Bipolar Check-in #80

I'm glad it went well!

I'm trying to hang on as much as I can until tommorow. I was in a ton of pain and throwing up so I took an hour nap and now I just feel blah. Going to the bathroom has become painful and I've been silently thanking my PT for suggesting the stool. I told my mom last night I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled over my Grandmas grave my mom was all like "are you trying to give me nightmares?" I've just been lying in bed today listening to music. My $12 headphones came last night. They suck. But they get the job done.

I ordered a walking pad last night which is like a treadmill with just the walking part. I got a good deal on it because of Walmart+ days. I saved $210 I think.

But **** my stomach right now.

Sorry for complaning so much

Do Tums cause anxiety or am I just in general a wreck today?

I took a 5th Valium today. May not be the smartest idea but its still only 25mg. Not sure what stayed down either. I had some of Arbys potato cakes. Nothing is doing much. So I'm guessing it is nerves about tommorow. I got a call about my colonosocopy and what to do for that. I have to pick up some gross liguid stuff and hope I don't throw it up. I'm hoping its the kind I mix with Gatorade.

Right now I'm doing laundry and watching the news and listening to music and posting on here. I have energy right now at least.

Glad to hear the good news @June08! Definitely treat yourself to that iced coffee today. I am not sure about the tums @Mountaindewed, I am thinking it's nerves about tomorrow.

God, I got up out of bed at 2pm today. That is so awful! But I managed to get up, shower, make my bed, and get some appointments made for the week. Almost forgot to make my pdoc appointment, I am running low on meds! Ugh. It seems like a battle to remember all this stuff sometimes. Was very close to almost breaking up with my boyfriend last night, but I spoke to my long-time friend from New York today who deals with the same issues in her relationship, and she said I need to communicate my feelings more and don't run from things like I usually do. I am such a runner y'all it's not even funny.

Staying grounded today and trying to get things done. Girllll, @raspberrytorte - I know how bad you want that trip! Definitely don't go alone if you can help it. I took a trip manic as heck a few years ago, and it didn't turn out well at all. Still having thoughts of Giovanni; I don't think they'll ever go away.

My friend can't go either. This sucks. I NEED to see this band. My obsession with them as of late is overwhelming and I missed them in Chicago in March because I couldn't get anyone to drive me there, even after offering to pay for their gas, ticket and drinks at the venue. No one wanted to drive in Chicago. I think my obsession with them has reached unhealthy proportions! It's like a spiritual experience whenever I listen to them. I fear if I don't see them live I will perish.

Husband absolutely refuses to go. I offered dramamine. I offered a diazepam for the plane flight so he doesn't freak out (I have extra. It's not a biggie.). I HAVE to go. I am being guided. I'd rather NOT go to a foreign land alone though... the thought is kind of scary 😳 but I may have no choice. Can't let fear hold me back.

I've already been looking at flights. I have plenty in my 401k to cover this trip.

@raspberrytorte - You really need to think this through. You do not NEED to see this band; you really WANT to but that might not be best for you, the way you're sounding - obsessed with this trip, little sleep -hypersexual, depressed, hypomanic again. You could be heading into a mixed episode or if not that it sounds to me like you're already IN full mania, not just hypomanic.

I think you really, really need to reach out to your pdoc, especially if it's not too late before he retires. If he's already retired, call the new one, have your H beg them to get you in sooner because it sounds to me like you really NEED it at this point. And I mean NEED it.

What does your H think about your latest obsession with this band, the hypersexual stuff, your lack of sleep, etc.? How does he not drag you to the pdoc's at this point and insist the doctor see you now? I know my H would do that if I had all your symptoms in a heartbeat; he wouldn't have let it go on any more than a week, if even that.

Take care of yourself.

Hi all

I haven’t posted in a while.

Hope you’re all well.

I’m at the hospital for a check up with the neurologist after my mini stroke in March. Will find out in a short while if I’m cleared to drive. Fingers crossed. It’s been a long few months of my partner having to take me everywhere on the weekends.

Keep well and I will be back!

So emotional. So many emotions. Obsessing that the social security website is now moving to Login.GOV - and of course I can't get into it because it's my old phone number attached to it. UGH. I hate Giovanni so much that I had to change my phone number. I just hate him. Everything about him. I just hate, hate and hate everything right now. So irrational, so emotional, and so full of hate.

Haven't had a feeling like this in a really long time. All alone in my apartment with no one to talk to. So utterly alone.

Nice to see you back @Crazy Hitch, let us know how your appointment turned out!

Coming out of my pity party, just noticed @Crazy Hitch !! Missed you so much! Come and let us know how you're doing and everything!

@Blueberrybook

I can't get the idea of this trip out of my head. I'm like obsessed with the idea! I HAVE to see this band! I can't focus or concentrate on anything. I've been listening to them nonstop for eight hours straight. Right now I'm just laying in bed, listening to them, and trying to get some sleep, while waiting for Husband to get home from work. Husband said absolutely NO to me going by myself. I'm thinking about offering to pay for my friend's flight so she can come with me. I don't know what's wrong with me!

Before I felt Husband laying next to me and getting up, so I got up, but he wasn't there.

I hope he's up for some adult fun time tonight. ❤️ 😍

I'm not raving about saving the world with my positive energy or talking about negative entities and reflections or saying I can heal others with my thoughts. I'm just full of love ❤️ and obsession and lust and longing. I'm not running around the neighborhood at 3AM or seeing the stars moving in the sky or thinking I can control the entire galaxy. That's why he's not dragging me to my psychiatrist. I'm just hypersexual, obsessed with a band, getting little sleep, and unable to concentrate on anything because of the hypersexuality and obsession.

I might be feeling to good after my endoscopy. I was a little worried about hypomanic symptoms yesterday because my mind was all over the place and I struggled to sleep last night. Today, I've read a ton (which is something I did when I was undiagnosed), had a mind that was all over the place, felt like I can conquer anything, and can't sleep. Not sleeping is what concerns me the most because, ever since I was diagnosed and started meds, my sleep has rarely been significantly impacted. I'm wide awake and alert though at it's a couple of hours past when I am usually asleep. This will be uncharted territory with this pdoc if I have symptoms that involve little to no sleep.

If I'm up to long, I'll message my pdoc tonight already in hopes that he sees it tomorrow since he isn't in the office on Fridays. I might even double up and both send the message and call his office to make sure he knows I sent him a message.

Thanks @Scooter9 and @LadyShadow!!!

So the short of it is the neurologist can find no evidence of a stroke in any of the major tests I had done so he changed my discharge summary to “migraine”. And here I thought it was a stroke because that’s what the hospital told me I had! Go figure.

On the plus side I can drive now with no restrictions! Yay me.

Ugh. Went to bed at 10:30pm and got up at 1:30am. Just took a Seroquel. Going to try going back to bed if I can.

**** this pain. And trying that new brand of melatonin was a bad idea. I am so groggy right now I can't keep my eyes open. I have to leave in a few hours.