Muddyboots's Miscellaneouses

MuddyBoots · Jan 01, 2024 at 06:45 AM

So I went to a party last night and now I’m the only one up. Totally me lol. I must say driving through cities at night with astigmatism after being forced to take Klonopin was probably worse than driving drunk on empty backroads at 3am for a few miles. I feel like I should eat all the leftover pizza haha but there’s like two left.

divine1966 · Jan 01, 2024 at 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

So I went to a party last night and now I’m the only one up. Totally me lol. I must say driving through cities at night with astigmatism after being forced to take Klonopin was probably worse than driving drunk on empty backroads at 3am for a few miles. I feel like I should eat all the leftover pizza haha but there’s like two left.

I am glad you had fun at the party.

Please don’t drive when impaired after taking klonopin. Astigmatism in a ok to drive with but you likely need to wear glasses. Is your vision blurry?

MuddyBoots · Dec 02, 2023 at 02:45 AM

Triggering TRig! (lol not trig just regular math) I can't do things unless I write them down.

Possible trigger:

It was actually more like 2 ativan Tuesday, 5 Wednesday, 7 hoursday, and 7 yesterday.

That's what the y get for screwing up my meds... my issue? Psh, like I give a damn. I did get sleeep though, although it's not like I can drive anywhere though so....what the **** was the point...
------------------

Since it's impossible for me to tell the difference between low blood sugar "I'm gonna fall" and "I took too many benzos" I'm gonna fall. I'm just gonna not eat today. Maybe some really light stuff[/TRIGGER]

felineangel · Dec 02, 2023 at 03:01 PM

I hope you'll be okay, muddy

MuddyBoots · Dec 02, 2023 at 11:25 PM

Possible trigger:

I SH'd and it needs stitches but I'm afraid if I ask S to take me he's gonna be pissed and refuse so I just taped it shut.

If I go to PHP would things be easier? All of our fights are about food. He keeps making food for like 6 people when there's only the two of us and I don't eat any of the crap he makes. I mean not all the fights are about food but most of them are.

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 03:05 AM

I am so SICK of this SHYT.
I am doing PHP.
I don't want to deal with "don't eat this don't eat this don't eat that" "that'll make you fat" "you need to be this number to be worth living" "you don't deserve to take up as much space as you do..." etc etc. anymore. I don't want to deal with eating a weeks' worth of grocerys in 40 minutes and the nspending the next hour hunched over a toilet saying "gross gross get it out of me get it out get it tout!"

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to deal with the passing out and the shaking and the fights and the hiding and everything.

I wanna start now. I can't start now. I wanna die.

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 03:21 AM

Possible trigger:

I wanna take another 48mg of lorazepam

let me fly to oblivion

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 03:22 AM

I feel the weight and it's freaking me out aI just want it gone I want it gone so badly

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 03:25 AM

If anyone cares about me here, you don't. You really don't. I am an evil monster and if you really knew you you'd know I would destroy you like I destroy everybody.

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 03:26 AM

I just wanna run far away from here. Far away from myself.

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 03:40 AM

I should probaly get stitches

raspberrytorte · Dec 03, 2023 at 05:43 AM

I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now muddy. I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm also dealing with my own demons at the moment. It's different of course, but demons non-the-less. I've never dealt with an ED.

I think PHP is a good idea for you.

If I took that much Ativan I'd be hallucinating like crazy! Ativan makes me hallucinate for some reason.

I just took 150mg of hydroxyzine and 20mg of diazepam and am feeling pretty good. Yay.

I sleep like **** too. Though melatonin has helped to an extent. Have you tried melatonin? I still only sleep three to four hours but wake up feeling rested.

Anyway, 🫂 .

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 05:48 AM

I just took some valium and it feels like it has fenttanyl in it. I told ssoimproably homeless again

raspberrytorte · Dec 03, 2023 at 05:54 AM

Where'd you get the valium?

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 08:56 AM

some dude

raspberrytorte · Dec 03, 2023 at 09:19 AM

Don't get diazepam from sketchy dudes!

MuddyBoots · Dec 03, 2023 at 11:35 AM

i aint fraid no elephant tranqs

raspberrytorte · Dec 03, 2023 at 12:35 PM

Why do you need it anyway if you have Ativan?

raspberrytorte · Dec 03, 2023 at 12:36 PM

I mean.... yes, Ativan sucks, but they're both benzos.

raspberrytorte · Dec 03, 2023 at 12:36 PM

No offense to Ativan. Lol. But I had the worst trip of my life on Ativan!

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Muddyboots's Miscellaneouses

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felineangel Account Suspended Member Since Jul 2023 Posts: 614 (SuperPoster!) 529 hugs given	Dec 02, 2023 at 03:01 PM #4 I hope you'll be okay, muddy
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 03:21 AM #7 Possible trigger: I wanna take another 48mg of lorazepam let me fly to oblivion __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 03:22 AM #8 I feel the weight and it's freaking me out aI just want it gone I want it gone so badly __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 03:25 AM #9 If anyone cares about me here, you don't. You really don't. I am an evil monster and if you really knew you you'd know I would destroy you like I destroy everybody. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 03:26 AM #10 I just wanna run far away from here. Far away from myself. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 03:40 AM #11 I should probaly get stitches __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 05:48 AM #13 I just took some valium and it feels like it has fenttanyl in it. I told ssoimproably homeless again __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,605 9 5,096 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 05:54 AM #14 Where'd you get the valium? __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 08:56 AM #15 some dude __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,605 9 5,096 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 09:19 AM #16 Don't get diazepam from sketchy dudes! __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,356 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,945 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 11:35 AM #17 i aint fraid no elephant tranqs __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,605 9 5,096 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 12:35 PM #18 Why do you need it anyway if you have Ativan? __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,605 9 5,096 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 12:36 PM #19 I mean.... yes, Ativan sucks, but they're both benzos. __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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raspberrytorte Insert Smiley Face Member Since Mar 2015 Location: USA Posts: 5,605 9 5,096 hugs given	Dec 03, 2023 at 12:36 PM #20 No offense to Ativan. Lol. But I had the worst trip of my life on Ativan! __________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days.
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