Bipolar Check-in #74

It's snowing and blowing out and i am feeling cooped-up. Will Winter never end?

I find myself having moments of great despair. Where I wonder what the point of it all is. The whole of humanity looks rather silly and pathetic. I think we should be wiped off this earth. There’s just a fruitlessness to existence. I get a great empty hole in my soul and miss mum. Then it passes. We are just temporary visitors to earth. This morning it all seemed pointless. I canceled aqua fitness because what’s the point. Then Sir came and laid on me. He makes it better. I guess that’s grief. Experiencing grief in a stable place is new for me. I don’t have to let it drag me down.

I find myself having moments of great despair. Where I wonder what the point of it all is. The whole of humanity looks rather silly and pathetic. I think we should be wiped off this earth. There’s just a fruitlessness to existence. I get a great empty hole in my soul and miss mum. Then it passes. We are just temporary visitors to earth. This morning it all seemed pointless. I canceled aqua fitness because what’s the point. Then Sir came and laid on me. He makes it better. I guess that’s grief. Experiencing grief in a stable place is new for me. I don’t have to let it drag me down.

I'm glad your kitty helped. I have those moments as well, especially in the past few days after losing my friend.

Reading about stoicism has helped me with despair because the stoics believe that what gives meaning to life is living according to one's own system of reason and virtue. I've been able to drag myself to the gym a few times by telling myself the stoic advice not to avoid difficult things, with the idea that you will suffer anyway if you avoid those things. But if I fall short, I just forgive myself and move on.

And yes, kitties are so awesome. Animals in general because they live in the moment and don't worry.

"We suffer more in imagination than reality" - Senecca

The last few days, we've had tons of rain here in Bohemia. It hasn't made the move any easier. And last night I saw big drips on the floor when entering the kitchen. We couldn't actually see any source, which was odd. At this stage, if all there was were drips, I guess we won't worry too much. After all, it's nothing compared to what happened when we were selling our house in New Jersey. On the positive side, the hills are becoming brilliantly green and trees are starting to blossom and more and more flowers blooming.

Our worker guy friend seems to have his nose out of joint for some reason. We don't need that!

Got through the storms okay thankfully.

Steve and I have decided I am going to file another formal complaint over that truly reckless nurse. It’s been 8 days since I requested a refill and the pharmacy has sent the request twice and still nothing. Im now out of the increased Geodon at night dose. I’m going to write up some stuff this weekend so I can make it very detailed.

No sleep last night and I even took another Ambien .. hope I’ll sleep tonight.

Gonna be one of those days

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ohhh. That’s so unnecessary that you be out of the geodon!!

Did the ambien help at all? I decrease my dose occasionally so I don’t build tolerance again but rarely I take double and those nights I sleep soooo well. Be kind to yourself and don’t worry about cleaning. A few days off won’t hurt!

As for Mother Nature not much we can do. Sending vibes to protect your property.

I normally just take 2.5 mg and it works ok last night nope. So I took another 2.5 and nothing I gave up as the sun was coming up !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Got through the storms okay thankfully.

Steve and I have decided I am going to file another formal complaint over that truly reckless nurse. It’s been 8 days since I requested a refill and the pharmacy has sent the request twice and still nothing. Im now out of the increased Geodon at night dose. I’m going to write up some stuff this weekend so I can make it very detailed.

No sleep last night and I even took another Ambien .. hope I’ll sleep tonight.

Gonna be one of those days

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sorry for an "academic" reply as I'm new to the forum - but this is a really interesting topic to me as I'm 54 and I've noticed that some people actually seem to get more empathetic with age while others get less. I feel like I became a more angry person when I hit menopause a few years ago, but since that has passed it's a bit better.

Recently I've been reading about ancient stoic philosophy (not what the world "stoic" has come to mean). Part of the philosophy involves never reacting in anger but pausing, processing your emotions and responding (as opposed to reacting) when you are calm, for instance the next day. Modern stoics advise processing your fear and anger by writing in a journal.

I only mention it because I feel like it has really helped me manage my emotions and understand that reacting in anger is never okay, even if the anger is "justified." This means a lot to me as I have felt so enraged at times and it's so easy to get triggered by stuff in the media or online.

Unfortunately many things (including the Internet algorithm which is motivated by getting and keeping our attention) have learned to manipulate us with our negative emotions. It's more important than ever to behave with kindness and empathy.

Hope the drips aren’t going to be a problem ! Glad everything is blooming !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hubby now has me convinced that they weren't from a leak, but maybe fell off of some plastic box we brought into the house during one of the rains. However, we did then get a bone fide leak from our water heater. Hubby called a plumber who said it had been installed wrong. He did an interim fix and said to call him in any amount of liquid began to accumulate. Well, there's not really the leak on the floor, but some condensation on something or other. He'll call the plumber tomorrow morning. Hopefully he'll do something else then. After tomorrow he's gone for a fishing trip to Italy.

Maybe I am unworthy of love.