Bipolar check-in #67

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Thinking of you.

Hello! I’ve missed seeing you around! It’s great to hear from you! I’m sorry you’ve been up and down. I hope that improves.

I was planning on going to the pool but I think I’ll take today to completely rest, sleep and relax. I’m doing nothing but focusing on getting better. Good food, hydration, a good book and good movies are in my immediate future. Lots and lots of sleep.

I sat on the screened in porch this morning surrounded by bird song, sunshine and sipping tangerine tea and thought of how chaotic my life has been for months now. It’s been one thing after another. My theme or guiding word for the rest of the year is peace. Going to work hard on that.

My daughter is traveling on business today. Coming home from Illinois. She’ll be fine but it is on my mind.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I was planning on going to the pool but I think I’ll take today to completely rest, sleep and relax. I’m doing nothing but focusing on getting better. Good food, hydration, a good book and good movies are in my immediate future. Lots and lots of sleep. I sat on the screened in porch this morning surrounded by bird song, sunshine and sipping tangerine tea and thought of how chaotic my life has been for months now. It’s been one thing after another. My theme or guiding word for the rest of the year is peace. Going to work hard on that. My daughter is traveling on business today. Coming home from Illinois. She’ll be fine but it is on my mind. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I totally agree that your plan for your day is a wise one.

My 33 year old straight A honor roll sister who is now a middle school teacher just got diagnosed with ADD last year. So people for sure slip through the cracks.

@buddha1too, so nice to see you check back here. I also missed you but am glad to read that you are doing relatively fine.

Hubby and I arrived home (at our house) at 12 noon today. We left for the airport in France at 1 am. The flight was delayed and the seat was uncomfortable so I barely got 30 mins of (bad) sleep on the plane after not sleeping at all for almost two days. When I got home, I went to bed and got an additional two hours. I'm still feeling unwell, but not as bad as three/four days ago. I went from mixed to more depressed. Our flight was one we switched to from an original scheduled five days from now. Because of this Hubby and I could not sit together. That was a relief as he's awful to fly with. I observed that the man sitting next to him and the flight attendants became annoyed with him. Better them than me.

My therapy session sucked. I made a kinda fat phobic comment at the start of the session. This morning Sonic had given me a medium drink at no extra charge when I had ordered a mini drink and I said some things to my therapist about it. She didnt pick up on the comments and I thought she was acting weird because of it and I asked her if she was mad at me and she was confused about why and I said people have called me judgemental before about things and I picked up a lot of things from my dad, and I was just BSing around the issue and she was legit confused about what I was talking about and then I finally repeated the comment and what was said earlier and then she went into some subliminal talk about me being a greenlight, whatever that means, and do I actually want to get better and to just think before saying things and all that. It was just one of my legit first big mess of a sessions.

What is a greenlight though? We were at the end of our session and the internet connection was horrible the entire time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour ....

Welcome home

Now rest, rest, rest.

Soupe, I’m glad to see that you are home. What a relief 😅 now you can get back to a daily routine. I know you have to look for another place to live but at least you can do that from there.

My sister called. Dad now needs a heart catheterization and then a bipass. I firmly believe that if I hadn't insisted that we send in the police that he would've died- if not that day then soon after.

Small mercies. Hard road, but I'm glad he's getting the help he needs. Still, it has to be frustrating and heartbreaking in equal measure!

I used opiates again. But with the klonopin I got shallow breathing and I thought I was going to die so I'm not going to do that again. I was afraid the police would read this and come after me.

Good news: I got an interview with the insurance company! Just a quick over the phone deal right now, but if I get it in the end, it will be a great gig! Also, it's a good 40 minutes closer than the previous one.

Not really good or bad at this point, but tense: I received paperwork for an appeal tribunal on my unemployment. No date set yet, but they outlined the stakes and the ground rules. Basically me vs the company in a legal back and forth with the state in the middle. Arbitration. There's talk of subpoenas and a whole bunch of legal jargon that I'm going to have to go through. Homework for tonight. Yay. 🤨

Again, on the neither here nor there bit, I'm waiting on a letter from my therapist. After the Enneagram fiasco with the other insurance agent, my therapist decided to give me what he considered to be a more scientific assessment. More out of idle curiosity, I'd like to see the results. What they are. That's what he's mailing to me.

Besides that, dull day actually.

Oh Beth I’m so sorry your tilting to the left. Its certainly possible that med is not going to work for you. I really hope you find something that works and you can tolerate. I think it’s high time you get a break from that heat. I imagine you out on your skates enjoying it !

Soupe Glad you are back home !

Jennifer .. aww hun I really hope you start to fully recover. Pay attention to your mood(s) while taking steroids. I take them and I either start going up and angry or down and sad day 5 or 6.

Budda Happy to see you !

Muddy… please please be very careful something awful could happen.

Nammu I might have missed it but did you get your car back yet ?

Hugs to anyone I have forgotten by accident

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My blood work was okay other than my Vitamin D is very low despite already taking a supplement. So my Doctor wants me to go triple dose my self up .. recheck in 2 months.

Steve’s first night back on oxygen has helped. He has more ambition today.

It’s so hot ( said in a massively whiny tone)

Anyone have plans for the weekend ? I’m just looking forward to getting some rain Sunday !

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Nope, still waiting on a part. I imagine it’s in Timbuktu and there’s no boats, trucks or trains to transport it. A shame too as there’s several free events going on in the towns around here this weekend. In our fitness classes the instructors are always encouraging people to get out and get involved. So they mention free or low cost events.

I took my first dose of my new pain/stomach med right before eating a hot dog and I seem to be feeling fairly calm physically. So hopefully this is the answer. My mom made her weekly Sams Club trip with my brother this afternoon and got me a box of hummus, a 10 pack of canned tuna, a 4 pound bag of apples, a bag of cotton candy grapes, a bag of candy snap grapes, and a summer kiss melon. The cotton candy grapes were $13 for the bag! I seem to be ok now regarding my therapy session. I just wish I could talk freely though about some things. She says its a safe place but then I seem like I'm coming off as an asshole when I voice my opinion.

I think my gastro doctor doesnt get things. I went to him because of stomach pain that was causing loss of appetite and weight loss. Its also highly likely I have some sort of restricting eating disorder. So he prescribes this med I take 4 times a day. I take the first dose and my appetite I've been controlling all day is suddenly gone. So I read the side effects and one of them is loss of appetite. Currently my pain is ok though and my anxiety is also really down. So I mean yeah the massive pain being gone is great but do I really want to drop a ton of weight when I don't need to lose any. Idk. Maybe I do.

My sister called again. Our dad is being mean to my sister and turning around and trying to call her by her childhood pet name and "make it up to" her. She told him off and he told her and his friend to leave. They can't do the heart catheterization until Monday and depending what it says a possible bipass. My mom thinks he might not be able to go back to his condo because the head of the condo association saw and took videos of the state his place was in. So he's being a big jerk. He made my sister cry and didn't even notice! Or care one bit if he did by some odd chance notice.

I probably don't even have bipolar disorder/sza. I'm just a useless ****ing junkie.

The steroids aren’t helping me so far. I’m trying to keep my chin up but it’s getting hard. I guess next week I’ll make an in office visit with my doctor and go for a chest X-ray. I have so much to do and I’m happier when I’m productive. I’ve rested and slept all day. Feeling down right now…probably because of that. I’m hoping I can get on my feet and get things done tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

My sister brought dinner by - pork chops, mashed potatoes and corn plus some necessities and cough drops. Much appreciated.

The forecast is for 6 days of rain starting tomorrow. Bummer. I’ve floated exactly 2 days in June. That’s not helping my peace of mind at all.

Oh well…things will start looking up. Hugs to all

You have an addiction but that doesn’t make you useless it means your life is harder. Before you can even address the MI diagnosis you need to be clean and that’s a hell of a thing to tackle. I’m very hopeful that the new team you are getting can help with that.

My daughter had a great team that helped her kick meth. It wasn’t until she was off that, that she was able to find a med to help with the mood swings. She tells me that even now 13 yrs later with a good life that there’s times when the drug life calls her. It’s irrational and seductive. I have nothing but compassion for you. But I won’t lie and say it’s easy to be in your shoes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I used opiates again. But with the klonopin I got shallow breathing and I thought I was going to die so I'm not going to do that again. I was afraid the police would read this and come after me.

I don't think the police would put themselves to that much trouble.

Many years ago I took too many K-pins and my breathing became difficult. I was very scared and it hit me like lightning that a lot of sui's really are accidental. You know, 1 pill that pushes the body over the edge or just 1 drink too many.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina My blood work was okay other than my Vitamin D is very low despite already taking a supplement. So my Doctor wants me to go triple dose my self up .. recheck in 2 months. Steve’s first night back on oxygen has helped. He has more ambition today. It’s so hot ( said in a massively whiny tone) Anyone have plans for the weekend ? I’m just looking forward to getting some rain Sunday ! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I also showed up with low D on my blood labs last month. So I'm taking D, too.

No week-end plans except hiding out in the a/c. It is so freakin' hot (said in the same whiny voice).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Nope, still waiting on a part. I imagine it’s in Timbuktu and there’s no boats, trucks or trains to transport it. A shame too as there’s several free events going on in the towns around here this weekend. In our fitness classes the instructors are always encouraging people to get out and get involved. So they mention free or low cost events.

Wow, that's a long wait.