Bipolar Check-in #72

I’ve been up since 5am yesterday. Whhhhhy can’t I sleep

I've been on Geodon since 2007. Its never been a real big deal when it comes to being hungry and I never gained any weight on it. It was the med that saved my life. I think it might be the Prestiq that I started during the summer. Then the dose was recently raised which has worked incredibly, I just don't eat very much anymore. I guess its kinda a trade off I suppose. Thats the only thing I can think of really. I could also possibly be developing OCD with food maybe. Idk. I know I'm in treatment for a possible eating disorder too.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 I remember that show. You’re right- everybody did seem happy. Especially Paul Lind. Was he the Uncle Arthur on Bewitched?

Yup! He sure was.

I have to stop the Topmax (AD) Because of the "lights" I'm seeing, which indicate potential retina problems (tears, detachment). Serious issues - a frighteningly not uncommon effect of the medication. It has been pulled from the market a couple of times, not sure why it's still available, at all.

Saw med dude yesterday, he denied the optical issue , despite my far more experienced GP/gyn/OB connecting the dots immediately & putting in an urgent referral to ophthalmology clinic. I was floored by the denial. This is my vision. My eyesight. The info is all over the internet on reputable medical sites.

@BeyondtheRainbow, I spoke with med dude very openly, persistently, but without being pushy, about Emsam. He said "I can't prescribe a med I'm not familiar with" and "An AD can cause hypomania" and "That's a really new MAOI...they cause all sorts of side effects and can be dangerous because of the potential issues MAOI's can cause." Later in the appointment he did say he'd "do some reading about that medication Emsam."

As for the enormous research medical univ psych near me (Univ of Calif, Davis School of Medicine)- they are "full to capacity and not taking new patients at this time." (I'm sure they take new patients who are of particular interest to them, referred by so-and-so, just not off the street people.) But, thank you again so much for your support

My next suggestion to med dude was Symbyx (Prozax/Zyprexa combo that is being used specifically for BD). From the research I've done it has very high ratings from patients. However, Symbyx is a weight gainer.

His reply was that "These things are all off label, but you seem to want to try them." Symbyx is NOT off label!

Med dude remains very calm, patient, and sympthetic. I don't mean to say he isn't. He simply cannot put the patient's needs over his young, inexperienced ego, and that is a huge problem. That I have 4 decades of experience with psych meds doesn't seem to count for anything with him. Clearly other medical professional's opinions or experiences do not mean a damned thing to him.

He finally agreed to prescribe a very low dose of Symbyx, but said, "I mean, do you want to gain weight?"
I would feel sad to leave him, like I'm hurting his feelings. I wish I could find him years from now. But I keep looking into other options. I have to. That said- I have yet to find another option.

btw, @Random 503, I made a point of asking med dude *the question*. What is the big concern if I become hypomanic, or even slightly manic? Because I have never had a true full-on manic episode. His answer was, "Mania can result in having to go into the hospital, or jail, or even death!"

I acknowledged that with an "Okay," then told him I'm far more concerned about these severe depressions I've been experiencing in the past several years than I am about a hypomanic episode. He replied with something vague, while scrolling on his phone, an mmm.....hmm...

I slept some. My friend promised not to tell the worst person ever my secrets. I knew he was great.

Now this evil man np can shove it

I really want to drink, but valium...

Many moons ago, many many moons ago I was ip and was given a pass to go with a friend. We went out to eat and I had a drink with my meal. I don’t remember what meds I was on but she dropped me off and the nurse found me facing the wall, just standing there facing the wall. I had amnesia and the next day they were all warning me the danger of mixing drink with my meds. I was flabbergasted as I’d only had the one drink….with a meal! Scary 😦

I paid my car tags today $363. Whew. Happy birthday hallie! Insurance deductible started over too so another big expense.

I’m broke but I’m happy!!!!’n

Unfortunately, this does not surprise me at all. My last pdoc was the same way. We will see what the new one does.

I just learned the same thing the hard way. One drink puts me under now with no recollection. I used to be able to put a 1/5 down with little issue (in my mind probably, lol). I wish NA beer and wine actually taste good.

If I can get away from the NP and see regain my safety from satan
With praise and prayer-I should be fine!

I’m so sorry! I had to find a new pdoc as well and the first one I tried said the exact same thing. I do t have bipolar, I have ptsd and I should do EMDR therapy and then I won’t needs meds. Crazy talk! Explain my (multiple) psychotic breaks! They were all caused by ptsd? I don’t think so.

I hope you can find someone to help you soon. It’s unfair that this happened after you’ve been doing so well for so long!

Still no word on the job application. Based on the stuff I read online about this company I should have heard something by now. So idk. Maybe I did flub an answer. I didn't upload my resume. Or they do think I'm a liabilty because I get SSI. Hopefully I'll hear something though eventually.

My niece was here all day. And yeah she shreiked like a banshee most of the day. My mom tried everything my sister had written down. We took her on a ride to the Starbucks drive thru which calmed her down for a bit. I got a drink with pistachio in it and I still can't do anything with nuts in it. I thought maybe I had gotten over it. I have pretty bad tylenol, pepcid, and zofran, resistant gallbladder type pain and nausea from it now.

So today wasn't the greatest with my niece screaming all day and not hearing back from the job and the stomach issues. My mom is at the store now picking me up a huge amount of yogurt, bread and caffeine free diet Coke since its pretty much all I can and will still eat. I had a can of roast beef and it didnt go well but at least it was a lot of protein.

My husband and I head back to the States from Mexico tomorrow. We are glad we finally visited Mexico, but we have no intension of ever returning. It would take a while to discuss our impressions. Like most places, there were good ones and bad ones, but sadly more negative, and I say "sadly" because I feel for the average Mexican citizen. Like many places in the world, the people are not served well by the small group of rich elites here and foreign investors enrich themselves and share next to nothing with the people of the country. We appeciated the chance to talk to some people here who were frank about the situations of many of their compatriots.

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Originally Posted by Random 503 Unfortunately, this does not surprise me at all. My last pdoc was the same way. We will see what the new one does.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you luck.

Hello all! Doing well tonight! The doctor’s appointment went successfully and I’ll have surgery the first week of February. We’ll make a quick trip up North for mom to visit her sisters first.

I’ve been out of samples of one of my medications for 3 weeks now - Vraylar with the holidays and the building being remodeled coming into play. I think I’m okay without it.

Got appointment after appointment coming up with a trip to see my daughter and her fiancée for the weekend sandwiched in between.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love

I think he truly knows NOTHING about Emsam. It's not an old drug but it has been out since 2006 I think and I'm sure he prescribes plenty of things released later than that. The side effect profile is pretty low and my pdoc says it is less likely to cause mood lability. I don't know why but I am pretty sure I've been told that before.


I hope he really does read about it. I have a feeling it may take an actual pdoc to get Emsam but I don't know what you do when there aren't pdocs available. It's like clozaril, they have to be comfortable prescribing it. Even though Emsam is really a non-issue if you just know that you have to follow the rules strictly to avoid problems.

I do worry sometimes about what will happen when my pdoc retires, whether she'll find someone for me who is comfortable with my MAOI/clozaril combination. I know she'll find another pdoc at the same hospital (important because I need psych to work with anesthesia if or when I need more breast biopsies) and will personally pick someone but it's hard to imagine the same level of support I have now. Ugh.


I'm sorry UC Davis can't take you. I guess I don't know what it is like to get into those places. I went to one big hospital initially because I was in a clinical trial so they wanted me and then I saw my pdoc in private practice for a few years until she moved to the big hospital where I see her now. She brought me along for the ride to the big place so I didn't have to do anything.

I hope the Symbyx works for you. I thought with the prozac included in the mix it was supposed to be more weight neutral? Maybe that's just for some people or maybe I'm making that up.

Please take care of yourself. This has to work out sometime. It did for me and I was a walking mess for years before it was resolved.

I know I keep saying it, but again... @BeyondtheRainbow, your kindness and experience has been a life raft for me this extremely hard season. That med dude knows nothing at all about Emsam & his ignorant bias against MAOI's is glaringly evident. I did give him credit for offering to read about Emsam. I don't expect him to agree to prescribe it, but if he educates himself, hey, maybe it'll help someone down the line.

Your pdoc is a treasure. Hopefully, whoever you hook up with in the future will work from your current psych records and make good use of the information. I wish, wish prescribers would stop getting all hung up in diagnoses and treat symptoms. I mean, the strong hypomanias I experienced in my late-30's are hardly my concern now - this frightening, deep depression at age 60 is scaring me badly. Their perspectives often leave me clueless.

We're being hit with a "bomb cyclone." Apparently, a tornado, a hurricane, and a cyclone are the same event, but are called by different names depending upon where they occur. My front door sounds like it's going to come off, the wind is howling, the rain is beating, and I'm feeling on edge.

I wonder what will happen with regard to the Speaker of the House situation.

Thanks Beth. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug and then find you a good, experienced pdoc. Your situation is heartbreaking.

I went through a couple really bad psych experiences and have been blessed that they were the last. In 2002 I saw a pdoc who didn't understand high-functioning so she said I couldn't be bipolar because I couldn't have held my job if I were bipolar. She spent 8 minutes per session with me and had no idea what was going on. The worst of it was 2 or 3 years later I got a bill for $3000 from them for a reason I never understood. It felt like a slap having to pay it.

The other bad time was after the clinical trial. My current pdoc worked a few days per month at the counseling place I go to but her waiting list was months long. So I tried all 6 of the places in my city. 5 said no and 1 said they'd call me back. It's been 20 years so I'm thinking they may not call .. Eventually my therapist talked my pdoc into taking me on and that was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I hope the same happens to you. You may want to see if UC is doing any clinical trials You get really good care and at least the one I did will slide you into their program after you finish. I didn't because it was too far (ironically I go further now) but I could have stayed with them and wanted to as I really liked the pdoc I saw during most of the study.

I'm sorry your niece screamed like a banshee all day @Mountaindewed. That's draining. I had a close friend, we were having children at the same time, and her baby cried relentlessly. Non-stop screaming. My friend was in a miserable marriage, she was so depressed, but in a strange way it helped her be patient with her baby. I felt so sorry for both of them.

I'm definitely not up on applying for jobs these days, but maybe sending your resume would be a good idea. Whatever the case, you're sure being hard on yourself about it all.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Thanks Beth. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug... Thank you. So much. I think you just did I went through a couple really bad psych experiences and have been blessed that they were the last. In 2002 I saw a pdoc who didn't understand high-functioning so she said I couldn't be bipolar because I couldn't have held my job if I were bipolar. She spent 8 minutes per session with me and had no idea what was going on. The worst of it was 2 or 3 years later I got a bill for $3000 from them for a reason I never understood. It felt like a slap having to pay it. That is disgusting The other bad time was after the clinical trial. My current pdoc worked a few days per month at the counseling place I go to but her waiting list was months long. So I tried all 6 of the places in my city. 5 said no and 1 said they'd call me back. It's been 20 years so I'm thinking they may not call .. Eventually my therapist talked my pdoc into taking me on and that was the best thing that could have happened to me. Never know! Some of these clinics are so disorganized, you may just get a call tomorrow! But seriously, yes. So many times in life things like that happen. I notice it more and more. I hope the same happens to you. You may want to see if UC is doing any clinical trials You get really good care and at least the one I did will slide you into their program after you finish. I didn't because it was too far (ironically I go further now) but I could have stayed with them and wanted to as I really liked the pdoc I saw during most of the study. Funny, I've been thinking about checking into clinical trials lately. I spent the afternoon today with my insurance people & making calls, getting nowhere as far as other psych providers. I may need to take a different path. I hope you have a snuggly-good sleep tonight, Rainbow.

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@*Beth* Cllinical trials are kinda cool. I was in one that helped get lamictal approved for bipolar. I got 6 months of free psychiatric care, free meds for at least part of the study and (you don't need this part) I was able to learn a lot about the disorder that was new to me.


I have also donated blood for a study but that's no big deal. The med trial was a big thing.

I also got to meet and work with a dr I called the Guru because he's one of the top experts in bipolar in the world. He knew everything.


I don't know. I just know that was something I did that was positive.

My bedroom floor flooded overnight. I grabbed every towel and sheet except my wedding sheets, just couldn't bring myself to throw them on the floor. The mop was useless. The water was coming in through an unsealed window frame, running down the wall. I also packed towels on the ledge. What I am going to do with all this sopping wet stuff, I don't know. The rain and wind does not, not stop.