[LadyShadow]

Hey everyone!

So my birthday is next Monday, and it's bringing up a lot of emotions in me. My high school is also advertising on Facebook for a reunion which I am 80 pounds way too fat for, on disability and with a jail record. No thanks.

I want to say that bipolar hasn't reared its ugly head in quite some time, (mania, depression), but I am quite emotional. Maybe it's just the moody Cancer astrological sign in me? I don't know.

It also looks like I will be looking at a conviction in August for the time I spent in jail and the charges I have. Even though I was told that if I went to rehab, they would be dropped, apparently now that's not the case. After 10 months in jail and 14 months in rehab, it still won't end. I really hate this whole system as a whole, because now for the next 7 years I will have a horrible conviction on my record. I feel like my life is over.

But through all of that, I have this gleam of hope that shines through. My dad and mom are really supportive, I have some good real-life friends and a best friend who is taking me to the beach this weekend, (which I never had before), so I am trying to let that internal gratitude list shine through.

I am most grateful for my CPAP machine, because of the restful sleep I get. Bipolar used to be so hard to manage without good sleep, and no matter what pills I used to throw at it, it wouldn't help like this machine does.

I guess what I am asking, is how do I stay focused on the good, instead of this court date in August? I've heard so much talk about Mindfulness and living in the present, but God help me if I can do that - or stay focused long enough to even have a breakthrough like that.

So glad to be here on MSF though, (I still have a fondness for the name PC or PsychCentral). Hope ya'll are having a fantastic day!

[Crazy Hitch]

Oh man that’s rough to have that looming over your head. So sorry to hear about the difficulties you are going through. I think you’re right with the mindfulness part in terms of staying in the present. You can also do some research on the STOP Technique. Google should have some useful information for you but I find that helpful when I’m rumenating over unwanted thoughts.

I’m glad you find that the cpap machine is of benefit. Mine caused so much disruption to my sleep I had to stop using it altogether.

As for a high school reunion for me - I no longer live in the same country but even if I did I’m not sure I’d go.

I miss the name Psycentral too!

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Oh man that’s rough to have that looming over your head. So sorry to hear about the difficulties you are going through. I think you’re right with the mindfulness part in terms of staying in the present. You can also do some research on the STOP Technique. Google should have some useful information for you but I find that helpful when I’m rumenating over unwanted thoughts.

I’m glad you find that the cpap machine is of benefit. Mine caused so much disruption to my sleep I had to stop using it altogether.

As for a high school reunion for me - I no longer live in the same country but even if I did I’m not sure I’d go.

I miss the name Psycentral too!

Hey CH good to see you!

Is the STOP method the same as when you look around the room to ground yourself with? That's what I am thinking of but it might be something else.

I didn't realize what getting in trouble would cost me, I think that's what is bugging me the most. During all my manic episodes, all the run-ins I had with the police just let me to psych wards and then I would get out and that would be it. This time it's very serious, and it could have led to prison time which would have been horrible for a person like me, so again being grateful is the key.

This place will always be PC to me!

[Soupe du jour]

Hi LadyShadow. I think the criminal justice system is in dire need of reform. It's too harsh on some. I hope they will honor the promise they made giving leniency for your time in rehab. You certainly sound in a much better place, despite your challenges. You're also lucky to have some good support from family and friends. Some don't. I wish I had more.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hi LadyShadow. I think the criminal justice system is in dire need of reform. It's too harsh on some. I hope they will honor the promise they made giving leniency for your time in rehab. You certainly sound in a much better place, despite your challenges. You're also lucky to have some good support from family and friends. Some don't. I wish I had more.

I really do think there is need for reform, I just wish it would come fast enough! I am grateful for the things that I have, all in all it really could be worse. You do have more my friend! You have us! I know I am not here much, but if you ever want to talk I'm here for you. Hugs

[Nammu]

There is great need for reform and more emphasis on justice vs punishment. I’m so sorry they are not dropping charges though you did your part.

I think stop, is different from grounding and more cognition than mindfulness. I don’t remember it too much though I did use it decades ago. It was tricky because telling myself to stop made me think more on it. It’s like one of those trick images, face or vase. It was more helpful for me to try and focus on both rather than tell myself it was not one or the other. I don’t know if that makes sense. But seeing the whole and a more eastern focus helped me. I’m forever grateful that my episodes with the police were trips to the hospital instead of jail, they so easily could have gone either way.

Hugs, lady shadow we are with you.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I really do think there is need for reform, I just wish it would come fast enough! I am grateful for the things that I have, all in all it really could be worse. You do have more my friend! You have us! I know I am not here much, but if you ever want to talk I'm here for you. Hugs

Thanks, LadyShadow!

[divine1966]

You are doing so well and I am very proud of you. You are very strong and we are here for you Lady Shadow.

Justice system makes me sick. There are people who only spend a year in jail after the most horrific violent crimes. Someone was just let out after a year after originally being sentenced for 20 for the most horrible crime.

And here are people struggling with addiction and mental health issues AND trying to better themselves and doing everything they can to get better AND they get no reprieve. Sick

[Tart Cherry Jam]

I just want to say that I also would not go to a reunion if I felt that I was 80 lbs too fat for it, that I also find that CPAP is a godsend, and that I feel very much for you for being lied to, promised leniency and a credit for rehab and then....