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#1
Jan 13, 2025, 09:58 PM
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When all your thoughts are violent towards yourself and others and any color that's there is just tricking you because it's a poison like "oooh I'm a cute little toad, ooops, now you're vomiting until you die."
What the F is this world and WHY do I have to be a part of it? Why do I get shyt for wanting out? Is it because I haven't had an abortion and am "a good person?" Does a good person cause someone to kill herself? Does a good person get into physical fights with family members? Does a good person enable those family members to their deaths? Does a good person scream for no fking reason other than the monster can't fit inside? What do you do when being waterboarded sounds like a better option than waking up in the morning?
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for." "Why not?" "Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them." "What, are you crazy?" "It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet," |
 raspberrytorte, unaluna, volsinchy
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#2
Jan 13, 2025, 10:38 PM
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I feel like a monster too.but intent is a big thing the step between wanting/fantasizing to do something and actions are two different things. You are a good person. Despite the fighting and all the **** you've been through. You can not cause a suicide unless you were actively helping and even then I could argue. Enabling is misguided love.
I know waking up is hard. Fighting is hard, it's okay to drift a little and come back, rest and recharge but don't give in.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#3
Jan 14, 2025, 01:20 AM
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The Borg have it right: Resistance is futile.
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#4
Jan 14, 2025, 03:34 PM
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How are you doing today?
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#5
Jan 15, 2025, 11:51 AM
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A day late, but pretty friggin bad. I no longer have a therapist so that's cool that my only warning was my inuition. They switched my meds monday (? I think. I don't know what days are) and I don't even know when I'll be able to try them because gotta <3 pharmacies
 Apparently two nights ago I went to the ER. I don't remember anything about that, but I have the wrist band and a bunch of lab reports in my email.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for." "Why not?" "Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them." "What, are you crazy?" "It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet," |
| June08, Moose72, raspberrytorte, unaluna, Victoria'smom
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#6
Jan 15, 2025, 01:02 PM
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I'm sorry is there anything we can do to help?
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#7
Jan 15, 2025, 11:35 PM
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Probably not, but I really appreciate the offer. You guys are the best
 I think I just need to work on...well, a lot. I don't really know where to begin right now.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for." "Why not?" "Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them." "What, are you crazy?" "It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet," |
| June08, Moose72, raspberrytorte, Victoria'smom, volsinchy
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