Bipolar Check-in #79

I finally got to sleep at 1. Then I slept until 7. So it wasn't too bad of a night. I feel good today in a non manic way. I think I just am legit feeling better for the first time in awhile from my stomach stuff. I think the probiotic is making a big difference. I had the energy to take a shower today and I made some fries in the oven and I did the dishes. My anxiety and moods are good. I haven't thrown up since 7AM yesterday. I look a lot less bloated too.

@Mountaindewed

That's great!

Called my surgeon's office and spoke with a nurse. She said I could do sit-ups, but that I should start small, like with 20 a day (yeah right. How about 200!). She said I wouldn't tear my mesh, so that's good. She said that my fifty pound weight gain is probably from not exercising for almost a year. Gotta whip this body back into shape! No problem. 😊 Especially now that my mind is at ease about my hernia. I'm happy I called.

Went out for lunch with husband. Well, I ate before we left and just had three diet cokes but my husband got food and I have to say it looked delicious! Much better than my plain baked potato and cup of watermelon I had beforehand. But I must stick to the diet.

I'm making more progress with my novel planning!

Just took my afternoon anti-anxiety pills. Hoping they make me sleepy so I can get some rest. If not, I may have no choice but to take a stupid seroquel. I'm going up and up and UP. My husband commented on it. He said, "You're getting manic. I can tell because you're not sleeping, excited and inspired."

I'll be fine though. 🙂 No problems. I want to fly.

raspberrytorte, I think you should listen to your husband. Reading your posts, I think he may be right. Sorry about that. You don't want to mess with mania. Fun at first, but the crash sucks big time.

Spring is here and it's so unusual to not be hypomanic. I've been hypomanic in Spring for most of my life (57). I haven't been hypomanic since the Summer of 2022. Perhaps this is the new normal?

I gave up on playing Scrabble competitively online against other humans. At first my rating rose and i thought my game was in good shape. But then it took a deep dive. I lost about 15 of my last 20 games. It was unpleasant. I figure i just had stellar luck at first, but really my game has deteriorated quite a bit.

So i'm back playing the dumb bots again now. I figure since i'm not playing at club anymore, there's no need to redevelop my game. It's just to have a nice time doing something i am good at and feel better about myself, to pass the time and exercise my mind. There's no need to be so intense about it.

Hugs to all who need them!

I saw the pdoc today. He's putting me back on Cymbalta. I had been on it but was taken off it in December. I really hope this helps. My depression has been pretty bad lately, and I'm afraid I'll end up in the hospital if it doesn't get better.

My class were soooo bad on Monday I was in tears in the assistant principal’s office yesterday. He told me they’re splitting up the class in about 5 weeks time because they’re a known problem to all teachers and they have to break kids up.

He’s coming to my class period 1 today today to reset some boundaries. Whilst I’m grateful it doesn’t really solve the problem of me having to teach them for the next 5 weeks.

Sunday I was in an absolute state of anxiety about Monday and it was 10x worse than anything I had experienced. Ughhh. I just hope I never have a breakdown in front of the class !

I don't know why but I am shakey as all hell right now. I had coffee dammit I can't even type but it was only one medium so idk. Maybe because all I ate in the past two or three days is a couple oranges and a pint of ice cream I split with two other people? What if I had some sort of significant physical or mental trauma given I hardly remember the past few days and I do remember getting elboewd in the face and then nothing until the next morning and been with practically strangers in who in the world knows?f I do have a black eye now but I don't think that's from the elbow because that was days back and I just saw it this morning. Could be delayed adrenaline rush from MA interstates

I am back in NH. Case manager called this morning and said I really need to show up tomorrow and have a chat with her and my therapist (supposed to have an appointment with T anyways). CM stressed I need to start getting my shyt together. She stopped saying "have a good day" like when she'd call in the morning in the past and now it's "have a safe and positive day." That doesn't sound as fun I don't want to go tomorrow. If I don't go I'll be the frustrating client that skips appoinments and proves they don't want to get better, but if I do go I'll be the frustrating client that shows up to appointments saying they want to get better but then does not try at all to not give into impulses in between sessions.

but I'm starting to think a lot of this is going to come back and I'm going to be scared shytless by all this. Maybe one day I'll care about my life and look back on this period and go to the opposite extreme and start hiding from threats and triggers/becoming avoidant?

edit: this city isn't nice to me. I already feel the bad feelings in my bones.

So high today I can't help it. My new relationship is taking off hard and fast with all the new experiences and sensations that a new relationship will give. Out of all the tears and all the pain I have endured the past 6 months, I think I am finally at a place of healing, and my ex is now a thing of the past. My sleeping pattern has been all crazy because of all the excitement with this new man this past week. It's electrifying.

More good news is that I spoke to my pdoc this morning and she didn't yell (in fact the complete opposite) that I stopped taking my morning meds. In fact she said that as long as I stay stable, I can just continue taking the 2mg of Risperidone at night. She even put on the table that we can discontinue the Lithium within the next three months because I am doing so well. I am so relieved. I am so scared of the long-term effects of Lithium.

I am flying high, but not in mania, just feeling happy. I told my mom today that I was so tired of being afraid of mania because I have been so happy, and things have been turning around.

Well I thought things were better. But I've been throwing up all night. I could make a second shrimp scampi dinner the way the noodles are coming out whole. Sorry if thats gross. Its just furthur proof I might have gasterperiris if I'm throwing up undigested food like this.

Overall I've felt down and anxious today but I had been taking zzquil and unisom for a few days so I got rid of that stuff since it was messing with my moods and my hunger.

I saw my therapist and she was nice. I asked her a few things that were bothering me. I also talked about remembering something bad in my past and how it would make me space out and I'd have to pull myself out of it. So we talked about dissociation and trauma a bit.

I don't have PTSD, but I've been through some stuff. Some therapist explained to me that you can have trauma and not have PTSD.

Idk. I'm just rambling now. Why is John such a dik to Chance on The Voice?

Time for a new thread! Bipolar Check-in #80

I'll ask for this one to be closed.