Bipolar Check-In #78

I am SO sick again. Oh my god. I have a nasty *** cold or whatever ****ing illness this is. I have a sore throat and runny nose and horrible hacking cough. I hate being sick. So BOOHOO. I took some cold medicine. It's helping some. (I DID NOT take sudafed!!!!)

I met with my pdoc today.

We discussed changing out Latuda for Vraylar - she's researching how to do the switchover since I'm already on 2 antipsychotics.

Does anyone know about an insurance debit card thing? I guess they put money on it each month for certain OTC stuff. Idk but it will come in handy if its legit.

I had about 5 hours of really bad side effects from the shots. Nausea and a headache and fatigue and vertigo. I feel better now.

I have this song stuck in my head about how somebody commented that the other person looks like Janet Reno. It was not a flattering comment. I told my mom about it and she was all like "thats not nice. Janet Reno accomplished a lot even if she wasn't attractive looking." Lol.

I got a lot done today. Loads of clothes and towels and sheets, all washed and put away, new sheets on the bed. Recycling done, garbage thrown. Dishes all caught up. Just have a shower left to do. That I’ll do before bed. Tomorrow I’ll vacuum and dust.

Just changed the air freshener to pine and as soon as it dark I’m lighting the candles and turning on the Christmas lights. Feels a bit more like Christmas.

Yesterday when I chatted with people in the community room I found out many of us with cars and plans on Christmas are not going if the weather is bad. So we were thinking of ordering a pizza and celebrating just the same. But so far the long range forecast says dry and above normal temperatures. So we’ve got plans no matter what Minnesota throws at us.

I’m not doing well. I’ve felt manic most of the day and I’ve been super irritable with everyone. I put a call in to my psych nurse practitioner but of course she never called me back. I can hardly describe the way I am feeling tonight except that solitude is not my friend. I picked up the Rozerem. Lots of bad side effects listed. Lack of sleep and mentally not being able to even get comfortable enough to sleep is really doing a number on my psyche. I despise the psych ER especially at night. The only thing grounding me tonight is a CD of Russel Oberlin singing Händel. His smooth vocal production is soothing. S.B. and C.S. have stopped responding to my texts. I’ve really gone and done it now.

Edit: S.B. called and we had a wonderful conversation about how I’ve been feeling. I cried. I feel like I’ve been having a life crisis. I didn’t know that so much was weighing on my mind.

My dumb covid and flu shot reactions came back suddenly. The nausea and some light headness and muscle aches. I took my blood pressure after feeling sick and it was 124/89. I waited half an hour and it was then 96/79. My mom says those numbers aren't bad.

I was hesitant to get the shots because I was worried about having reactions. Hopefully this is the worst it gets.

Mary Joseph Jesus and Moses does this suck. I can't get out of bed at all now. My mom brought me some Tylenol. Everything hurts

I'm hoping tommorow I'll be perfectly fine.

I feel like I did when I had surgery. I took tylenol and a dramamine. Maybe I need to eat. I haven't eaten much since lowering my topamax and going vegetarian. I've lost several pounds.

Yeah. Having actual covid with 2 vaccines and a booster was easier to deal with then this **** reaction I'm having. Triple tums, double tylenol, and double dramaimine and some of a pita bread aren't doing much.

The urges are so strong tonight I can’t do this

It feels like bugs are crawling on me. Satan is causing this by messing with my mind

Thunder storms. Blew electricity. No internet no iPad for my son. He’s been a pain. I don’t know how to entertain him.

Horrible night. Fell asleep with new drug okay but woke up again 3 hours later at 1 a.m. unable to sleep. Convinced myself that I was having a horrible reaction to the drug- angio edema- and then proceeded to have a panic attack. Oh that warm flush feeling of dread! I tried watching Netflix but I couldn’t after the panic attack set in. I called my Pdoc who wanted to put me on lithium! Several years ago I had lithium toxicity so I’m not going down that road again! waiting for another call back.

They put me on Depakote now. I won’t stay on it long term - I just can’t gain another 50 pounds! Still supposed to take the Rozerem.

I’m
At pcp
For
Follow up. My heart is mildly enlarged.
It’s always something.

Idk
If I’ll tell her
How bad
Immfeelignm

She called
Radiology at the hospital and they said my heart is normal.

She knew something was wrong so I opened up
She gave me vraylar samples to take til
I see my new pdoc

Just got to get through 4 hours of work today. My stomach is upset. Nerves I think. I got this.

I feel fine today. The vaccine side effects are gone. I got an automated voice message and then an email about rescheduling my pdoc appointment and it was just a dumb robot issue. I honestly don't care if I see the man on the 8th or the 24th of Januaray. I wish he would see me every 6 months instead of every 3.

I went out to eat for the first time since the summer. It was pretty good although it just sat in my stomach all day.

I see my therapist tommorow and I'm going on a trip Sunday and Monday and I just realized I am supposed to meet with her Monday morning. I'll have to cancel the appointment. I could use a break without any doctors or therapy appointments. I'm pretty fed up with appointments and I'd like to be able to enjoy my holidays

I guess I am still feeling it a bit physically. Kinda like how I was after my hysterctomy. Just a bit achy.

N1 is in the psych hospital in some other town. At least she’s safe.

I switched internet and TV providers today. I'm saving about $120 a month with more channels and better internet.

I have an appointment Friday to discuss ECT and TMS.

Feeling low today but it's manageable but my anxiety is way up, so I'm taking a Klonopin so that I have a decently relaxing evening.

Still waiting for details about switching to Vraylar.

I've been going through so much dramaine and pepcid that I placed an express order from walmart delivery. I have Walmart+ so I got free delivery and I didn't have to pay the under $35 fee. I gave the driver a huge tip for delivering 2 small items at night in the cold. But I really need this stuff.

I’ve decided to take the new Depakote script even with the liver warnings because it’s only for 15 days.

Didn’t make it through the day. Went home from work early. Massive anxiety. Heart rate 148 for over an hour. Back to normal now.

Been taking klonopin every night lately. Probably
Go ahead and take it tonight too. I went ahead and started the vraylar. I don’t wanna be in the place where I was last night. I haven’t been like that in years

I finally found out why I'm having this biopsy. The thing I have that makes me high risk doesn't cause physical symptoms like most breast cancers do. That's part of why they do so many scans. But anyway apparently the microcalcificaitons that have been increasing in number are a sign of that pre-cancerous thing. So they're doing this to see if I have to have another surgical biopsy.


Oddly I feel more calm than I did before I knew this. Well, Dr. Google knew anyway.

Managed to shower tonight. No urges to self harm so I was ok. Sure I smell better.

Wish I didn’t have to
Go to work today but alas
I am here. We have a potluck today. I brought homemade
Peanut butter cookies and Christmas
Punch

The Cymbalta is really helping me. No SI or depression since shortly after I started it.

I don’t know how but I’ve somehow managed to infect both eyes. It’s not pink eye - it’s something else. I’ve waited patiently for 9 days to be seen. My eyes are sealed shut when I wake, burn, sting, water - you name it. Hopefully I can take care of that today with my appointment.

My anxiety is sky high today. My med provider left the practice 12/6 and I won’t have anybody until 2/14. Fingers crossed for no emergencies.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day

my anxiety is sky high this morning and idk why. too much peopling at work i guess. im wearing my christmas vacactin shirt i found at goodwill today for our potluck