rather take a pill to get rid of this then go under antheseia or have surgery. Maybe I'm so currently calm about the situation because I took an Advil a couple hours ago and only had vegetables to eat in 20 hours. He didn't tell me to lose weight though. Or that it would help.

I heard on this podcast that you don't mess with a big persons food and you don't mess with a small persons food and she was talking about how some of her soy something or another was missing. I think this person is just a secret fat phobic but she is kinda right when she says you don't mess with that stuff. I got super pissed this morning when I thought my vegetables from yesterday were missing....

I'm pretty sure I have ADD. I just don't know where to begin to get a diganois and possibly meds. I can't concentrate on anything. I turn on the TV and see an episode is 45 minutes and I know I can't deal with it. I haven't watched AGT this year because I can't stand concentrating on a show for 2 hours. Same with reading. I really like the book I'm reading. I just can't focus for me then 15 pages. Theres so much I want to do and watch but its just I can't focus.
Lots of things can cause you not focus as well. Especially anxiety which you seem to have a lot of. If you had add they’d probably have noticed it before now as it is something pretty complicated and it’s more than just inability to focus.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 12:20 AM
  #23
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I have something I wanna say but I'm too paranoid to say it.

When/if you feel ready we're here for you

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 12:27 AM
  #24
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Originally Posted by buddha1too View Post
I haven't posted or followed much in quite some time. I think many will not recognize my handle. I read than some folks are in recovery periods, some hitting low spots, and those in stasis...or whatever you call it. I've been down & very up since I was here last. Must have been February I went through a vicious depressive spell. May was my no sleep, spend on the internet & stay awake for days month. Lessons were learned...for now.

I don't hang around as much because my partner of 19-years retired cat the end of last June & I've found it harder to justify long periods in front of the computer screen. That, & I want to stay out of the doghouse. I think of all my friends here on a regular basis, but unless I follow religiously, it's easy to lose context. I guess you could call me a "peeker."

Wherever you are, & whatever space you're occupying, take care!

Mike

Mike - hi! It's great to hear from you. Those downs/ups sound rough, and I'm sorry you had to ride the seesaw

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 12:44 AM
  #25
I did take a nap and slept hard for an hour. When I awoke I felt balanced enough to skate, although I couldn't seem to find a rhythm because I still feel somewhat freaky. Ha, and they told us not to do drugs when we were young. What a joke. When I was 19 I was at a Stones concert and did acid. Believe me, I did not feel at all screwed up from the acid, but this Caplyta crap has me all messed up.

Anyway, I have a session with Dr. B. tomorrow afternoon. One more session with him next week, then he's gone. I don't really care. I still feel so betrayed by Mary that I can't get back the feeling of trusting a therapist. I want to work on it, but right now I just don't connect.


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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 07:00 AM
  #26
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I did take a nap and slept hard for an hour. When I awoke I felt balanced enough to skate, although I couldn't seem to find a rhythm because I still feel somewhat freaky. Ha, and they told us not to do drugs when we were young. What a joke. When I was 19 I was at a Stones concert and did acid. Believe me, I did not feel at all screwed up from the acid, but this Caplyta crap has me all messed up.

Anyway, I have a session with Dr. B. tomorrow afternoon. One more session with him next week, then he's gone. I don't really care. I still feel so betrayed by Mary that I can't get back the feeling of trusting a therapist. I want to work on it, but right now I just don't connect.

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Thinking of you.
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 07:02 AM
  #27
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Originally Posted by buddha1too View Post
I haven't posted or followed much in quite some time. I think many will not recognize my handle. I read than some folks are in recovery periods, some hitting low spots, and those in stasis...or whatever you call it. I've been down & very up since I was here last. Must have been February I went through a vicious depressive spell. May was my no sleep, spend on the internet & stay awake for days month. Lessons were learned...for now.

I don't hang around as much because my partner of 19-years retired cat the end of last June & I've found it harder to justify long periods in front of the computer screen. That, & I want to stay out of the doghouse. I think of all my friends here on a regular basis, but unless I follow religiously, it's easy to lose context. I guess you could call me a "peeker."

Wherever you are, & whatever space you're occupying, take care!

Mike
Hello! I’ve missed seeing you around! It’s great to hear from you! I’m sorry you’ve been up and down. I hope that improves.
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 08:43 AM
  #28
I was planning on going to the pool but I think I’ll take today to completely rest, sleep and relax. I’m doing nothing but focusing on getting better. Good food, hydration, a good book and good movies are in my immediate future. Lots and lots of sleep.

I sat on the screened in porch this morning surrounded by bird song, sunshine and sipping tangerine tea and thought of how chaotic my life has been for months now. It’s been one thing after another. My theme or guiding word for the rest of the year is peace. Going to work hard on that.

My daughter is traveling on business today. Coming home from Illinois. She’ll be fine but it is on my mind.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 08:50 AM
  #29
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I was planning on going to the pool but I think I’ll take today to completely rest, sleep and relax. I’m doing nothing but focusing on getting better. Good food, hydration, a good book and good movies are in my immediate future. Lots and lots of sleep.

I sat on the screened in porch this morning surrounded by bird song, sunshine and sipping tangerine tea and thought of how chaotic my life has been for months now. It’s been one thing after another. My theme or guiding word for the rest of the year is peace. Going to work hard on that.

My daughter is traveling on business today. Coming home from Illinois. She’ll be fine but it is on my mind.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I totally agree that your plan for your day is a wise one.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 09:31 AM
  #30
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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
Lots of things can cause you not focus as well. Especially anxiety which you seem to have a lot of. If you had add they’d probably have noticed it before now as it is something pretty complicated and it’s more than just inability to focus.
My 33 year old straight A honor roll sister who is now a middle school teacher just got diagnosed with ADD last year. So people for sure slip through the cracks.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 11:28 AM
  #31
@buddha1too, so nice to see you check back here. I also missed you but am glad to read that you are doing relatively fine.

Hubby and I arrived home (at our house) at 12 noon today. We left for the airport in France at 1 am. The flight was delayed and the seat was uncomfortable so I barely got 30 mins of (bad) sleep on the plane after not sleeping at all for almost two days. When I got home, I went to bed and got an additional two hours. I'm still feeling unwell, but not as bad as three/four days ago. I went from mixed to more depressed. Our flight was one we switched to from an original scheduled five days from now. Because of this Hubby and I could not sit together. That was a relief as he's awful to fly with. I observed that the man sitting next to him and the flight attendants became annoyed with him. Better them than me.

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I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia.

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Jun 24, 2022 at 11:41 AM..
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 12:13 PM
  #32
My therapy session sucked. I made a kinda fat phobic comment at the start of the session. This morning Sonic had given me a medium drink at no extra charge when I had ordered a mini drink and I said some things to my therapist about it. She didnt pick up on the comments and I thought she was acting weird because of it and I asked her if she was mad at me and she was confused about why and I said people have called me judgemental before about things and I picked up a lot of things from my dad, and I was just BSing around the issue and she was legit confused about what I was talking about and then I finally repeated the comment and what was said earlier and then she went into some subliminal talk about me being a greenlight, whatever that means, and do I actually want to get better and to just think before saying things and all that. It was just one of my legit first big mess of a sessions.

What is a greenlight though? We were at the end of our session and the internet connection was horrible the entire time.

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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jun 24, 2022 at 03:44 PM..
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 01:10 PM
  #33
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....

Welcome home

Now rest, rest, rest.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 01:25 PM
  #34
Soupe, I’m glad to see that you are home. What a relief 😅 now you can get back to a daily routine. I know you have to look for another place to live but at least you can do that from there.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 02:46 PM
  #35
My sister called. Dad now needs a heart catheterization and then a bipass. I firmly believe that if I hadn't insisted that we send in the police that he would've died- if not that day then soon after.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 02:57 PM
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My sister called. Dad now needs a heart catheterization and then a bipass. I firmly believe that if I hadn't insisted that we send in the police that he would've died- if not that day then soon after.
Small mercies. Hard road, but I'm glad he's getting the help he needs. Still, it has to be frustrating and heartbreaking in equal measure!

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Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 03:00 PM
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When/if you feel ready we're here for you
I used opiates again. But with the klonopin I got shallow breathing and I thought I was going to die so I'm not going to do that again. I was afraid the police would read this and come after me.

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 03:16 PM
  #38
Good news: I got an interview with the insurance company! Just a quick over the phone deal right now, but if I get it in the end, it will be a great gig! Also, it's a good 40 minutes closer than the previous one.

Not really good or bad at this point, but tense: I received paperwork for an appeal tribunal on my unemployment. No date set yet, but they outlined the stakes and the ground rules. Basically me vs the company in a legal back and forth with the state in the middle. Arbitration. There's talk of subpoenas and a whole bunch of legal jargon that I'm going to have to go through. Homework for tonight. Yay. 🤨

Again, on the neither here nor there bit, I'm waiting on a letter from my therapist. After the Enneagram fiasco with the other insurance agent, my therapist decided to give me what he considered to be a more scientific assessment. More out of idle curiosity, I'd like to see the results. What they are. That's what he's mailing to me.

Besides that, dull day actually.

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Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Litany Against Fear (Dune)
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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 03:32 PM
  #39
Oh Beth I’m so sorry your tilting to the left. Its certainly possible that med is not going to work for you. I really hope you find something that works and you can tolerate. I think it’s high time you get a break from that heat. I imagine you out on your skates enjoying it !

Soupe Glad you are back home !

Jennifer .. aww hun I really hope you start to fully recover. Pay attention to your mood(s) while taking steroids. I take them and I either start going up and angry or down and sad day 5 or 6.

Budda Happy to see you !

Muddy… please please be very careful something awful could happen.

Nammu I might have missed it but did you get your car back yet ?

Hugs to anyone I have forgotten by accident

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Default Jun 24, 2022 at 03:39 PM
  #40
My blood work was okay other than my Vitamin D is very low despite already taking a supplement. So my Doctor wants me to go triple dose my self up .. recheck in 2 months.

Steve’s first night back on oxygen has helped. He has more ambition today.

It’s so hot ( said in a massively whiny tone)

Anyone have plans for the weekend ? I’m just looking forward to getting some rain Sunday !

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