Bipolar Check-in #80

I'm glad it went well!

I'm trying to hang on as much as I can until tommorow. I was in a ton of pain and throwing up so I took an hour nap and now I just feel blah. Going to the bathroom has become painful and I've been silently thanking my PT for suggesting the stool. I told my mom last night I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled over my Grandmas grave my mom was all like "are you trying to give me nightmares?" I've just been lying in bed today listening to music. My $12 headphones came last night. They suck. But they get the job done.

I ordered a walking pad last night which is like a treadmill with just the walking part. I got a good deal on it because of Walmart+ days. I saved $210 I think.

But **** my stomach right now.

Sorry for complaning so much

Do Tums cause anxiety or am I just in general a wreck today?

I took a 5th Valium today. May not be the smartest idea but its still only 25mg. Not sure what stayed down either. I had some of Arbys potato cakes. Nothing is doing much. So I'm guessing it is nerves about tommorow. I got a call about my colonosocopy and what to do for that. I have to pick up some gross liguid stuff and hope I don't throw it up. I'm hoping its the kind I mix with Gatorade.

Right now I'm doing laundry and watching the news and listening to music and posting on here. I have energy right now at least.

Glad to hear the good news @June08! Definitely treat yourself to that iced coffee today. I am not sure about the tums @Mountaindewed, I am thinking it's nerves about tomorrow.

God, I got up out of bed at 2pm today. That is so awful! But I managed to get up, shower, make my bed, and get some appointments made for the week. Almost forgot to make my pdoc appointment, I am running low on meds! Ugh. It seems like a battle to remember all this stuff sometimes. Was very close to almost breaking up with my boyfriend last night, but I spoke to my long-time friend from New York today who deals with the same issues in her relationship, and she said I need to communicate my feelings more and don't run from things like I usually do. I am such a runner y'all it's not even funny.

Staying grounded today and trying to get things done. Girllll, @raspberrytorte - I know how bad you want that trip! Definitely don't go alone if you can help it. I took a trip manic as heck a few years ago, and it didn't turn out well at all. Still having thoughts of Giovanni; I don't think they'll ever go away.

My friend can't go either. This sucks. I NEED to see this band. My obsession with them as of late is overwhelming and I missed them in Chicago in March because I couldn't get anyone to drive me there, even after offering to pay for their gas, ticket and drinks at the venue. No one wanted to drive in Chicago. I think my obsession with them has reached unhealthy proportions! It's like a spiritual experience whenever I listen to them. I fear if I don't see them live I will perish.

Husband absolutely refuses to go. I offered dramamine. I offered a diazepam for the plane flight so he doesn't freak out (I have extra. It's not a biggie.). I HAVE to go. I am being guided. I'd rather NOT go to a foreign land alone though... the thought is kind of scary 😳 but I may have no choice. Can't let fear hold me back.

I've already been looking at flights. I have plenty in my 401k to cover this trip.

@raspberrytorte - You really need to think this through. You do not NEED to see this band; you really WANT to but that might not be best for you, the way you're sounding - obsessed with this trip, little sleep -hypersexual, depressed, hypomanic again. You could be heading into a mixed episode or if not that it sounds to me like you're already IN full mania, not just hypomanic.

I think you really, really need to reach out to your pdoc, especially if it's not too late before he retires. If he's already retired, call the new one, have your H beg them to get you in sooner because it sounds to me like you really NEED it at this point. And I mean NEED it.

What does your H think about your latest obsession with this band, the hypersexual stuff, your lack of sleep, etc.? How does he not drag you to the pdoc's at this point and insist the doctor see you now? I know my H would do that if I had all your symptoms in a heartbeat; he wouldn't have let it go on any more than a week, if even that.

Take care of yourself.

Hi all

I haven’t posted in a while.

Hope you’re all well.

I’m at the hospital for a check up with the neurologist after my mini stroke in March. Will find out in a short while if I’m cleared to drive. Fingers crossed. It’s been a long few months of my partner having to take me everywhere on the weekends.

Keep well and I will be back!

So emotional. So many emotions. Obsessing that the social security website is now moving to Login.GOV - and of course I can't get into it because it's my old phone number attached to it. UGH. I hate Giovanni so much that I had to change my phone number. I just hate him. Everything about him. I just hate, hate and hate everything right now. So irrational, so emotional, and so full of hate.

Haven't had a feeling like this in a really long time. All alone in my apartment with no one to talk to. So utterly alone.

Nice to see you back @Crazy Hitch, let us know how your appointment turned out!

Coming out of my pity party, just noticed @Crazy Hitch !! Missed you so much! Come and let us know how you're doing and everything!

@Blueberrybook

I can't get the idea of this trip out of my head. I'm like obsessed with the idea! I HAVE to see this band! I can't focus or concentrate on anything. I've been listening to them nonstop for eight hours straight. Right now I'm just laying in bed, listening to them, and trying to get some sleep, while waiting for Husband to get home from work. Husband said absolutely NO to me going by myself. I'm thinking about offering to pay for my friend's flight so she can come with me. I don't know what's wrong with me!

Before I felt Husband laying next to me and getting up, so I got up, but he wasn't there.

I hope he's up for some adult fun time tonight. ❤️ 😍

I'm not raving about saving the world with my positive energy or talking about negative entities and reflections or saying I can heal others with my thoughts. I'm just full of love ❤️ and obsession and lust and longing. I'm not running around the neighborhood at 3AM or seeing the stars moving in the sky or thinking I can control the entire galaxy. That's why he's not dragging me to my psychiatrist. I'm just hypersexual, obsessed with a band, getting little sleep, and unable to concentrate on anything because of the hypersexuality and obsession.

I might be feeling to good after my endoscopy. I was a little worried about hypomanic symptoms yesterday because my mind was all over the place and I struggled to sleep last night. Today, I've read a ton (which is something I did when I was undiagnosed), had a mind that was all over the place, felt like I can conquer anything, and can't sleep. Not sleeping is what concerns me the most because, ever since I was diagnosed and started meds, my sleep has rarely been significantly impacted. I'm wide awake and alert though at it's a couple of hours past when I am usually asleep. This will be uncharted territory with this pdoc if I have symptoms that involve little to no sleep.

If I'm up to long, I'll message my pdoc tonight already in hopes that he sees it tomorrow since he isn't in the office on Fridays. I might even double up and both send the message and call his office to make sure he knows I sent him a message.

Thanks @Scooter9 and @LadyShadow!!!

So the short of it is the neurologist can find no evidence of a stroke in any of the major tests I had done so he changed my discharge summary to “migraine”. And here I thought it was a stroke because that’s what the hospital told me I had! Go figure.

On the plus side I can drive now with no restrictions! Yay me.

Ugh. Went to bed at 10:30pm and got up at 1:30am. Just took a Seroquel. Going to try going back to bed if I can.

**** this pain. And trying that new brand of melatonin was a bad idea. I am so groggy right now I can't keep my eyes open. I have to leave in a few hours.

That's great news, @Crazy Hitch! I'm sorry you had to deal with the wrong diagnosis though.

@June08

II agree it is a good idea to see your psychiatrist if your symptoms go on too long. It sounds like you have hypomania. I know if I go too long without sleep, I go into full blown mania followed quickly by psychosis. I'm not sure if that is the case with you too or not. I hope you feel better soon. When is your next pdoc appt.?

@Lady Shadow
When is your next pdoc appt.? If you feel your depression is going on too long, you should call your pdoc anyway if you feel your next appt is too far off.

@raspberrytorte
Face it, you have full blown MANIA, not hypomania. Your symptoms are NOT hypomania.

Here is a list from Mayo Clinic of symptoms of FULL- BLOWN mania:
Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
Increased activity, energy or agitation
Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
Decreased need for sleep
Unusual talkativeness
Racing thoughts
Distractibility
Poor decision-making — for example, going on buying sprees, taking sexual risks or making foolish investment (SUCH AS suddenly SPENDING a lot of money on going to Amsterdam, going so far as to spend even MORE money to pay your friend's way on the trip). We all know how overspending is a sign of mania too.

Your husband seems to be your major support system. You almost never even mention your friend in all your posts here. Have you considered that? Your husband NEEDS to drag you to the pdoc. If I had your symptoms, my husband would call my pdoc and if the pdoc refused to see me, drag me kicking and screaming to my pdoc's office, insisting he see me, and if my pdoc still refused to see me, dragging me kicking and screaming to the psych emergency room ASAP.

The other symptoms you describe are symptoms of delusions and psychosis s, beyond classic mania symptoms. Those are not even see your pdoc ASAP symptoms but symptom to go to the psych emergency room.

Take care of yourself. I am worried about you. You NEED to reach out to your pdoc ASAP, you WANT to go to AMSTERDAM not NEED to go to Amsterdam.


On another note, I am curious. What is the name of this band you want to see should badly? Maybe I should check them out and see if I like them and want to add them to my Spotify playlist!

I am doing well and I hope not too well. I put on makeup again today, and I went for a 3 mile walk since today was a rest day from my couchto10K program. I am feeling happy about these accomplishments. I really want to get my stomach in shape, and I know walking and jogging helped me in the past.

Just over 1 million people the Houston area electric company provides for are still out of power post Beryl, and the power company serves around 6 million customers. This estimate does not include the total number of indivuals living/working at each location the electric company serves. People with well water instead of city water like most of the town my family lives in are out of water too. This includes my parents, my 91 year old grandmother, and my aunt & uncle & their 3 indoor pets. Please pray that they get power soon. When the power comes on they will get water again too. My parents at least have a generator they can run periodically to get water to bathe in, wash their clothes, run the lights & AC, keep the food in their refrigerator good. My grandmother & aunt & uncle lost all their food in their refrigerators and freezer. I am really worried about my 91 year old grandmother. She refuses to ride the car with AC with my mom or my aunt & uncle. She even refuses to have my mom even pick her up for a 5 min. drive to spend time at my parent's house while the generator runs & they have AC again.

@crazy_Hitch, good to see you back! Glad there's no signs you had a stroke, but it must've not been a good feeling to go so long having to rely on others for rides especially for an invalid dx (have kinda been there for a bit--atleast with the inability to drive-- and it sucked).

@raspberrytorte I agree with blueberry that it sounds like the hypomania has escalated recently. "I fear if I don't see them live I will perish"? Even if you don't literally mean not seeing the band is going to cause your death, it's still concerning that out of the blue you're willing to illegally give your meds to your husband to convince him to go with you. I don't know what band you're talking about (I'm willing to bet it's Sleep Token based on your answers in the "what are you listening to" thread lol), but chances are this isn't the last time they're going to play, and there will be other times when you're more stable to see them--maybe even without having to fly across the ocean. I think you said you found out about the concert yesterday? I would give it quite a bit more time before committing to it--preferably when you're stable.

---

I'm a bit upset because I had an interview today for a stupidly easy job (slicing meat lol) but you have to pass a drug test to get hired. Everything is out of my system except the weed I smoked a bit of a month or so ago, which is probably least harmful of everything, but stays in your system long af. Bought a freaking shirt for this interview and everything.

I have just overwhelming emotions @Blueberrybook - but my pdoc appointment is coming up soon, as well as therapy, so maybe I can come up with some solutions. I appreciate your insights though, a lot. Great on you for that 3-mile walk!

I understand you not being able to see the signs @raspberrytorte - usually when you're in it, and experiencing it, no one can tell you anything, I get it, I totally do. But you know people are worried for you and I am too - I like what @MuddyBoots said about your favorite band having more dates coming up, they might be playing closer to you in the upcoming months, so just hold out a bit longer. I know how much music means to us, but just don't go dipping into your retirement for a concert just yet okay?

As for me, I am really dragging my butt today. The new thyroid medicine could be affecting me a lot in an adverse way, I don't know. I know how you feel about your concerns @June08 - I feel the same EXACT way. I have been averaging 5 hours for nights in a row now, and also my emotions have been all over the place. Not exactly all over the place with thoughts like you described, but bursts of energy late at night - and last night my dreams were very, very strange, but I knew something good was happening. I do know how important sleep is though, and how we should really keep an eye on it.

So sorry about the job thing @MuddyBoots - you know what though? I would go for the interview anyway, especially if it's been a month already since you smoked the weed, you never know, you may get lucky! It's better to try at least, you might feel better about it.

I think hypomania is starting to set in. I think I triggered it. It's just I can't seem to lose weight lately, so I've been cutting my quetiapine in half lately, taking 150 mg a night instead of 300 mg a night. It's also that I have no energy on that much quetiapine. But today H today me I've been acting a little "off" lately and he is concerned. I don't want H concerned, but on the other hand, I wanted hypomania to set in. I feel good. I have energy to go walking. (In addition, the Cymbalta has reduced the tingling in my feet from neuropathy to almost nothing, so it's easier to go walking now. Hopefully, the Cymbalta is not the cause of the hypomania because of the effect it has on the neuropathy, and it's not taking the full dose of AP that caused the hypomania. I promised H I would start the full dose again tonight. Boo.) I want to do a ton of things suddenly like clean my closet of clothes that are too small, clean house, and am doing some overspending. But it's awful to have your emotions so blunted. I feel happy. I'm alive again.