At what point does it become "overspending"?

I feel like I spent a lot more this month than I did last month, and last month I thought I was loose with my money by buying some stuff for my violin.

This is like two days in a row I've gone shopping now. Yesterday I spent $31 and change on stuff like to put on the wall and hang my coat, soap (which isn't an IMMEDIATE need I have like 1/4th of a bottle of body wash they gave me left), chickpeas and spices, a blanket that's not going to be too hot (my current one will be) when it starts warming it (it's on and off too hot/cold and rainy right now), and a chair cushion (right now all I have is a metal folding chair to sit on). Then this morning I found a decent deal for a desk and chair combo and got that for $120, and then went out and bought $41 of clothes that actually fit (a bra--I already have three that fit decent enough and only one gets annoying by the afternoon, a light-weight hoodie and lightweight long sleeve for hiding arms for summer (already have two pairs of long sleeves that aren't going to have me dying of heat and one hoodie that's light enough to wear for short periods of time), and shorts that don't fall off(didn't have a pair of those before today though)). Also right before and after the hospital (between the 1st and 22nd) I bought $160 between food, feminine hygiene shyt, cleaning supplies/bed bug shyt, arts & craft stuff, a vacuum, a DBT workbook, and a storage bin.


Just feels like a lot of money when I was in a hospital for two weeks of the month.

But I guess as justification in April I just straight up didn't buy any food on my own dollar (I went the whole month off a $40 gift card I won and some stuff my neighbor gave me). I did kinda need the cleaning supplies/vacuum/bed bug stuff (that I probably didn't need but it has helped keep my sanity in check a bit). I'm getting use out of the DBT thing too.

My question is, what's the difference between "more than normal spending" because you're settling into a new apartment, have gone down 5 pants sizes in two months, and are recovering from throwing half of your stuff out for exterminators to treat your studio and "more than normal spending" because you're being impulsive and it's coming out of your bank account?

I usually haven't been a spender even in (hypo)mania (when I do it's more on activities like concerts and gas for random hiking trips a hundred miles away), and I was referred to a trauma center that doesn't take insurance but with the sliding fee Zoom therapy will be $25 (if I even get to do that, doubt I will because it's been a full business week since my discharge and haven't heard back from the social worker who will "call [me] sometime within the next couple days about it") and I assume that's weekly, so I want to make sure this isn't a "new norm."

I still have stuff on my shopping list too though. I have a pitcher filter that the filter needs replacing so should get that soon (which I have a coupon for! just have to find somewhere that has it), some new period underwear (have some old pairs I tried using for a lighter day so I wouldn't feel like I was wasting a full pad, but they're huge on me now), and I still want to get blackout curtains (and a rod for the curtains) so I don't have to be in the blinding light with a migraine (I have horizontal blinds, but they're more for privacy and don't block out light for beans).

I know it's nothing ridiculous like the time my dad bought 3 generators and $800 in slot car racing stuff in a month and I'm sure a lot of stories you guys have, but I grew up being told I'd be the reason the whole family is homeless if I wanted a certain snack or a toy or to go out and do something fun that cost money, and again, overspending was never one of my problems (unless you counted alcohol/drugs, but I feel like that's a different addiction and a lot of times I would do favors so I wouldn't have to buy it anyway), so spending over $350 in a month (not even counting the monthly stuff like that that's steady like rent, internet, healthcare/meds, etc.) when I wasn't even in the community half of it feels abnormal to me. But again, I'm still trying to make my apartment feel like a place I belong and like being in, so I guess it's okay?


I don't know. What do you think?

I suppose it has a lot to do with how much you need vs. what you can put off AND if spending it puts you into debt or near it. I spend more than I should but so far we can eat the costs though H still gives me talks about it. I'll do better a few months then downslide.

And heck, some months just ARE more expensive. I asked H how much I should spend on my nephew's graduation gift for his party next month, and he was like $100, and I needed more watercolor color choices, but I didn't go buy premium. When the cats need the vet or (God forbid need Revolution flea medication which is a minor fortune) spending goes up. If I need dishwashing tablets, laundry detergent (H does not want me to change as my daughter once had an allergic reaction when I tried once and he complained about the scent the other time), paper towels, toilet paper, sanitary supplies or even (and this is sad) fresh fuits and vegetables, the grocery bill is expensive. And EVERYTHING goes up, up, up. Not a week goes by when prices go up and the coupons save less. H ironically spends the most on clothes and shoes, but he needs to dress nicely when he goes into work and feels obligated to for webcam work meetings. Some months ALL my prescriptions refill and that's $100 right there. A car breaks down, well there's zero public transportation here; ride your bike you are just asking to get hit by a car, not many places you can get to by bike, maybe the grocery store & Walmart.

I think because you’re settling into a new place it’s to be expected that you’ll end up spending more during the first month or so getting settled and making the place look/feel like home. I think the important thing is making sure you have enough allotted for essentials during the month, and make sure any necessary bills are paid immediately.

I had a manic episode once where I spent all my rent money which is like very out of character for me.

I think the next step once you’re settled is start putting money into savings and try to get like $1,000 in savings over time for an emergency fund. That’s what I’m working on doing right now.

I have bad spending habits in general. I had a payee from the time I was 19 up until a few months ago (I turn 31 in a few weeks) so my money was always managed for me till now and I’m struggling but I’m working on it. Before I was 19 and on SSI , the years before that my mom and I were homeless and bouncing around a lot so there never was much in terms of money and so when I got older and was on SSI my psychiatrist made it so I had to have a payee because she was concerned about mania and overspending. Thank god she did that. Cause I wasn’t ready to be my own payee back then. I barely am now but at least now I’m working on better spending habits and savings.

I agree with Blueberrybook that some months are just expensive. And, as someone who also moved recently, getting settled into a new place is expensive even if you already have a good amount of stuff to fill the place. This month, I'm spending significantly more than usual because of stuff I need for my new place. For example, the lighting in my place is AWFUL, so I bought a new lamp. But, it isn't enough (the corner where my table is at is super dark) so i need to get another lamp so I can actually see what I'm working on at my table. Because of outlet space, I'll have to get a surge protector when I buy the new lamp so I can plug in everything I need to in this spot of my apartment. Thankfully, I can get a lamp for $10. The lightbulb for the lamp costs more than that.

All that is just to say getting settled into a new space takes both time and money. And, sometimes, you just need new clothes.

Also to your questions, I think some of it comes down to your motivation for shopping and what the spending is doing to your bank account since a person can overspend without being manic.

And if you have credit cards pay off the entire balance due MONTHLY so you do not become a slave to high interest rates. We put most everthing on credit cards as H had a horrific experience with bank fraud which if you think credit card fraud is a pain, it's a cakewalk compared to bank fraud. But we pay off every balance in full each month, and if you will find yourself going outside your means, stick with a bank account and have a credit card for dire emergencies. Though a couple times of year, make a token purchase on it like $20, $25 so they don't close your account. But if even that is too tempting, stick with checks, cash, and debit cards.

I don't really like using the word "need" because to survive I really didn't need anything I got.

To live like a normal person, yeah, I had to pay rent, internet, to do laundry, for pads, for bleach and cleaning rags, toilet paper, the vacuum was pretty necessary post-exterminators, the storage bin helps immensely with keeping all my clothes that don't fit or it's too warm for now most days out of the way, extra towels/cleaning rags/the loose sheet I don't use and extra pillow case, but that wasn't needed.

Then the desk/chair I've been really wanting, but that is far from a need and just a want to have space to put my laptop and a physical notebook next to so I can conveniently use both at the same time. And have a chair that doesn't suck to sit in for more than 15 minutes (which explains the chair cushion--again not a need). I will need the soap and lighter blanket eventually, just don't right now (well, most nights right now for the blanket... it's coming too fast!). I don't need a 4th bra, 2 new shirts and a hoodie I feel okay throughout the summer wearing right now, it just felt like it'd be convenient (the hoodie I'll be grateful for when I can go longer without feeling like dying wearing my prior lightest one). (And then there's the fact if I wasn't so insecure about my body and scars and stuff I could actually go outside in some T-shirts I already have). The coat hooks are super convenient and makes sure my closet floor doesn't get soaked when it rains, but again, not a need.

I will say I would've gone batshyt insane without the bed bug stuff "just in case" or the craft stuff I got (that was literally just $3.75 for glue, scissors, and poster though, but it did give me a break from that day I spent 8 hours cleaning by 10am). The DBT falls in the same category: not a survival need, but a "this might save my sanity" thing.
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I guess I haven't been spending "above my means," in that I'm in or heading towards debt. I do just like to have my bank account close to the SSI asset limit because who knows what's going to happen tomorrow (if I find another bed bug I have to pay for the whole extermination myself next time in addition to how much it costs to put every piece of washable fabric I own through the not very high capacity washer and dryer and it being highly recommended to throw out a bunch of stuff, for an example that's on my mind a lot). After my next deposit I'll be close to it again so I guess this month wasn't horrible.
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I guess looking forward the filter replacement is more a need because no fking way am I drinking our nasty *** city canal tap water straight out of the sink (it is treated and "safe" but gross af). The curtains/rod I can probably just keep looking around until I find something I like that's a decent price because a darker room will help so much especially come it being light out at 10pm and those way too sunny days that just don't agree with me. I love washable period underwear for light days so I don't feel like I'm wasting pads too, but it might be a few months or years before my next cycle starts (or days, in all honesty, but more likely months to years) so I can hold off. I just found out there's a women's pantry a few miles from here that has donation menstrual supplies too, and I was thinking it was just going to be like the domestic violence shelter pantry with really shytty tampons and the same pads you can get for free from the library (if that's stocked) but they have menstrual cups, period underwear, razors, deodorant, all sorts of stuff, so I might check out if they have any of the underwear in my size there when the need arises if it doesn't feel like an expense I can handle at the time.
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If I wasn't a concurrent beneficiary and had that SSI limit though, I'd be kicking my arse way worse for not saving up as much as I could! ("you can't have more than $2000 in assets" really does help the guilt)