Bipolar Check-In #78

Still have the flu . Canceled my therapist appointment for tomorrow morning. We rescheduled for Monday. I certainly hope I'm better by then. I'm getting my *** kicked!

Having an up and down day. Sometimes my husband is good and sometimes he is not. Questioning myself if I can take this relationship or not. I love him very much, and I know he is not well that is why he acts out the way he does, but it takes its toll on my own mental health.

Don't know how much more I can take if I am being honest with myself.

I was hoping my therapist would move our session to telehealth and I got an email this morning that she was in fact moving it to virtual because she was sick. She was all apologetic and stuff but I told her it wasn't a problem and that I wasn't feeling 100% either.

I feel fine now, just a bit tired, but I'm still glad its virtual today. My PT caused intense pain, and my vaccines caused bad side effects. I'd rather do this appointment safe in my bed and then cancel next weeks therapy appointment and get a break from all this ****.

I’m soooo proud of myself. I needed to return some things to the sore in Rochester. I hate driving there. It’s much bigger and always under construction. But the things I get on line have to be returned to the store. It’s an hour away and major traffic. But I did it. The map made it look easy. And getting there was easy. It was trying to find my way back to the highway that was hard. But I did eventually make it. My sister tells me you have to go north to access the south highway! The only thing is I forgot my phone! But I did it and got home in daylight on a good day. Tuesdays and Thursdays are supposed to be safer days to travel. And between the rush hour traffic. I’ve been putting that off for weeks. Yay
,

Whew day almost over.
One group to do today and one
Pre
Tomorrow and weekend will
Be here.

Gonna focus on finishing my gift wrapong

Depakote should come with a “don’t drive” warning. I am sooooo out of it!

After my panic attack at work yesterday Ive booked in to see me gp today. I’m going to ask for more Valium but that stuff is so difficult to get here. I need 2mg. I’m not asking for much and I haven’t had it prescribed since March last year. Here’s hoping he will listen to me. I don’t abuse it and only use it under extreme anxiety situations. Please hold thumbs for me that I am given something.

Speaking of not driving, I got groceries this afternoon. I was out of everything.

NOOOOOOO the gp would not prescribe Valium. He doesn’t believe in the stuff.

Have you tried propranolol? It's a beta blocker, so it's not addictive or anything, and it helps with panic attacks. Your GP may be open to that. Or hydroxyzine? (Does **** for me, but works for some people.)

My actual liver doctor- not the nurse practitioner I’ve been seeing- wrote me back about my concerns about Depakote. He says yes it can cause liver damage but it’s reversible and he’s fine with me taking it for 15 days. My Pdoc wants to see me Monday in her office. She says my side effects are normal for someone just starting Depakote. Being mentally ill and advocating for yourself is exhausting!

Feeling a little weird these days. I could probably use a tweak in my medicine but it means seeing my doctor which I am relunctant to do. I need to get back into therapy... I need to do a lot of things I just dont have the energy for.

I had an appointment with the pdoc that oversees TMS and ECT. He said I could try both if I wanted, or just one or the other - it's up to me.

He said that I would need bilateral ECT and that there's an option for deep TMS, which is totally new according to him. Both need a commitment of 6 weeks.

I'm leaning toward ECT since it seems to have a longer history and seems to work. But my family doesn't want me to do it. They said the same thing about ketamine. They'll support my decision even though they have an opinion.

Feeling low today but it's manageable. It's my anxiety that's giving me problems! I have been taking Klonopin in the evening but it doesn't help when the anxiety is really bad. I have to use my coping skills that I learned in the summer from IOP but it still takes a long time for it to pass.

I scored 80 on the Burns anxiety scale - basically extreme anxiety.

Burns Anxiety Inventory Calculator

I don't really feel good today. I just have low energy and some anxiety that isnt being helped with anything. And a lot of nausea. My mom said it could still be the vaccines and her side effects lasted a few days too. I just feel weird today in general for no reason.

That’s a pretty cool calculator. Mines all from the state of the world

i have not heard of this - might be worth me asking. I got some rescue remedy over the counter. psychological because its soft stuff and not prescribed aka homeopathic

I found out this week that lack of sleep makes my anxiety worse.

Yeah. I'm not currently on propranolol, but I was for years. My pdoc recently took me off it. It only helps with the physical feelings of anxiety (like fast heart rate, etc.). I always liked it. Hopefully you would too. Hydroxyzine is a prescription only antihistamine that helps some people with panic attacks. Also not addictive or anything. Could be worth a shot! Good luck.

I take propranolol. It's really good for the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Thanks it’s worth me looking in to

So sad and crying tonight. I left my husband and even though it was the right decision, I keep seeing his face in my mind. However, my symptoms are under control and pretty good considering the amount of stress I was under today. God is with me and showed me infinite mercy today.

@Scooter9

Sorry to hear your anxiety is so bad. I've been there. I hate anxiety more than anything. I hope you find relief soon. What dose of seroquel are you on? I find seroquel helps with my anxiety more than diazepam.

I just took this and scored a 26, which means I have moderate anxiety right now. It must just be my baseline because I'm used to it or something. But 80 is really high. Holy cow! You need to talk to your pdoc about a med adjustment, or does ECT help with anxiety? I don't even know.

Hi @raspberrytorte, yeah my anxiety score is pretty high. I got that score during one of my many-hours-long panic attacks. They're really slow and long lasting attacks.

I'm on 350 mg of Seroquel and I gained 25 pounds since I started it. I'm not sure if I can go higher.

I don't know if ECT helps with anxiety, but I guess if it helps with depression that anxiety reduces too. I'll ask my pdoc.