Questions bipolar version #10

I’d have to say the senior center. I go Mondays and Wednesday. But my new residence is becoming more a social outlet. There’s movies on Thursdays and poker on Wednesday nights. I’ve gotten to know my neighbors on my floor. It’s not deep yet, but very cordial and friendly. I’ve kind of let the Y slip into the background. When I did the senior groups there we got close.

Good question let’s keep it going. What’s your biggest social outlet? Describe it

Definitely my husband. He's stayed with me all these years, through a lot of bad times, but it almost feels like that's just strengthened our relationship!

Same question.

Currently work colleagues and churchgoers though that's about to change. For the better or worse remains to be seen.

Have you ever been (or suspected you were) discriminated against for your mental illness?

"Screw you and the horse you rode in on." Kidding! Actually, it's " Freedom should always acknowledge the freedom of those who think differently."

What/Where is your favorite space on earth? Explain.

There’s a place up north on woman lake, where there is a largish rock on a tiny rock beach that look’s over the bay. My parents used to own that land and I spent a lot of time there just watching the lake. In early mornings when there was fog deer might come from the woods, loons from the lake. One summer we had two swans.

What’s your favorite space on earth? Explain

I enjoy a nice highway with no one near me, middle of the pack, cruising at 75mpm listening to music.

Same question?

In my husband's arms. I guess that explains itself.

Are you seeing/feeling/hearing/smelling/tasting any preliminary signs of autumn? What?

Dark mornings. Remind me to get the light box from storage soon.

Same question?

It is much cooler with a slight change in the leaves on a few trees. Not enough to say "It's fall!" but enough to notice. I am so hopefully we're done with the really hot days for this year; anything can happen.

Is there a phrase or verse or something that you have learned that helps you when you are upset? Either learned on your own or in therapy.

This too shall pass.

It works in all situations. The bad, and in good times it reminds me to be mindful and truly appreciate it

Same question

find myself taking deep breaths, going for a walk, decompressing. Sometimes I'll say I'm my head, "it's not that deep", and visualize things I'm grateful for to stay grounded.

Did you have anger issues as a child? Either way, are there reoccurring themes in where anger comes from for you?

I had anger issues in my early 20s before I was diagnosed as 26. Not often but if something hurt me when my mood was mixed I'd lash out. I don't do that anymore thanks to meds and a couple good therapists. In fact my therapist of 18 years says he's never really seen me angry.


What is the most angry you have ever been, bipolar related or not?

When I was very manic back in 2004. I lashed out at some friends who were getting married and tried to break them up. It was really bad because I was so jealous of not finding love myself. They never spoke to me again even after I tried to reach out, but I guess I deserve that.

Do you recall a manic or depressive episode when you were aware of it coming on?

I share the same exact experience as you, BeyondtheRainbow. Major periods of irritability (a light way to put it) during mixed states, but then with my current cocktail it seems to have mostly disappeared.

So many anger outbursts in the past! It's hard to choose between them, or even remember just a small percentage. Sometimes there was great agony mixed in. Perhaps the day my employer threatened to fire me was among the worst. That was about 17 years ago. I became so furious that I wrote a letter of resignation when I got back to my chair. Then I drove home super recklessly. Actually rapid violent thinking to drive into a tree, though luckily I didn't. I think what led to the threatened firing was when I basically roared at my work colleague who was hounding me "to talk". I had been yelling out a lot and slamming on my computer keyboard. Once I recall punching the wall. When I was called to HR, they said that six (yea, six) of my work colleagues issued complaints. I was very sick and had been for a long time. My mother had died about nine months earlier. I already had the bipolar disorder diagnosis, but refused treatment. I remember telling the HR Director "I have manic depression". In response, he told me that it didn't matter. That really pissed me off, but after years, I realized he was right. I was not to act like that. It was my responsibility to accept treatment.

What is your favorite autumn treat?

S’mores and hot apple cider around a campfire

Great question! What is your favorite autumn treat?

Anything Pumpkin Spice! Pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins!

I am going to repeat my question because I think it got missed.

Do you recall a manic or depressive episode when you were aware of it coming on?

Yeah, in college before I got officially diagnosed I'd get manic the week of the vernal equinox like clockwork for 3 years. I was starting to speed up. I was pretty sure I knew what was coming, but being unmedicated, it turned out worse than I anticipated the last time.

My highs used to be euphoric, which is probably why I only went hospitalized for the depression. It soon got out of hand, though. I'm thankful I had the awareness to admit myself all but one of the dozen admissions. Maybe 10, not sure. Grateful it's been 6-7 years since I've worn those slipless socks.

Same question?

I've noticed before my depressive episodes, there's always a sudden and inexplicable drop in my physical energy. No mood symptoms at that point, but I usually feel exhausted.

Have you noticed a seasonal component to your manic and depressive episodes?

My worse depression seems to occur in February. The days are getting longer but it’s still too dark and cold. Winter has stretched on in what “feels” like forever. Mentally I know it will get brighter and warmer but the “feels”, trick me into thinking it’s forever. My mania has no seasonal effects, it can happen at any time.

Do you wish for the end of daylight saving time?

Yes!

What's your favorite thing about autumn (or spring if you're in the southern hemisphere)?

Cool breeze, hoodies and flannels, football.

Same question?

Cooler weather and being able to wear a jacket. Autumn has historically been when my moods are most level. I also have many lovely memories that occurred in the fall.

Looking back at your sickest times (with bipolar disorder), in what season(s) did they strike most? Why do you think that was?

Late spring/early summer and late autumn/early winter. I think it's because of the extremes in how much light there is. Around summer solstice we get like 5 hours of absolute darkness and around winter solstice it's the opposite and either way makes it hard to sleep because I'm either awake because of the light or my sleep cycle is so off I go to bed at like 6 and wake up before midnight and then get really stressed about being the only one up.

Same Q

End of March used to be destructive throughout April. Risky things. My doctor told me that mid February she has notes that I either used to relapse or have very troubling thoughts around the same times. My depression seems to be less easy to pinpoint for me than my mania. It's more apparent to those around me.

Do you have a best friend? Did you? What is it or was it like?

I don't, but often wonder what it's like to have someone who cares and listens.
question: if you don't have a friend, or someone close to you, why do you think that is. do you think it's something in your personality?