Bipolar Check-in #72

For 8 hours in Ikea they should be handing out valium at the door. I love Ikea but it is so big and overwhelming. I'm glad I've never been there when I was feeling overly sensitive because I can't image that.

I hope you feel calmer now that the Ikea is over.

Thank you I am calmer now that that's out of the way. I got 3 chairs, 4 pillows, a blanket, a table, a storage unit, a futon, desk pillow, a garbage,and a plant.

Happy New Year y'all! Hope you guys have a year that's above and beyond! Or at least a step up! I know I could use one!

The year began on a mixed note. I met my mom for Sunday services like I usually do. I was trying my hardest not to fall asleep in the sanctuary when the preacher said a doozy of an anecdote! To sum it up, he said he was feeling depressed, couldn't figure out why, "God" told him it was due to "sinful thoughts" (whatever that entails) after which he prayed through, repented and all was well in his mental world. He then encouraged the congregation to repent as well.

I know this man. He knows me. More importantly, he knows of my mental illness. It's insulting and demeaning to know that that man considers depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. to be a result of character flaws and if it becomes recurring, as mental illness is wont to do... well, tale as old as time. Us mentally ill folks get to be considered "defectives" who shouldn't be allowed to touch the fine china lest we break it and spoil the good time of polite company. We don't need to be heard. We don't need to be listened to. We just need to repent.

In the interest of over ten years of friendship, I'm going to give him a chance to walk all of that back next time we meet one on one. I really hope he sees his statement with new eyes.

I'm unsure if my husband and I will do much today. Hubby is in the hotel bed sick with stomach issues. I went out for breakfast myself and brought him yogurt back and was luckily able to make him some peppermint tea. I hope he feels better tomorrow.

Travel abroad is always a good (though sometimes really hard) learning experience, especially when you step outside tourist enclaves or resorts, which most don't do. For sure, even travel outside one's own block is important. It's the only real way to understand a little bit about the struggles (or not) of others. True understanding and open eyes should bring at least some empathy. And knowledge that some things are just plain complex and multi-faceted.

My past struggles with a serious mental illness, though severely painful, is another example of something that taught me more compassion and less prejudice than I might have had without. Though mental illness is nothing I would have ever chosen voluntarily, I appreciate the education.

Good Morning,.
Yesterday I just didn't feel up to talking but I stalked the forum and got caught up with everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. I don't have any real plans for today but I'll find something to do. I promised a friend I would in two weeks time create a landing page to demonstrate my web development skills for him. It's more of a thing for me to just find accountability to practice than for him, but I've really been enjoying it ! It's super fun. It's amazing how much CSS and Javascript can do. Heck, even HTML5 has some embedded features that are really incredible!

I'll write a little more later and tell you how my day is going.

My Generalized Anxiety Disorder is alive and well today. I had a nightmare early this morning that my house was on fire and I struggled to get my family out. I woke up with anxiety and it has grown ever since. Close to panic attack level now.

Watched the Rose Parade today. Always lovely to see as I adore flowers.

Much to do today. Stopped to take a break.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

@Soupe du jour hope hubby gets to feeling better soon. So happy you got away for awhile.

I applied for a job today. Me and my therapist did it together. She filled it out on her computer and I answered the questions. It was a simple application. They did ask if I am getting social secuirty which is a little bit concerning just based on how my last job acted when I had to have them fill out paperwork for SS. So hopefully this place just sees all the expirence I have working 2 other similar jobs.

I feel pretty good about this though. I like my new therapy time too. I went out this morning to try to find the coffee Coke they just discontiuned. I didn't find a ton but I did find two four packs and 4 individual cans. I also went to the international market and got some yogurt creme filled Oreos. My anxiety is for sure better.

The second I walked into therapy she asked me how my eating was going. Yeah, I look a bit skinny today based on my recent strength training and my jeans and hoodie weren't baggy either like they are normally are. I've been eating though.

I go for blood work in the morning. I'm not sure what to expect honestly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow For 8 hours in Ikea they should be handing out valium at the door....

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Congrats on this step, Mountaindewed!

I can't know exactly why the employer included the question about SS disability, but I know some (but not all) make a special effort to help those wishing to transition to/back. If that's the case where you are applying, perhaps it's a good thing. Both of my nephews found jobs in such a case and the job need not be limited to certain categories of work.

So many people with "disabilities" have tons to offer. It's a matter of employers acknowledging that and helping such employees grow and thrive and find a place where they (the employee) can feel some sense of satisfaction, security, and challenge. I think employers that neglect this and/or discriminate, only deprive themselves, in most cases.

I wish the US was even better at helping those with disabilities. Disability should never be a trap or "Catch-22" situation. It also shouldn't be an excuse for some employers to exploit. If you have worthy experience and abilities, please do be sure they pay a commensurate amount for them.

Pdoc called this morning. It woke me up and I missed answering the phone by a millisecond. She always calls from a private number so I can’t call back. She left a message so I called the main line for the clinic and talked with whose job it is to answer and direct calls. I finally got her on the line. She said she was sorry about not contacting me but both she and another of her family members were sick. She told me she wants to wean me off haldol because of it affecting my voice. She wants to start me on a med I can’t remember its name because I’d never heard of it. I am to take half my current dose of haldol at night until Friday when she’s going to call again. I don’t see her in the office till the end of the month. I hope this new drug isn’t a weight gainer or have other bad side effects. I also forgot to tell her that I stopped the cogentin after less than a week because it dried out my mouth and eyes so badly.

Oh lord. Tonight mum’s legs went out from under her. It took us almost a half hour to get her off the floor. Her house isn’t designed with walkers or wheelchairs. As there’s a step up to get into it. Then the family room is sunken. We pretty much hang out in the family room where the tv is and the rest is a step up. I’m really worried. She hasn’t tried walking since then.

Good to see you @Aurelius710. I was wondering if you were okay.

I'm sorry your pastor chose a stance that is from the dark ages. Some of my husband's spiritual beliefs are in that general direction; I find it shocking that anyone in this year of 2023 would even consider such ignorant ideas. But I hear it, over and over. And every time I am shocked again.

I think you said she has a visiting nurse. You could call in the morning and ask them to come out and check her out.

So sorry this happened. Falls are scary. I took care of my grandmother and she fell fairly frequently and it was always a nightmare.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I applied for a job today. ...

Good for you, Md! That takes a lot of courage. I hope your blood work goes well. Or rather, comes out well.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 ...She told me she wants to wean me off haldol because of it affecting my voice. She wants to start me on a med I can’t remember its name because I’d never heard of it. ...

Oh, I think that's definitely a good plan with regard to the haldol. I wonder what the new med is.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oh lord. Tonight mum’s legs went out from under her. It took us almost a half hour to get her off the floor. Her house isn’t designed with walkers or wheelchairs. As there’s a step up to get into it. Then the family room is sunken. We pretty much hang out in the family room where the tv is and the rest is a step up. I’m really worried. She hasn’t tried walking since then.

Oh, Nammu. That does sound concerning. I'm keeping you and your mum in my prayers tonight.

We're just flooded quite a bit out here. Maybe some of you have seen our region on the news. My town made it onto CNN...there are streets and roads out around town, and a little part of a levee that holds one of two enormous rivers that run through northern California broke, and these poor cars were floating around in the flood water, some of them completely upside-down! Ugh. And it's still raining, with more to come.

I'm decreasing the Topamax rapidly, of course, which is causing freaky sleep stuff. I don't watch game shows, I'm not fond of them. But last night I was dreaming I was hosting a game show and I woke myself up talking out loud, very LOUD to a guest on the game show. I was saying, "Hello there! So! What's YOUR name?" I felt ridiculous.

Ha ha Beth. I love game shows but I’ve never dreamed of them! 😂 that’s pretty funny, I wonder what your cats thought of that!

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Originally Posted by Nammu Ha ha Beth. I love game shows but I’ve never dreamed of them! 😂 that’s pretty funny, I wonder what your cats thought of that!

I was wondering exactly the same, but I don't know because they were up and about for breakfast. My mom loved game shows and I grew up listening to them, which I didn't mind at all. I just can't sit and watch them, mostly because I'm terrible at guessing them (my mom was a whiz with Jeopardy and others). I guess they stuck in my mind, though, because sheesh- I was all into being a host in that dream! I knew I had a big smile on my face and was all enthusiastic, greeting the guests!

Oh, but there was one I loved when I was a really little girl. I think it was called Hollywood Squares? Does that ring a bell for you, Nammu? I remember thinking that one was fun, kind-of dazzling, and everyone seemed so happy.

Hello all! I hope today finds you well. I’m doing well but am a bit tired as I’ve been up since midnight. I’ve been sleeping with mom to get her through the holiday season and she stays awake all night watching the tv at full volume. My therapist says there’s no way I’m getting REM sleep. Maybe I’ll slowly migrate back to my own space.

I see my medical doctor today to determine whether surgery will be necessary to clear up a condition I’ve suffered from for a while. I’m hoping for the surgery as it would alleviate much pain on my behalf.

It’s back to the daily grind for me today. Lots to do - fun and routine. I’m being very careful in what I take on these days. I ask myself if I’m willing to exchange my precious time and life force for whatever the activity or event is. Has helped me tremendously in determining the next best step.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

Hollywood squares was hard for me because it was so non sequitur. They couldn’t always frame the speaker so I could read lips. So I couldn’t always follow the conversation. But I did like it once close captioning started. There’s a game channel that shows old episodes and they are now captioned. Another good easy going one with a lot of dialogue is match game. Betty white was on that a lot. She was wonderful on any game show. My sister and I compete to see who can answer the most jeopardy questions. It’s all fun.

Today is my mawmaws 90th birthday!

Happy birthday to your mawmams!

Aww ty! She’s in rehab right now. Her and papaw both are getting over covid.