[Miss Laura]

I've been trying to stay off here as well I'm seeking help from my own people who just don't give a damn or they are judging me.

I've been high for about 4 months. In this time I've contacted my community mental health team aka Psychiatrist and he has dismissed this and has said I'm fine. Cause he apparently knows me. I've spoken to 5 Community Mental Health Nurses 2 of which have said I need a med tweak... but Psychiatrist has refused. 1 CPN actually said my skin crawling was nothing but a skin irritation. It's nothing to do with a mental health condition.... DESPITE this being part of my paranoia and has been forever. So I've had to ride the mania out since February and I'm still high. I'm not manic manic but I'm not stable by any means

I'm paranoid, anxious, stressed, giddy, worried above everything else

My therapist thinks I have ADHD my Psychiatrist is refusing to test me. As he says I have "traits" of it. I obtained my medical records as I feared they were hiding things from me. I've been told in my notes I have AVPD... Avoidant Personality Disorder diagnosed in 2016 year I was unaware of this.

I'm talking to guys and tonight (Wednesday) I was going to be meeting a guy for sex. We have spoken for months and now we were meeting up. I told a friend however she has refused to get into touch with me my 1 friend my 1 connection to normality has refused to get in touch.

I've lost touch with reality, I'm paranoid and I'm stressing that people are judging me constantly. I'm paranoid even outside I can't enjoy the summer cause I'm too paranoid.

FYI the meet up got cancelled and I peeved and gutted. I'm peeved cause I have no-one in the world holding my back for me

Sorry for long post I'm just needing to get it out. I don't need a lecture I just need to vent ok. Thanks if you've read this. Sorry

Ps I've been reading my suicide note I found in my house I have no plan its just triggered me. I've also been reading my letters to everyone. I've been writing a list of what to do if I end up in the hospital.

I've messed up!!

[Yaowen]

This is a good place to vent. Sometimes it can be cathartic. I am so sorry that nobody's got your back!

[TheGal]

I hope that your medical team starts listening to you!

And sorry to hear that you've been triggered.

I wish there was something I could say that would help.

Keep posting and venting.

[Miss Laura]

I'm just really angry that they won't help me. I have to ride the depression out as they think anti-depressants make me manic. I've only been on them prior to diagnosis so who knows. Now I must ride out the mania too. The paranoia is getting out of hand. I can't keep going on like this. Plus I'm worried they'll section me or make me take meds if I come off them ie a Compulsory Treatment Order which was put in my notes last February.

Then to topple it off my supposed friend isn't being a friend she's not even acknowledged me or my plea for listening but I've been there for her. She too has mental health issues. I have no friends just acquaintances.

I'm judging myself as the world is judging me. I'm too insightful into my illness (all professionals say this!) Yet no one is listening to me. I'm waiting on the crash happening!

[TheGal]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

When I told the nurse at emerg that I was psychotic, I wasn't believed. I had been previously turned away because I wasn't bad enough. I'm highly functioning and didn't 'look' ill enough I guess... anyway, it's a long story...

Keep posting here... and perhaps document what you're experiencing in a journal?

Again I'm so sorry you're going through this and to add to it your friend isn't being there for you... that's awful.

I wish you had someone to advocate for you... your therapist should be doing that for you!! It makes me so angry that so many people get called 'therapist' but their degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on. Is this person an actual psychologist?! Makes me think we should get a degree in psychology...!

[Miss Laura]

No my therapist is a counsellor who I see privately. Cause our NHS waiting lists for anything is as long as a piece of string. I've been waiting 5 years to see a Psychologist on NHS waiting list. So in 2018 I started paying for a counsellor even though I don't work. My money is tight but I needed something. She did write a letter to my Psychiatrist in March which I dropped off. When I saw him at start of June he had no clue about the letter. "Someone" had read my letter when I specifically addressed it to him only amd popped it ever so kindly right at the back of my file. I'm raging as is my counsellor. We thought he would of contacted her but nope nothing.

[TheGal]

So sorry...

How awful that he did not respond to the letter...

[TheGal]

I don't know how it works where you are, but could your counsellor call your pdoc or accompany you to hospital?

[HALLIEBETH87]

When a difficult client ends the session by telling you they love you….

[Miss Laura]

My could call my Psychiatrist but there's no guarantee he'll get back to her. He's very busy. She's very busy herself. She couldn't come to my appt with him as she's really busy herself

[TheGal]

Maybe she should call your psychiatrist.