Can't tell if I'm forgetful intentionally or unintentionally

They added 2.5mg zyprexa to treat an eating disorder (that's not the issue right now--they literally did blood work twice that proved something linked to my pancreas is angry, but my follow up to my follow up to my pdoc is before my "follow up" with my PCP for that thing which isn't even something they scheduled it's something that's been on the books for months anyway). But either way, they're not happy I'm fitting in my XS's again.


I'm supposed to take the 2.5mg before dinner. I haven't taken it since I've been discharged. This morning I thought I'd get in trouble for not taking it so I crushed them up and rinsed it down the sink.

I'm also supposed to take 5 or even 10mg if I sleep less than 5 hours a night the following night. I've not gotten one night more than 5 hours and only took the PRN my first night back when it wasn't even technically indicated, but I woke up real early and they weren't doing med monitoring that day so I said eff it and went back to bed.

I think if they really wanted me to gain weight they wouldn't have put me on adderall and topamax (supposedly to artifically increase my adderall levels, for migraines, maybe a little mood stabilization, and because it's the only medication sometimes used for bipolar I don't scream "I'M LILITH NOT EVE!" when I hear it's name)

I can take morning meds, I can take night meds. Other than that...

If you're crushing it and putting it down the sink, I'd say, yeah intentionally. You can even set alarms on your phone to remind yourself to take it. I think the point is you are not wanting to gain weight even if you need to a bit. Not to mention, get stable.

That was after the fact though. I was supposed to have it before dinner and I already ate. Taking the zyprexa after dinner would be like taking a sleeping med once the morning alarm goes off. I just don't want to get in trouble for skipping it.

And I am in a healthy weight zone, and I don't think getting akathisia and diabetes is going to stabilize me.

I know I'm being a pita. I'm catching myself being bad, and I know it. I just can't stop myself right now. I'm sorry.

Have you tried setting an alarm on your phone to see if it will remind you to take it then (as well as to eat dinner)?

And I don't know, reactions to my meds have been different over time being put on even the same med again, maybe it's due to the dosages and what other meds I am taking. I never got akathsia going on Seroquel on and off maybe 5 times and then the last time, I got severe akathsia going back on it, but I stayed on it, and wouldn't you know it, within a month, the akathsia had lessened and gone away. Still it was weird, I'd never had akathsia in the past especially on Seroquel and yet there it was.

And you mentioned the Zyprexa is short term only, so it's doubtful you would gain much weight or get diabetes that quickly.

I have an alarm for my night meds.... that's not the reason I take my night meds....

ughhh I'll do it I'll do it

Can't do it. Nope nope nope.

I took the Zyprexa like an hour ago (and the Sucralfate). I can't do this every day. I don't think I can do this another day. No. It's not going to happen. I'm PANICKING. I might have to take my Klonopin to counteract zyprexa panic! There's a new one. But then I might get paranoid the klonopin wasn't klonopin and need the big zyprexa haha.

Okay, humored my way out of that one.

Not doing that again though.

Still panicky though

Might be another indication the ED is worse than you thought? Is your care team still trying to get you into someplace to help with the ED?

I actually asked my old pnurse why they couldn’t just put anorexic patients on zyprexa so they’d gain weight. She answered, “They wouldn’t take it”!

You’re probably right on that first part. I just remember being on Zyprexa, 200lbs, and struggling to wake up early enough to hike Mt Pemigewasset and cussing how tired and slow and heavy I was BECAUSE WEIGHT GAIN AND SEDATION ARE SIDE EFFECTS (the hike is like a 45 minute drive and should be a jaunt in the woods when normally I can do a single day Jefferson-Adam’s-Madison traverse which is one of the hardest day hikes in NH.)
No. It’s useless trying anymore. Already tried while IP and got nowhere. Got nowhere in 2023/2024 during that relapse. Got nowhere in the like 7 month search (I don’t really know, I stopped paying attention to my case manager telling me she didn’t get anywhere week after week after week and I stopped trying after google said I could drive to Rhode Island or pay a thousand dollars a day toeat lunch on zoom) in whatever relapse came before that.