Bipolar Check-in #74

Welcome back Blue Bird 🐦

Does anyone ever feel like their brain is especially slow moving when coming out/coming down from a manic episode? I feel like I have nothing to say half the time the past few days, like I can't think or my brain isn't moving fast enough since restarting my meds. I worry that I'm boring my boyfriend because I haven't been super talkative like I was when manic (among other things, impulsive, hypersexual, reckless etc) I'm just worried that my regular self is too boring.

I’m doing ECT on Monday. The scheduling woman lightly admonished me for stopping too soon and made me promise to listen from now on haha. I emailed me boss and HR to let them know I’ll be out once a week probably through the end of the school year, since there’s only six weeks left of school.

Today I fear the lexapro is swinging me the other way. I’m completely wired. But not in a good way. In a “I wanna punch people in the face” way. I’m feeling pretty good now but very restless. I should have gone to the gym but it’s miserable out and I didn’t want to go back outside. I’ve been doing chores around the house, all the stuff I couldn’t do while depressed. Still didn’t eat much today but I’m working on it. I did go for a short walk this morning but it was awfully cold so I didn’t stay out.

I hope I sleep tonight. Seroquel usually takes me out so let’s hope.

Yes, self harm. Thanks for your words of encouragement!

I managed to avoid SH again today. One step at a time.

I've been awake since 3am when I couldn't sleep anymore. I worked on some writing and distracted myself.

I submitted my paperwork for long term disability. I will find out if I'm approved next month.

Last assignment of undergrad is done! Two days til
Graduation!

Yay! Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87

Congratulations @HALLIEBETH87 ! You’ve come a long way and worked so hard through everything! Be proud of yourself!

I once said that to a pdoc I had and he told me the people around me were probably glad I was boring because it’s exhausting to keep up with mania.

It finally got fixed. So I didn't get my SSI check till today. I had been completely kicked out of the system. They didn't know how many months it would take to fix. Thankfully it wasn't that long.

Congratulations HallieBeth!

Never fails. I haven't been able to sleep at all tonight, with an 8am doctor's appointment coming. This one's with an ENT to finally discuss the partial voice loss from January. 5 Hour Energy it is!

Yup. Totally wired. But happy today. I slept but woke up a couple of times for an hour each time.

I feel like I could run miles. I can’t run. I wanna take a walk but it’s quite cold and dreary out. Don’t have time for the gym. Work should be interesting.

I knew this would happen with an SSRI but no, don’t listen to the patient or anything. **** off.

Good to hear!

Wonderful!

Congrats!

The stress is extreme during my visit to the US to help my sister and soon attend our dad's and brother's funeral and reception. The vultures are already approaching us wanting some of their belongings and property for low cost (both) or even free (belongings). My sister is very acquiescent and naive. I will confess to also trying to influence her, but more as a counter to others' greed or clear bad advice. Her husband is the epitome of bossy, bellowing, and foolish with BPD outbursts. What he orders her to do, she often does against her own better judgement. He's manipulative and is often doing the "Don't leave me! Don't leave me! You're going to leave me." Then she has to constantly say, "No, no, no." He's also a verbal abuser. I can't stand his stuff! I hate that he is involving himself. I confess to partially blaming him for my youngest nephew's death. It's hard to even be civil around him, but I am. I've disliked him from the very start, even when I was 14 years old. I wish she would leave him, but she won't. Hubby and I assume Stockholm Syndrome on Sis' part. He always refuses any therapy. Sorry for the venting.

All throughout this, I've the feeling that my living abroad makes many people act like I don't exist. There are also people showing up asking for things who say they never knew I did. That doesn't hurt that much, other than some who know who I am. My greatest support, besides Sis, has only been my husband's closest family. I accept that since my family has mostly died off or is far away, rarely seen, that my home now really is in Czech Republic.

So stressful that even Hubby and I are having fights. We need to cool off. And I say "we". He's my only support here.

Wow, I really can’t go anywhere now without running into someone from the senior center. Today I had to get my blood labs for my doctor appointment tomorrow. Sure enough ran into someone. I feel nostalgic for the days when I was anonymous.

Congratulations!!!!

Feeling lonely and disconnected today. That’s rare for me and very painful when it happens. I have to be on guard when this happens because it’s easy for me to make unwise decisions and bad choices in that state.

Went to water aerobics today and back to sit by the stream in the sun. I think it’s supposed to rain over the next 7 days. I’ll enjoy it while I can.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

I’ve thought of you often and prayed for your family and for you that you come through this in one piece. I send gentle hugs and supportive vibes.

My husband has said that to me about mania too. He said I'm exhausting when I'm manic. Lol

The new thread is here: Bipolar Check-in #75