Questions bipolar version #10

Abilify. It stopped - for the most part - delusions of paranoia.

Do you trust your psychiatrist?

I do. He took the time to build up a rapport with me, which was much appreciated. It feels more like a back and forth rather than "proclamations from on high," which, again, I very much appreciated.

Another thing which definitely helped was that his particular job title (psychiatric nurse practitioner) allows him to be both psychiatrist and therapist, so if there was a significant mental health issue coming, he was uniquely suited to help head it off before things got bad.

How many mental health professionals (therapists, psychiatrists, counselors etc.) have you dealt with over the course of your illness?

13 I think. I've been blessed to have had my pdoc for 21 years and my therapist for 18 so that's reduced my numbers.

Same question

Oh, I’ve had so many pdocs I’ve lost count. Got a good one now but wow some of them were real wacko. I moved a lot which accounted for some of the switches but a lot of time it was me saying adios. The vast majority over medicated me, and had me on ADs which were horrible for me. But to be fair I didn’t catch on to that either. There were a few good one but they all worked inpatient and didn’t do outside office hours. I also often went off all my meds and just quit pdocs.

Therapist I’ve been lucky with and only had 6 the moving is obviously when I had to end it. Often they agreed I was over medicated but thought I needed something. Once going though a mania the t said I needed a med and I finally found a pdoc to take my insurance he oddly put me on a AD, to be fair I told him no APs. I just got worse and my t agreed that ADs were not for me. I took that as I needed no meds. Then when I ended up in psych er I got a great pdoc who prescribed what I’m on now, minis the lamictal which I went off of as I was too flat on it.

No t now and a pretty good pdoc.

Same question ( it’s a good one)

A lot. Most bad. Many therapists. Also most bad. Luckily now I have a great therapist and pdoc (though I think the pdoc has me on too many meds, but I'm taking matters into my own hands. Luckily he's a great guy and quite open to my suggestions. My next appointment with him isn't until April 2nd I believe. I plan on being off a few meds by then. I don't think he'll be too frustrated with me).

Same question.

Too many I’ve got no way to count. I’ve been with my current pdoc for 3/4 years and my therapist for the same amount of time. I trust them completely even though they are so far away to get to, since I moved in March.

How old were you when you were first diagnosed as bipolar?

23, 24 thereabouts. Quite a road getting there!

Was it a quick road from first symptoms to a bipolar diagnosis or did you have other diagnoses and/or treatments in between?

I was first treated for major depressive disorder and anxiety NOS.

Same question.

My first diagnosis was PTSD with atypical MDD. The therapy I got was useful but hard to do because the ADs they kept giving me put me either in mania or mixed moods. Then I’d go off the drugs and was able to get something out of therapy. But then episodes would interfere and I’d be hospitalized and drugged with more ADs and told my PTSD was out of control. Finally they changed it to PTSD and Bipolar but still drugged me with ADs. I finally wised up and went off the ADs was able to concentrate on therapy and was able to put PTSD in the rear. I’m now diagnosed with bipolar and oddly anxiety.

Same question

I was first diagnosed with prenatal depression when I was pregnant with my daughter. Only got the bipolar diagnosis when I was 29.

Do people irl know you have bipolar?

Some, especially those close to me. There are others, but I did not directly share my dx with them. Unfortunately, some close to me shared it either without my permission or inadvertently. [I used to blog about my bipolar disorder and some shared my blog address. In the beginning, I just let that go. Later, I ceased posting in that blog to avoid snooping.] There were some people at my previous job that found out. It was a matter of witnessing a severe episode and surely gossip.

What percentage of the people you've shared your dx with have actually been supportive?

I don't share that much lately. My activist friends know I have issues, but we don't focus on the labels. They are supportive. Others? They think I am weird for other things. My sexuality, my political stances, being childfree. Some even freak out over dyslexia label...

Do you ever feel that you are a total misfit and don't want to share even with the closest friends?

My closest friend has depression. We kind of meet halfway. She just gets me and doesn’t judge me.

Have you lost friends/acquaintances irl due to this diagnosis?

Yes. My best friend for many years. It was awful. We reconnected a few years ago but I've not heard from her in 18 months so I guess we're not talking again.

Do you feel guilt for the impact of bipolar on your relationships?

For sure. Not sure if it's my disorder or my ex-husband's affair that ended our marriage. We had been together since we were 19. Ah well.

Do you feel like your bipolar is currently well managed?

No. Definitely mid-episode. Maybe starting to improve a little bit though although I've crashed tonight.

What time of day is best for you?

Morning. I tend to steadily decline as the day progresses, though lately I've just been declined overall.

Same question.

Better yet, what's your FAVORITE time of day?

Generally around mid afternoon (3 pm). It's been that way for years. I'm not a morning person and I get quite tired after my evening medications. The sedation from my evening meds is at it lowest around 3 pm.

Which medication(s) seem to be best at curbing the depressive side of your bipolar illness?

For me personally Cymbalta but I’m also on Brintellix too as an AD. Life is good.

What’s the worst or most useless med you ever been on?

The worse,…I don’t remember. Yad think a person would remember a medication that put them into the medical hospital for a week from the side effects,…but I don’t. My life was pretty bad and tipsy tirvy back then. But it was an old medicine from the 80’s.

Do you find yourself blaming bipolar for things instead of owning responsibility?

Most of the time I find I blame myself when the truth is that bipolar is responsible more than blaming bipolar when I am responsible. I tend to have a guilty conscience most of my time.

What is something you wish you hadn't delayed?

Many years ago I wish I would have gotten help sooner while in midst of bipolar episode/crisis. Temporarily ruined my life and that of my family. Very sad 😔.

BUT things turned out for the better in the end.

What's something you wish you HAD delayed?

same answer, but in reverse

my mother was very against any type of illness (physical/ emotional), and when I did get help and a diagnoses, she threatened people on her property who tried to help me

a few months later, she kicked me out of the family home. if I'd have gotten help then, my mother wouldn't have tried to get in my way of it, she wouldn't even know
it wouldn't have changed being kicked out,



really sad, but true

if you could improve one thing about your current treatment, what would that thing be?