Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Aug 08, 2021, 08:27 PM
clydeblack's Avatar
clydeblack clydeblack is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: France
Posts: 227
TW everything.

I lost 6 kg in a few months. I'm a 1m67 and weigh 50. I want to weigh at least 48. It's difficult because I am already skinny and don't want to ruin my metabolism. Any ideas?

I used to SH, it's a replacement. Otherwise I am unconvinced that I am sick if I don't look sick. I SH for ten years and have not in almost two. I fight the compulsion to do something else every day and this has been the alternative. I know the long term effects. I think some people were born suffering. If I cannot see my suffering then I feel I am inventing it. I also need to punish myself for being imperfect. I wish I was the version of me I want to be. I work towards it all the time but I am tired and cannot work anymore. I can't fit into many of my clothes anymore. That is not good enough of a job on the scale however.

I have been in treatment for ten years. I feel beyond help. I have a deep sense that I was accidental. I think about life too much and why I am here. I have a passion and people I love so I am staying here for the time being but I need to slowly destroy myself so that I know my suffering is not fake. That way I can continue living but I have to punish myself for when I do not work hard enough or reach my goals.

Thanks everyone
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Fuzzybear, MuddyBoots, Ursula Shackleton, ~Christina

advertisement
  #2  
Old Aug 09, 2021, 05:22 AM
Anonymous41462
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I'm really sorry you feel this way. I had anorexia as a teen and had some of the same feelings, about perfection and punishing myself. I's still all screwed up about food but it's in the other direction now.

I'm sorry you are suffering this.

Is there any chance you can get into some therapy for yourself? I'm not all that fond of therapists but have a referral in play to see one out of desperation but it will take three to six more months (Canada). Then i have to get assessed and interview the person and make sure they are not going to make things worse, as has has happened in the past.

It might be good to get the ball rolling NOW as it takes a while to get in to see someone.

I hope your suffering ends as soon as possible. Eating Disorders are tenacious buggers tho. I've been struggling with food for forty years now.

I hope we can both find some decent help.
Hugs from:
bizi, clydeblack, Ursula Shackleton
Thanks for this!
clydeblack
  #3  
Old Aug 10, 2021, 06:17 PM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
Quote:
Originally Posted by clydeblack View Post
TW everything.

I lost 6 kg in a few months. I'm a 1m67 and weigh 50. I want to weigh at least 48. It's difficult because I am already skinny and don't want to ruin my metabolism. Any ideas?

I used to SH, it's a replacement. Otherwise I am unconvinced that I am sick if I don't look sick. I SH for ten years and have not in almost two. I fight the compulsion to do something else every day and this has been the alternative. I know the long term effects. I think some people were born suffering. If I cannot see my suffering then I feel I am inventing it. I also need to punish myself for being imperfect. I wish I was the version of me I want to be. I work towards it all the time but I am tired and cannot work anymore. I can't fit into many of my clothes anymore. That is not good enough of a job on the scale however.

I have been in treatment for ten years. I feel beyond help. I have a deep sense that I was accidental. I think about life too much and why I am here. I have a passion and people I love so I am staying here for the time being but I need to slowly destroy myself so that I know my suffering is not fake. That way I can continue living but I have to punish myself for when I do not work hard enough or reach my goals.

Thanks everyone

Are you receiving inpatient treatment currently?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
Hugs from:
Anonymous41462, bizi
  #4  
Old Aug 23, 2021, 02:19 PM
clydeblack's Avatar
clydeblack clydeblack is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: France
Posts: 227
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
I'm really sorry you feel this way. I had anorexia as a teen and had some of the same feelings, about perfection and punishing myself. I's still all screwed up about food but it's in the other direction now.

I'm sorry you are suffering this.

Is there any chance you can get into some therapy for yourself? I'm not all that fond of therapists but have a referral in play to see one out of desperation but it will take three to six more months (Canada). Then i have to get assessed and interview the person and make sure they are not going to make things worse, as has has happened in the past.

It might be good to get the ball rolling NOW as it takes a while to get in to see someone.

I hope your suffering ends as soon as possible. Eating Disorders are tenacious buggers tho. I've been struggling with food for forty years now.

I hope we can both find some decent help.
Sorry it took so long to answer, I have been very tired recently. Yes I have been in therapy for ten years I believe, but recently started adding trauma therapy which has helped. Still struggling but did manage to eat some things although I am feeling weak most of the time. Thank you for responding and hope you can finally find effective treatment as well. I think it is self-destructiveness that is hard to get over in general so we gravitate towards these things naturally.
Hugs from:
Anonymous41462, bizi
  #5  
Old Sep 02, 2021, 01:28 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
Hey @clydeblack
Have you been diagnosed with an eating disorder or received treatment for one?

Quote:
Originally Posted by clydeblack View Post
TW everything.

I lost 6 kg in a few months. I'm a 1m67 and weigh 50. I want to weigh at least 48. It's difficult because I am already skinny and don't want to ruin my metabolism. Any ideas?

I used to SH, it's a replacement. Otherwise I am unconvinced that I am sick if I don't look sick. I SH for ten years and have not in almost two. I fight the compulsion to do something else every day and this has been the alternative. I know the long term effects. I think some people were born suffering. If I cannot see my suffering then I feel I am inventing it. I also need to punish myself for being imperfect. I wish I was the version of me I want to be. I work towards it all the time but I am tired and cannot work anymore. I can't fit into many of my clothes anymore. That is not good enough of a job on the scale however.

I have been in treatment for ten years. I feel beyond help. I have a deep sense that I was accidental. I think about life too much and why I am here. I have a passion and people I love so I am staying here for the time being but I need to slowly destroy myself so that I know my suffering is not fake. That way I can continue living but I have to punish myself for when I do not work hard enough or reach my goals.

Thanks everyone
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
Hugs from:
Anonymous41462
  #6  
Old Jul 31, 2022, 02:32 PM
clydeblack's Avatar
clydeblack clydeblack is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: France
Posts: 227
Hello everyone, update! I was diagnosed with anorexia last year. I am getting better although my ptsd has gotten worse. At least I am eating. Thank you for the responses!
Hugs from:
*Beth*, bizi, Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87, MuddyBoots
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, bizi
  #7  
Old Aug 01, 2022, 11:22 AM
MuddyBoots's Avatar
MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
Where am I?
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: Live Free or Die!
Posts: 7,105
Hi clydeback, glad your anorexia is better and you're eating. I noticed when I stopped my restricting/binging/purging cycle my ptsd got worse too. I think it's because I was using the disordered eating to distract myself from what was really going on in my head. Just a thought.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
*Beth*, bizi, Fuzzybear
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, bizi
Reply
Views: 659

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:33 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.