[MuddyBoots]

I don't want to go back to the state hospital though. I have an appointment with my pdoc coming up next week she can tweak my meds then.

EDit: I told her and she is going to tell the rest of the team and she wants me to come up with goals for us to work on and I don't know what the **** she wants me to come up with her ideas were healthy boundaries, meal planning, and self-esteem but I just agreed to get her out of te house.
fI reallywant to cut right now but I can't b4cause I don't want open wounds when my fwb comes over. gotta keep that in mind.

I really don't know what goeals I want to work on with her. I'm so used to people not helping me with my goals and I don't even complete any of my goals anyways so why the uck with she help me. This laptop ois pissing me off.

I FUGured out the most efficient way to get people out of hell. It's a secret.

[*Beth*]

Hey Boots, hi. How can you stay safe until your pdoc appointment?

[MuddyBoots]

contract not to listen to the angels or follow the demons or follow the angels or listen to the demons.

[MuddyBoots]

I think I must be in Hell after I killed myself and now I have to wait for another Muddyboots to come and take me to Heaven if I even deserve it which I probably don't but I've saved some pretty broken souls so hopefully the next savior while be another like me. That's why there's so man demosn. WHAT Ifi I forget?

[*Beth*]

Hey Boots, I'm just sending you a hug and some love. Are you journaling?

[MuddyBoots]

Now that I am “properly medicated”
I realize I’ve been a little wound up.
But I’m not even “properly medicated.”
I just snorted some diazepam,
And now I see what normal feels like.
Although I’m still hallucinating.
Or maybe I’m not.
Maybe my reality is the real one,
And everyone else is lying about
“Psychosis.”

[Victoria'smom]

You are alive... just like I'm real.

[*Beth*]

Are you journaling?

[MuddyBoots]

yeah i went through 28 pages today so far

well shiiit i just went through my wrap and i'm in crisis

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

yeah i went through 28 pages today so far

Thanks great!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

yeah i went through 28 pages today so far

well shiiit i just went through my wrap and i'm in crisis

Does your WRAP have plans for what to do when you’re in crisis?

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Does your WRAP have plans for what to do when you’re in crisis?

Yeah, talk to a bunch of people I'm no longer in contact with, ask my mom to take me for a walk or a drive (which today she picked me up after I walked 5 miles away from home barefoot if that counts. Give my keys wallet and meds up which Im not gonna do because I need to pick up my meds and my mom isnt really good with managing my meds I learned last crisis, call the crisis line which I did several times today she actually just gave me her desk number which was nice so i diddnt have to wait to wait to for her to call back. It list which hospital I want to go to should it come to that which ai want to avoid obviously.

I suppose I'll just tke a half dose of haldol. I've been skipping it because it numbs me out too much and makes me want to hurt myself

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

had to use butterfly stitches today. There are snakes in my arms.

Called on-call ACT crisis line three times last night. Was told I'd be checked in with later today by someone from the team.

[*Beth*]

~~~~~~~~

[Victoria'smom]

[*Beth*]

Where is that Boots?