[MuddyBoots]

My sleep isn’t horrendous, unless I skip my PRN for sleep (then I straight up don’t sleep). But I just feel EVERYTHING!!!! It’s not even 10am and I’ve already been at 200% horny, paranoid, Rageful, actively suicidal, hopeless, grandiose, and dissociated.

(I did wake up to some stuff my man sent me this morning (videos n stuff on Facebook) but it was vaguely reminiscent of stuff my last partner would send without any “good morning” or actual conversation stuff other than him questioning if I am capable of using a microwave so…

Also yesterday the substance abuse was wild. But I’ve been wild ish for a couple weeks now. Today I just want to die because my workbook wanted me to refute the belief “I am incapable of a healthy happy relationship .” And I couldn’t.

[Victoria'smom]

It could be one or the other but my vote is on a little of both.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Today I just want to die because my workbook wanted me to refute the belief “I am incapable of a healthy happy relationship.” And I couldn’t.

A little off topic perhaps, but...

I don't see that refuting any given belief actually accomplishes much. What if you were to just go ahead and let yourself be incapable -- and have some healthy, happy relationships anyway?

This quote, which you might have seen before, is a great favorite of mine. Versions of it have been attributed to various people including Igor Sikorsky.

According to recognized aero technical tests, the bumblebee cannot fly because of the shape and weight of his body in relation to the total wing area. The bumblebee doesn’t know this, so he goes ahead and flies anyway.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by FooZe

A little off topic perhaps, but...
What if you were to just go ahead and let yourself be incapable -- and have some healthy, happy relationships

The symptoms above come out haha, that’s what happens

[Fuzzybear]

A little of both IMO. Thanks for sharing

[MuddyBoots]

Yeah, I'm thinking it's like 90% BPD right now. I have "psychosis" I guess in that there's paranoia, hallucinations, and this persistent thought that I'm immortal, but I feel closer to my "baseline" dysfunctional that's just amplified by situational stuff every now and then. I feel like if I justified the claim of being "in a mixed episode" I wouldn't have the moments during the day where I'm "okay."

I'm majorly splitting on that dude though right now. I said he has a sense of humor like my father did, but "milder" but now I'm thinking it's not "milder" since he kinda said since I wasn't swallowed like I should've been, I should be pushed down a huge staircase (I mean, he didn't overtly say it about me, but it was insinuated). He also cancelled our plans this weekend which is good because he said he was afraid I'd stab him a few weeks ago, and today would've been a day I'd be tempted (I jest.)