Bipolar Check-In #78

for post nasal drip, back years ago when I had this problem, saline solution is invaluable. It is not a drug and you can use however much of it you need. There are now lots of brands on the market offering it for children and adults. I think there are even saline sprays. You will feel instantly better when you use saline. It is refreshing. @Nammu

I feel decent today. I slept idk. 10ish hours. My sleep is improving. I had the energy to get some shopping done. My anxiety is ok and my moods are okish. I'm kinda down right now though. Physically I'm ok besides not being very hungry. Idk I guess I'm ok. I'm way better then I was before yesterday and especially on Sunday. The withdrawels are gone and it was probably caused a lot by the antibiotic. The sinus infection seems to be mostly ok.

Ugh. I'm so sick sick still. 😫 Now I'm getting a sore throat on top of the coughing and I'm feeling like ****. I've taken a turn for the worse. I don't know what's wrong with me! It's been over two weeks! I should be better! I'm starting to think that maybe urgent care isn't such a bad idea because this is just getting ****ing ridiculous. Like urgent care tomorrow when my husband gets home from work. I think I need antibiotics or something.

Wow two weeks is a long time. The NyQuil night time meds put me right. You really should be better by now. Urgent care does sound like a good idea.

I was so tired from all the activity yesterday that i took a nap before bed! As i suspected, my high mood has abated with the freezing weather today. It was 'feels like' -19 C (-2.2 F) when i got up, and i slept-in. Don't want to know what it was at dawn. Yikes!

I've spent the day quietly and started a new book which seems promising. It's "Deeds" by Joseph Amiel, an author my parents used to read. It's 36 years old but i am still enjoying it. It's nice to read a book written in a simpler time, before the Internet. Geez, i'm really getting old! The book i tried before this was "The Vineyard" by Barbara Delinsky and it was too tame and girlish so i abandoned it.

I'm a fifth of the way thru "Deeds" and it started with the grandfather in the early 1900s. It was educational for me to read the passage about The Great Depression. The economy holds such sway over our lives. I'll have to hope that there's not another financial catastrophe like that during my lifetime. Hmm... To listen to me you'd think i plan to live to my natural death! How refreshingly optimistic!

@Tart Cherry Jam:

Glad you liked my turn-of-phrase! We share an interest in the English language.

I guess I spoke too soon. That antibiotic almost caused me to go to the psych hospital though. But yes you guys were right about rebound infection or whatever. Now I'm blowing my nose and coughing and I have a sore throat. My brother in law did come over pretty sick on Sunday though. Mental health wise I'm still ok

I have caught a virus. I rarely do. COVID-negative but will retest tomorrow. I have this low grade non-migraine headache going and it is hard to think of anything useful.

Maybe Russia did drop a load after all and thats why we are all sick.

Just joking. I hope everyone feels better.

I had auditory and visual hallucinations late last night. Didn't know what they were until I woke my husband up. I don't know if they're just related to me being sick or what. Got up because I was scared and hacked up a lung for an hour, took 200mg of seroquel and some more Mucinex and went back to bed. Had the best night of sleep after that! Thinking about calling my pdoc's office though and asking if I can taking 200mg seroquel prn instead of just 100mg. Hallucinations are not cool.

Going to urgent care tomorrow morning after we drop our daughter off at school. I need antibiotics or something.

Idk man…idk…

Bout to call rapid response or some shyt cause I don’t feel like living. But on the other hand, do I ever??? People say if ur suicidal to go to the ER but like I don’t want to live in a ******* hospital because of CHRONIC suicidality.

And no, it’s not a med thing, unless y’all know of a med that fixes complex trauma and homelessness

Idk man… idk

Was a weird day - a friend of mine was just sleeping earlier and doesn't like daytime and didn't answer my texts to go to the gym this morning. Not only did I not go to the gym but I came home, cooked and felt even fatter than ever. I feel like this is a toxic friendship, if she is not going to get back to me because she can't get up because she likes nighttime better, then we can't really hang out can we?

My symptoms were directly related to this. I feel bad for her, but I feel like she can't commit to going with me, so I have to force myself to go without her. This is going to be tough; motivation is harder.

It sounds like you possibly wanted to use the friend as a fitness accountability partner, or just a fitness partner, but she is not a good fit (no pun intended) for this role. How about you join us on the thread opened by Unaluna: Weight Loss and Exercise #4 I have found it very helpful and when I exercise, I mentally draft the message I will post after the exercise on our thread. It really motivates me. @LadyShadow

@Tart Cherry Jam - good idea! I needed an accountability partner to go with me. It's almost like I can't go by myself, I simply won't go -that's the hardest part.

I will join that thread to help with this, thanks for the idea!!

I wasn't feeling very good today. But I'm not having an issue with the wellbutrin besides lack of appetite. Which isn't an issue for myself. I ate a mac and cheese pot pie and a tamale for a mid afternoon snack and lunch and then this afternoon I had therapy. I was pretty shut down and then she could tell I was off because I needed to eat. I swear these therapists don't get things half the time. She even typed something for her supervisor to look at because she thinks there might be red flags that my ED is coming back.

I mean, whatever happened to just wanting to lose weight to be healthy...

I think she has a point. You count calories to the last tiny calorie. You wondered yourself whether intuitive eating might be better for you. I think that you inquired about it because you realized that there was an obsessive quality to this calorie counting. This does not qualify as "just wanting to lose weight to be healthy". This is above and beyond that. If you have a history of ED, she is well within her right to be on high alert for red flags that it might be coming back. Better safe than sorry, she might be thinking.

Since I do not know your history, may I ask:
What kind of ED did you have? How long did it last and what were your symptoms? How was it treated? How long have you been in remission?

What makes you think that you are unhealthy at your current weight? Do you have bad labs or what? Are you out of breath? You seem to be exercising just fine, your blood pressure is mostly fine, so I am not clear what exactly makes you feel that you are unhealthy. BMI by itself is a bad predictor of health outcomes.
@Mountaindewed

I posted on my thread but the voices are really bad tonight! Incessant and insistent and vile!

Thats pretty much it. I just counted calories until I got down from 236 to 147 and then got labeled with an ED for calorie counting and 1300 calories a day I guess is food restriction?. People just got weird once I lost the weight.

Mental health people don't care if you gain weight but once you start trying to lose it then they have an issue.

I'm 210 now and I'd like to go back to 160 for self esteem reasons. My medical doctors want me to lose weight and be at 150

that is a really good weight loss! almost 100 lbs. wow! I can see how you would want to go back to a lower point that you were able to achieve in the past.

I think I have read somewhere that below 1200 calories is restriction. 1300 is at the brink. So you did not purge, did not do anything like that, and just got labeled with ED for successfully losing weight and for somewhat excessive, obsessive calorie counting?

Is this recommendation part of your medical record? Can you print it out and bring to an appointment with your therapist? or if you are on email, can you take a screenshot from your electronic health record and forward to the T?

Yeah pretty much my mental health team is just paranoid because I lost a lot of weight from 2016-2019 but it was done slowly and stuff