Questions bipolar version #10

I believe harm reduction is worthy, while it's popular to think only abstinence matters. I even saw a t-shirt that said, "Harm reduction saves lives."

Are you a homebody or do you feel pressure to go out? Why?

(just butting in to say I'm with you on that belief Jane)

I also think harm reduction is wonderful and pragmatic.

Regarding harm reduction, I think education is still a top priority for law enforcement and first responders as well as users. There are multiple videos of police officers "ODing" on fentanyl courtesy of a touch, an errant breeze and in one case, just being in the vicinity. I've had the unfortunate distinction of seeing a fentanyl OD occur and rendering some first aid. They had none of the signs and symptoms I saw in that OD and copious amounts of Narcan in the officers' systems produced no effect.

They were having panic attacks after freaking out over the fentanyl in their vicinity. The officers' probably had that fear hammered in to them. Fentanyl is a dangerous drug, yes, but it's not a video game style "insta-death" if you so much as touch it.

Which brings me to the point that scares me. If our community LEOs and first responders are being trained to be this scared of a drug, how have they been reacting to the users?

I like to go out and see the world. If I'm a homebody for too long, I get bored out of my skull. I need some variety in my life!

Have you ever had an ugly encounter with an authority figure that was directly related to your mental illness and/or their perception of your mental illness?

Yes - it is common here to see mental health staff who are just not invested in clients well-beings. Or in some cases, have active animosity toward clients. There are something called "group homes" in this state, which is supposed to be a transition from homelessness to housing. In reality, it's mostly older guys who have lived there for years. It seems as if housing never comes. For most it doesn't, I hear, and in my situation I have no point of reference because I was the only one to get out (who wasn't kicked out).

I never figured out why these individuals got into the field. The shaming for being unclean or unable to perform everyday functions, the threatening to kick clients back on the street, the sense of false hope, the food stamp robbery, mismanaged and controlled social security payments, the absolute disrespect by some staff is incredible. It blows my mind that someone could not only treat someone who has difficulties in all those things like that, but go out of their way to work over these people that they already disrespect.

I think it comes down to mutual understand. It's just not there. Not there at all. "Group homes" in particular are unfortunately very bad conditions. I was lucky to get out. The only one to get out. And it took me 3 years, getting my own job, and being white and well spoken. It is rigged and God bless everyone who is living in one.

Are there any English words that rub you the wrong way? What are some favorites as well?

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience in a group home, insideoutsider. That's just dreadful! We have group homes up here too. I dated a guy who worked in one for youths. He said the staff who have worked there for decades are so burnt-out they take deep drags of their cigarettes and nothing comes out.

Answer:

I have a terrible time with the word 'lazy.' It's because i have a lot of trouble with inertia due to depression and the physical weakness that results, age (56), gender (woman in menopause), and just a general tendency to enjoy stillness, peace, and quiet. I'll go to any lengths not to describe myself as lazy but i know some nasty neighbors who don't understand may well call me that behind my back.

I like the word 'integrity' above all in the English language. I feel it is the most important characteristic to have. I also like 'equanimity,' 'pyrotechnic,' 'exquisite,' 'elegant,' 'classy,' 'lovely,' and terms of endearment.

What's your question, @JaneOnceMore?

If you cook, how did you learn?

Mostly by watching mum, pbs and cookbooks. Then experimenting. I’m quite a good cook when I put my mind to it. But it’s just me and I don’t enjoy cooking, so mostly I don’t. I get meals delivered m-f at noon. For super I mostly have salads.

If you live along do you cook?

I assume it was live alone.

Yes, I cook for myself and I invite friends and relatives over for lunch or dinner. I love cooking.

Q: who is your favorite character, a hero or a heroine, from a well-known children's book?

I think, my favorite must probably be Big Anthony from Strega Nona.

Same question?

Between Alice in Wonderland or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, not sure. Hard to pick for me.

Q: between a time machine and magic carpet, which tool would you prefer to have?

Magic carpet. Historically I've thought the time machine would be better, to invest in amazon for example, or prevent a catastrophic event. But that would drive me insane. There would always be temptation to fix something or change something, and I would probably end up not taking the present moment very seriously. Also, do I really think my ideas to do things are "correct", not only for myself but everyone? Doubtful.

Do you create any artwork? If so, what - if not, what do you enjoy to look at?

I dabble. I have several paintings of birch trees and northern Minnesota woods. One I did for my granddaughter of a moon dribbling down into a River.

What do you do when you get bored?

A few things. I read. I listen to music, podcasts and audiobooks. I'll go to the movie theater if something good is on. A lot of times, if I've got some gas in the tank, I'll just drive. No real destination, just anywhere in a thirty minute radius. Gives me a chance to listen too?

Have you ever had to care for someone at the end of their life? Hospice care, essentially?

My sister died in March. I was able to be there for her the last three weeks of her life. While there's still a huge hole in my heart, I'm grateful I was able to be present for her. In my drinking days I would have been on a terrible binge. End-stage cancer is an ugly thing.

Have you ever done anything you're embarrassed about when drinking to excess? Share, if you are able.

Oh my goodness, yes! When drunk, I had a lot of disinhibition. Vomiting in public and some really over-the-top stuff came out of my mouth. I lost a few friendships as a result. I did a bit of drunk driving.

End-stage cancer is so horrible! The mental image of my brother's last months haunt me. My dad's last day, too, but unlike my brother, we only learned of Dad's cancer on his last day. Dad knew he would pass away that day. I can't even imagine that fear, but it hurts so much knowing he had it. I felt the same when my mother died of cancer nearly 18 years before. My brother was still in denial on his final day. Or as far as I know. I was in a very bad psychological situation when my mom died. Much more stable when Dad and my brother did, but the extreme shock and grief were still present, of course.

When was the last time you got a haircut? When was it that you had the best haircut of your life?

Maybe 3 weeks ago? Maybe a month. I used to buzz it myself when I was tight on finances, active addict and living alone. Now it's a more welcoming cut, haha, less intimidating id imagine. I sometimes put some product in to shape it if I'm trying to look good going out with my significant other.

How self aware do you think most people are? To what degree? And how much energy do most people put into analyzing others? And lastly, do you find that you do these things as much, less, or more compared to the population?

(sorry for the long question just this has been on my mind)

I think self-awareness varies widely from person to person. Same with analzying others. I think that I and probably most of us who have to be aware of what is going on in our lives to stay healthy are as self-aware as we can be and when well enough more than the general population.

What is the greatest sacrifice you have made in your life?

Walking away from college, graduation, big boy job etc. to take care of my mental health after it became glaringly obvious I wasn't able to juggle both. Tried to do both, but did neither well. Still trying to bounce back.

What was the most thankless job you ever did?

I was hired for 32 hours with the expectation someone would cover the other 8. Instead they demanded I do it all within that 32 hours; I wasn't allowed to be in the building even doing paperwork past my 8 hours. My assistants refused to listen to what I assigned as work. I got terrible reviews because I wasn't up to date with my filing. And then I was fired. I went to work for a staffing company who told me they won't even work with the company I had worked for because it treated people so badly. About the same time I found out that the first company had a nasty habit of firing experienced staff and hiring new grads at $10 less per hour. I know a new grad replaced me. That place just sucked.

What is the most enjoyable job you have ever had?

That would be my first official job when I was still in high school. I was hired by a carnival to sell ride tickets. I had a tiny little booth that was AC and tickets were .25 cents a piece. It was great fun and a novelty to sit in my little box. People that came by were for the most part having fun. It was only for 7 days so the novelty never wore off. They did ask me to travel with them for the rest of the summer but my parents put the kibosh on that! It was a great intro to the working field.

What was your first job ever?

It was awful! I was only 16 and it was a summer job cleaning rooms at a Holiday Inn, the type of hotel where the rooms open to the outside. I wasn't the type for that job, plus it was a nasty hot and humid summer in NJ and eastern PA. I stopped mostly because I got horrible prickly heat. A rash over most of my body. Future summer jobs were all in airconditioned offices.

What season do you feel at your best?

Spring, summer. I enjoy the fall though. The winter activities and weather I don't mind but I don't think I'm at my "best".

What are you looking forward to the most in September?