Please help my future wife

I understands that you are lonely. But your solution to end loneliness by pursuing married women isn’t productive. To cure loneliness you might want to look for single women, not other men’s wives.

You can’t control what other people do or don’t do. You can only control yourself and your actions.

Also you need to understand that most cheaters don’t leave their spouses. You waste your time.
She doesn’t need help. She cheats on her husband. She might need help of a lawyer if she wants divorce but she likely doesn’t want that or she’d be long divorced

Look for single women

No it’s not impossible. There’s no way you “must” go for a married woman. No such thing

This.

We can't help you because bipolar is a mood disorder. It's not the crippling fear of change. Anyone can have a fear of change. That's not something special only people with bipolar have.

Unless she's manic, hypo, or depressed?

Is her husband abusive? Is she scared of him?

I asked before and Brian said she’s not in danger

Oh okay.

I m bipolar 1. I have been hospitalized more than 20 times. I have NO crippling fear of change. It's not necessarily a part of being bipolar.

I have been bipolar since childhood

Several things I know without the shadow of a doubt:

1-She was diagnosed as bipolar 20 years ago, is on medication, and sees her psychologist regularly.

2- She wants to leave and be with me so much it actually bring her to tears. She has a horrible, crippling fear of change.

3- I've read many books and tried to study bipolar the best I can. I now know that no 2 bipolar sufferers are the same. All of you show slightly different symptoms.

In Genevieve's case, self-medicating with alcohol gave her the strength and courage to face her fears up to 12 years ago, when she quit drinking.

She believes 100% that bipolar is what gives her this terrible fear of change. Like many of you, she copes by having a routine every day, and she is terrified that breaking her daily ritual will cause confusion and distress.

She is not playing a game, and she is absolutely sure I am the man she wants to spend her life with. I can't go into detail here, but she has proven this to me in ways that cement her commitment to me.

It fear, plain and simple. Fear of change, for a bipolar person trying to make a major life decision totally clear-minded and sober.

Another huge fear is her adult son. He's 31 and successful, living out of state. She fears that if she makes this change he will think she is drinking again and making a reckless decision. It could be very bad at that point for her.

All of her major life decisions until now were made using the help of alcohol. One of her biggest fears is that her family won't believe she is making this decision sober, and that is a huge problem.

The way her family sees it, she has a perfect life. Her 80 year old husband sleeps in another room and provides all the monetary support she needs. That is all the they see. They don't understand that a human being needs more.

With me, she has affection, real love, a lot less money, but the love and devotion she has always needed, and the intimacy we all need. Hell, that old man has never even kissed her in 13 years.

All she wants is a normal, loving relationship, but she has made nothing but bad decisions based on self-medication until now. She has never made a major life decision stone cold sober, and she intends to stay that way.

The fear she has, she sincerely believes is the result of bipolar. I think it is as well . Whether or not this is actually true is irrelevant at this point. The fear of change has her paralyzed and in tears.

How do you conquer this terrible fear?

With the help of a therapist and time, maybe anxiety meds.

Why should she change? If her h is 80, she only has to hold out a little while longer. Then she can have you and not be poor. Win win.

Not to be morbid or anything, but that's what I was thinking.

I thought that.

But she might have to wait 20 years. He might live long. He sounds healthy as he is still working.

I am a little concerned that she had no problem using a man for money but as he gets older she runs to a younger man to depend on. She might have to take care of her husband in old age but she clearly isn’t planning to do that.

Well OP is also much older than this woman. Is she going to bail as soon as he gets older and might need to be taken care of? Will he be posting why did his wife moved out in secret to live with yet another man. In 15 years OP will be 80 and she will be way younger, in her 60s. Will she look for a new man?

I wonder what this woman has that makes men wanting to take her on. Most men nowadays want equal partners. But this woman gets fully supported by men with nothing in return. Not even a kiss, plus she cheats on them. It’s strange.

The real question is, how can i get a job like that?! Maybe you have to join a union.

Another question is, WHY would you marry someone thirty years your senior? That's just gross. It's even grosser if it IS just for the money. I mean, that means when she was ten he was like forty! Ew. Who does that? Not to be mean or anything. It just seems icky to me.

He's the healthiest 80 year old I've ever seen. Fit and trim, his mind is clear, and in better health than most of us. That MF will live to be 100.

But I wouldn't want to be him. Fit and smart, lots of money, but his man-parts don't work. Prostate problems. He has no sexual desire or function, and they haven't even kissed since they met 15 years ago.

Now I have to say she just sounds like a real piece of work.

You need to move on.

I agree with this. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean, but marrying someone thirty years your senior just for money seems kind of icky.

well i can only speak from experience, i too have bipolar with anxiety and i do procrastinate ALOT and the thing that we have found works is to just do it! like dont tell her what youre doing just start moving stuff. when he does that to me at first i get mad and tell him to take me home but he always finds an excuse and so i kinda have to go along with it.I hope you figure out a way to help her

I'm taking all this advice to heart, and I appreciate your efforts to help me. We'll see.

Thank you, and I'll keep you all posted on my progress.

You only know from her that they didn’t kiss since the day they married. That’s likely a lie.

Wait what??? Men parts don’t work. Man is 80! What did she expect? So that’s a good reason to dump him? How gross. She has no values. One day you’ll be old and possibly not able to have that part work either. Would that be a good reason to dump you? There is more to life. This woman is a disgrace.

I was just talking with a coworker who is a wonderful woman but has hard time finding a good man. And here is a liar with no values not only get men one after another, they are willing to fully support her. Unbelievable.

Lol I’ve been always in the union and I work so much that I barely have any life. I must be doing something wrong.

>> She has been with him for 15 years, so he was 65 when they first got together. His man-parts had not worked properly since before then. He was looking for a young wife, and she was terrified of the responsibilities of living alone. She was a gal he could take to the casinos and he was her financial security. Its always been this way.

Now she is sober, and older, and her values have changed. She would rather be with a poor(ish) man that loves her and can give her the full life that she needs.

If they've never had sex because his d*ck didn't work, why'd she marry him? Just for his money? So she married a much older man she didn't love and could never be intimate with just for his money?

And now she wants to be with you because her values have supposedly changed and is saying her bipolar is preventing her from leaving this much older man? It kind of sounds like she's using that as an excuse. I mean, she has money right now from that much older man, is taken care of, and now she gets to have her intimacy needs met by you. Why should she change? She has it made (if money is all you really care about and don't care about cheating on your husband whose d*ck doesn't work).

If her values have changed, she’d not be conducting secret affairs and planning to dump a man with no warning. There’s no evidence of a positive change in values at all. Maybe she started value “men parts” more, but that’s not change of values

Some men might develop impotence at 65. It says nothing about their value as humans. There’s more to life. So now she’s sober and values “men parts” more? And chooses you because of your men parts? Why are you selling yourself so short. Why do you want to be with a woman like that?

I'm thinking that relationships come in all forms. Some marriages are open, so I'm not judgemental about the adultery aspect of this situation.

Having expressed that, I go on to wonder why the only solution is that she move in with you and marry you.

Is that just for convenience to eliminate the long commute? Suppose you were next door neighbors and you could get together in under 30 seconds. Would that be enough? If not, why not?

>>You people have given me much to think about. All of your comments have value to me, whether I agree with them or not.

When she married him, she was terrified of living alone. He offered safety and security and she was younger then. Younger , prone to self-medication, and with fewer standards.

Now, older and sober, she's changed. No longer in it for the money. I don't have any.

In a perfect world, she would move out, and get a divorce, but she has been looked after for so long, she doesn't know how to live independently.

She wants to be normal. Genevieve wants to marry a normal man, do things like a normal woman, and do ordinary things on the weekend. But she doesn't know how.

Due to self-medication , poor judgement, and bipolar, she has made a LOT of bad decisions. Hell, so have I. We both want this to be our first really good major life decision.

Maybe we are making mistakes, but we are doing the best we can with what we have.

If she can get over her crippling fear of change (and trying to do this brings her to tears, tears of utter frustration with herself) we can move forward.

She believes this fear of change comes from bipolar. I also believe this, and I have research to back it up. But regardless of the reason for the fear, it is real.

Thank you!
Brian