Bipolar Check-In #78

I finally got solid sleep and felt so much better today. I was able to laugh and have a conversation about more than "I feel sooooooo bad" and trying to fix that. I'm sure this isn't over, I've never had depresion change that fast so either I'm improving a lot or I'm starting to rapid cycle or the dreaded mixed. Maybe my depression heard the word "Seroquel" and decided to behave. Whatever, I'll take it.

I hope tonight is good and tomorrow still feels good. There is a chance that my Emsam just started working but it always is gradual and this isn't gradual.
=

Ironically I got out of the hospital for my last hospitalization 8 years ago today.

@Nammu

Sorry to hear about your cough. I know how frustrating that is! I hope you feel better soon.

@BeyondtheRainbow

Happy to hear you had a better feeling day. Congrats on eight years IP free. That's definitely something you should celebrate.

I finally got my insurance to approve my Lybalvi
Again! Stupid new year. Also
Renewed my drivers license online as
It expires this month. I have to get a new one next month after the wedding. It’s annoying!

I’ve had sever vertigo the last few days. My dr
Luckily gave me
Some
Meds
For it

Any chance you have COVID?

:
Nope, tested negative. Oddly I have no chest congestion, it’s all in my head the throat. I do need to get the stronger cough drops like my friend gave me this afternoon. His worked much better than mine did. But maybe I should test again? No fever, no muscle pain which I had when I got covid last year.

this is exactly what I experience. I did not have words for it. I have never seen anyone call it out with such a clear name. @JaneOnceMore

that is a big achievement: 8 years without inpatient stay

In a few days it will have been 6 years for me.

this seems like an interesting article about Melatonin, from Levels, one of the continuous glucose monitor companies.

How does melatonin affect metabolic health? - Levels

@Mountaindewed you take a whole lot of melatonin. Note how tiny the recommended dose it.

Going around NH picking up the shyt I left all over the state lol. My mom's, S's, my dad's, the respite center (they held on to some clothes n notebooks for me). Gonna donate a ton, keep the rest in the car.

I did some googling last night. My increased cough is likely due to post nasal drip. I never thought the cold got severe enough for the NyQuil I bought. But I opened it last night and it was amazing. The coughing stopped and I was able to sleep. The cough resumed this morning but I’ll take more NyQuil. I have no place I need to be so if I’m sleepy that’s ok.

I do need to get out to find the stronger cough drops. But I’m not worried anymore. Yay, google!

for post nasal drip, back years ago when I had this problem, saline solution is invaluable. It is not a drug and you can use however much of it you need. There are now lots of brands on the market offering it for children and adults. I think there are even saline sprays. You will feel instantly better when you use saline. It is refreshing. @Nammu

I feel decent today. I slept idk. 10ish hours. My sleep is improving. I had the energy to get some shopping done. My anxiety is ok and my moods are okish. I'm kinda down right now though. Physically I'm ok besides not being very hungry. Idk I guess I'm ok. I'm way better then I was before yesterday and especially on Sunday. The withdrawels are gone and it was probably caused a lot by the antibiotic. The sinus infection seems to be mostly ok.

Ugh. I'm so sick sick still. 😫 Now I'm getting a sore throat on top of the coughing and I'm feeling like ****. I've taken a turn for the worse. I don't know what's wrong with me! It's been over two weeks! I should be better! I'm starting to think that maybe urgent care isn't such a bad idea because this is just getting ****ing ridiculous. Like urgent care tomorrow when my husband gets home from work. I think I need antibiotics or something.

Wow two weeks is a long time. The NyQuil night time meds put me right. You really should be better by now. Urgent care does sound like a good idea.

I was so tired from all the activity yesterday that i took a nap before bed! As i suspected, my high mood has abated with the freezing weather today. It was 'feels like' -19 C (-2.2 F) when i got up, and i slept-in. Don't want to know what it was at dawn. Yikes!

I've spent the day quietly and started a new book which seems promising. It's "Deeds" by Joseph Amiel, an author my parents used to read. It's 36 years old but i am still enjoying it. It's nice to read a book written in a simpler time, before the Internet. Geez, i'm really getting old! The book i tried before this was "The Vineyard" by Barbara Delinsky and it was too tame and girlish so i abandoned it.

I'm a fifth of the way thru "Deeds" and it started with the grandfather in the early 1900s. It was educational for me to read the passage about The Great Depression. The economy holds such sway over our lives. I'll have to hope that there's not another financial catastrophe like that during my lifetime. Hmm... To listen to me you'd think i plan to live to my natural death! How refreshingly optimistic!

@Tart Cherry Jam:

Glad you liked my turn-of-phrase! We share an interest in the English language.

I guess I spoke too soon. That antibiotic almost caused me to go to the psych hospital though. But yes you guys were right about rebound infection or whatever. Now I'm blowing my nose and coughing and I have a sore throat. My brother in law did come over pretty sick on Sunday though. Mental health wise I'm still ok

I have caught a virus. I rarely do. COVID-negative but will retest tomorrow. I have this low grade non-migraine headache going and it is hard to think of anything useful.

Maybe Russia did drop a load after all and thats why we are all sick.

Just joking. I hope everyone feels better.

I had auditory and visual hallucinations late last night. Didn't know what they were until I woke my husband up. I don't know if they're just related to me being sick or what. Got up because I was scared and hacked up a lung for an hour, took 200mg of seroquel and some more Mucinex and went back to bed. Had the best night of sleep after that! Thinking about calling my pdoc's office though and asking if I can taking 200mg seroquel prn instead of just 100mg. Hallucinations are not cool.

Going to urgent care tomorrow morning after we drop our daughter off at school. I need antibiotics or something.

Idk man…idk…

Bout to call rapid response or some shyt cause I don’t feel like living. But on the other hand, do I ever??? People say if ur suicidal to go to the ER but like I don’t want to live in a ******* hospital because of CHRONIC suicidality.

And no, it’s not a med thing, unless y’all know of a med that fixes complex trauma and homelessness

Idk man… idk

Was a weird day - a friend of mine was just sleeping earlier and doesn't like daytime and didn't answer my texts to go to the gym this morning. Not only did I not go to the gym but I came home, cooked and felt even fatter than ever. I feel like this is a toxic friendship, if she is not going to get back to me because she can't get up because she likes nighttime better, then we can't really hang out can we?

My symptoms were directly related to this. I feel bad for her, but I feel like she can't commit to going with me, so I have to force myself to go without her. This is going to be tough; motivation is harder.

It sounds like you possibly wanted to use the friend as a fitness accountability partner, or just a fitness partner, but she is not a good fit (no pun intended) for this role. How about you join us on the thread opened by Unaluna: Weight Loss and Exercise #4 I have found it very helpful and when I exercise, I mentally draft the message I will post after the exercise on our thread. It really motivates me. @LadyShadow

@Tart Cherry Jam - good idea! I needed an accountability partner to go with me. It's almost like I can't go by myself, I simply won't go -that's the hardest part.

I will join that thread to help with this, thanks for the idea!!

I wasn't feeling very good today. But I'm not having an issue with the wellbutrin besides lack of appetite. Which isn't an issue for myself. I ate a mac and cheese pot pie and a tamale for a mid afternoon snack and lunch and then this afternoon I had therapy. I was pretty shut down and then she could tell I was off because I needed to eat. I swear these therapists don't get things half the time. She even typed something for her supervisor to look at because she thinks there might be red flags that my ED is coming back.

I mean, whatever happened to just wanting to lose weight to be healthy...

I think she has a point. You count calories to the last tiny calorie. You wondered yourself whether intuitive eating might be better for you. I think that you inquired about it because you realized that there was an obsessive quality to this calorie counting. This does not qualify as "just wanting to lose weight to be healthy". This is above and beyond that. If you have a history of ED, she is well within her right to be on high alert for red flags that it might be coming back. Better safe than sorry, she might be thinking.

Since I do not know your history, may I ask:
What kind of ED did you have? How long did it last and what were your symptoms? How was it treated? How long have you been in remission?

What makes you think that you are unhealthy at your current weight? Do you have bad labs or what? Are you out of breath? You seem to be exercising just fine, your blood pressure is mostly fine, so I am not clear what exactly makes you feel that you are unhealthy. BMI by itself is a bad predictor of health outcomes.
@Mountaindewed