Bipolar Check-in #79

Sorry.

Guess my new at the time pdoc lied to me when my prior pdoc dropped me like a hot potato—him claiming it was patient abandonment as I was without meds and ended up IP after being in the ICU purely because no access to my meds.

Either way it doesn’t matter because dewed isn’t going to be without a pdoc.

My pdocs nurse called early this morning. She said he said not to make any changes until I talk with him. And if I keep doing it I'll have to find a new pdoc. So I haven't gotten fired yet. But I'll probably get my *** kicked at my next appointment. I've been doing really well today with my anxiety and agoraphobia. Despite a wardrobe malfunction and my jeans not fitting right. I haven't gotten any looks from anyone today even if I am considered a bigger guy now. I still pass as male. In the morning I'll go out for better fitting jeans. I found a few hoodies and shirts at the thrift store. Wearing my glasses makes my physical symptoms basically dissapear.

Well we’re looking at 4 days til wedding day! I completed my application to my new school. It d essays eek ! Need to get busy packing

Falling, falling, falling. My husband went on two drug binges in the past two weeks. His community residence is kicking him out and he is going to be sent to a homeless shelter. Blocked all numbers that's not in my contacts so he can't call me. I know it's the right thing to do, but I am suffering. I am so empty, I am so fat and disgusting and I hate myself so much. I am sinking.

I haven't posted for a while. I've been a bit up and down but mostly stable. Down or up when I get slightly triggered. I need to guard myself better. Take better precautions against getting triggered. Haven't seen therapist for quite a while and I'm probably way overdue. See my pdoc next month. Don't really think there will be any med changes. Anticipating to stay on Abilify (antipsychotic) and 2x Antidepressants (Cymbalta and Brintellix). Yeehaa.

@Moose72:

I hope the haircut goes well! A good haircut can make a huge difference!

I have an appointment for Thursday to get an industrial piercing at the shop N1 got hers. Their site says you must wear a mask and also, if it’s a piercing under the mask you must show your vaccination card. I’m not sure where my vaccination card is. I HOPE it’s in my mom’s safety deposit box. Maybe I won’t need it because an industrial is pierced twice through your upper cartilage , but I will call and ask tomorrow. I am also waiting on my doctor to sign a form stating that I am on blood thinners but am ok to get pierced. This is my birthday present to myself! My mom is getting me a hair cut and it’s set for the day after my birthday.

I want it at least shoulder length. It’s maybe six inches longer than that now.

So I've been off Seroquel for 4 days now, after tapering to 50mg and then stopping.

My sleep has changed, I now sleep between 5 - 6 hours when my usual is 9. I feel tired so I'm not getting enough sleep. My pdoc says we'll not treat it just yet because of what else we're doing now.

I'm coming off Latuda and switching to Vraylar. First week I reduce Latuda by 40mg, then second week, reduce another 20mg and start Vraylar. Third week, stop Latuda and stay on Vraylar and maybe increase the dose, depending how I do on it.

I guess I take Vraylar right before bed, is that right? I'll also check with my pdoc.

@Moose72:

Wow, that's a lot of hair! We must call you "Rapunzel"! I shaved my head 18 months ago and it is just now growing into a proper pageboy. My hair grows super slow.

The part that will be cut is what was colored a year ago. I should be all natural in the color department afterward. I’d like my hair easy to wash but I don’t think I’d look good with short hair.

I sorted out an administrative issue with my disability benefits today. It took five tries over the past couple weeks, but i finally reached the right person today and she took care of it promptly. Both of the people i talked to today were pleasant competent young women. Phone connections were good.

I appreciated it because i tried to sort out technical difficulties with a grocery site last week and the accents were terrible and the quality of the phone connection was poor and i gave up. So i'm happy to have that taken care of at last and know that my disability benefits file is all settled.

I wrestled with boredom today. I have that kind of irritable depression where you can't stand anything. I tried music and Netflix and Scrabble but i found everything unpleasant and ended up just mostly laying on the sofa like a drunk. Morning was miserable again today also.

But night fell and i felt better and not so restless. I find it a lot easier to enjoy my home after dark. During the day i just consider and reject going places over and over. But after dark i'm fine. I do like the sun, but i actually don't like the Spring time change and welcome the early dark in the Fall time change.

Hugs to all!

I slept 6 hours again last night, so that's 4 nights in a row.

It's not a little, but not my regular sleep though...I usually get 9 or 10 hours. I'm tired so it's obviously not enough.

My anxiety is way up, but my pdoc prescribed Klonopin 2 times a day, so that's good.

Looking forward to starting Vraylar starting next week, I'll hopefully feel a little better.

I have a question regarding head injuries.

Could there be lasting injury from that? Maybe it's contributing to my resistance to medication?

Had my fatty appointment with my GP this morning. She said I couldn't go on Contrave because of my psych meds, but prescribed me phentermine. Some diet pill stimulant appetite suppressant med. Not holding my breath. I just keep on expanding and EXPANDING. Anyway, so I'm starting that tomorrow morning. We'll see how it goes. Again, not holding my breath. I've sorta given up. I'm taking daily walks and don't eat that much so I don't understand why I just keep on expanding and EXPANDING. It's getting ridiculous.

The wellbutrin is really kicking in. I got so much done today because my energy levels were good. My appetite is basically non existent though. I haven't lost any weight but my agoraphobia and anxiety are a lot better so I feel more confident going out of the house. I know I should probably eat something so my therapist doesn't yell at me about starvation mode tommorow. I've had stuff today but I've pretty much had to force myself to eat and I haven't had anything in hours. I hope some weight starts to come off.

My doctor said I would have anxiety and I did at first but now I'm ok. Wearing my glasses still is taking care of my gastro issues.

I've started slowly going back on Facebook and interacting with my family again.

I'm kind of excited about this guy in my support group. We've had a couple moments of connection. Trying not to make a big deal out of it tho. Anyways, it's lifted my mood and i enjoyed Scrabble for the first time in a long time tonight. I played competitively against other humans, instead of just playing the weak, dumb bots, like i have been for a while now. I had a good time even when i lost. It was fun. I had a nice time listening to music too, this playlist Spotify made for me. It's nice to feel a little better!

I only wokr today ths week as im offf tomorrow for weddin preparations. ugh so much to do plus im workingon moving too

My new med came an hour ago. And I called my doctors office and the receptionist said a nurse educator can show me how to inject it tommrow at 9. So thats good. I had to switch therapy to remote in case it came while I was gone. I didn't know if I had to sign for it and I didn't want several $ worth of meds just sitting on my front porch.

My nephews and niece have been here all day. And I had an ENT appointment which got cancelled by a rude receptionist so my brother in law is bringing over the dinner he didn't bring over on Monday. I'm not in the mood for ribs and mashed potatoes. Or for even more hoopla. But maybe after therapy I"ll feel better.

But I got up right at 5 and I didn't hesitat with taking a shower or brushing my teeth. Wellbutrin gives you energy for sure. I've taken a shower 3 times this week which is the most times I've showered in a week since last year sometime.

well there was a tornado close to my house just a few minutes ago. im a work so i called to check o granny

I got the piercing! I’ll see if I can post a photo here….

This is my new piercing! Sorry it’s sideways!

Now I am positive my pdoc is gonna fire me because I fluked up and can't tell time. I thought 3 months was march 8th. But its april 8th. I tried refilling a prescription too soon. I had a lot so I know it seemed weird but I legit thought I could get it on the 8th and now Geodon is a tier 4 so I didn't want to run out in case I had an issue.

But yeah... I think I just sealed my fate. My therapist said my pdoc is being an asshole and I'm doing amazing on 150 Welbutrin and 75mg Lamictal

I'm not excited to give myself a shot in my stomach, but its better then some other places.

It looks like my prescription that my pdoc ordered on Tuesday finally got filled today. They usually fill prescriptions the same day.

I'll pick it up tomorrow after the gym. Starting to taper off Latuda and on with Vraylar. So I'm on one less med: Seroquel.

I've been having diarrhea for the past 2 days. Not sure if it's med-related.

Idk. I feel like barfing.

I've had an unpleasant day, but i like to sleep-in, and this morning i couldn't because my building was testing the fire alarm. I had to get up early to let staff in to test my smoke detector. Luckily it's working fine, so it went smoothly. But i feel sickish from the early morning.

I'm getting discouraged about my depression which doesn't show any signs of easing even tho Spring is here. Temperatures are above freezing and the snow is all gone but i'm still just moving from my bed to my sofa. That's my day.

I even gave up on grocery shopping today (even ordering groceries online there are insurmountable obstacles) and decided just to live out of the convenience store in the building, like my neighbor who gets dialysis and is in a walker does. Yet another activity of daily living i can no longer do.

Maybe it's too early in the Spring. Or maybe this is just how it's gonna be from now on. It's lousy. It's been a bad day tho, so i won't panic. I felt better yesterday. My ZOOM support group was intolerable so i quit. Just unacceptably bad.