Who am I anymore?

I do not know who I am anymore, Im cycling today bad and I wonder who I am.
Erggggggggg

Good question. If you're moods are changing, then you're not your moods. So who are you?

((((((((Purplebutterfly))))))))

i'm sorry you're still going thru this. i personally for one know what you're going thru and how hard it is.

can i ask...has your pdoc got back to you about changing your meds yet? is she doing anything?

please hang in there and don't give up ok? we all care about you and we're here for you. pm me any time you need ok?

Thanks, Im not sure who or where I am these days, I am on the verge of bawling my eyes out, but I am at work, so I have to hold it all in

what about when you get home from work? do you have anyone IRL you can talk to? if not you can always come here and let it out all you need to. it does help and we do listen.

The question "WHAT AM I?" is a famous question posed as a koan (kung an) in Zen culture.

Can you guess what the answer is?

I feel like I am not worth anyone listening to me right now. I want to leave my body and go to another body at times cuz the pain is too much to deal with at times, I am so tired of being like this and it has been forever since I really felt good that I can not remember. Tonight is going to end badly, I can already feel it.

purplebutterfly please don't do anything stupid. you matter to so many people. i know how rough it is waiting to get the right meds. i know crazy you feel, how desperate you get...but you HAVE to try and hang in there! it doesn't feel like it right now but your meds will get sorted and things will start to get better for you. and we are here for you meantime.

Yes I feel all of those things, I just closed my office door and started crying. I can not hold it in anymore, i just feel like people IRL do not understand how hard this is to try to maintain a job a family and normal everyday things while dealing with bipolar. It is so hard. I have a call into my therapist I hope she can get me in soon.

fingers crossed for you that she does.

I do not want this anymore, I want to be happy. Well the therapist called, she is going on vacation and does not have anytime for me basically, and she said if i get really bad I need to go to the hospital-thanks I could've told myself that too. I think I will be changing my therapist as soon as I can. Maybe my therapist is sick of me, I am too and Im sure others out there are as well. So basically I am on my own, I just have to ride this rollercoaster of emotions.

i can't believe she's going on vacation and didn't tell you sooner. if things get too bad before you see her again or another therapist you MUST go to the hospital ok? i know how dangerous the place you're in right now is. i wouldn't be alive when i've been like that before if it wasn't for friends dragging me to the doc or the hospital. before you get to the stage where you're not able to do that for yourself...please go to the hospital if you feel things getting that bad ok? you matter!

Thanks ((((Roz)))). Sorry I am in a bad place today.

never be sorry, we all have bad days. and it's made worse when you don't have the right meds or the right support system in place. don't worry, you can always say how you really feel here...you don't have to pretend or worry about people getting tired of it. we all understand and we're all here to help each other.

Thanks, Lately I do not think I have helped anyone, everyone has tried to help me.

hey i'm sure everyone here would tell you...you have to be strong enough to help yourself first and there's no shame in needing or asking for help just coz you're not in a strong enough place to help anybody else. trust me, we've all been there.

that is a good question really i ask myself everyday who am i and the answer is we are what we make ourselfs life has its porpuse for evryone here this world is what you make of it

I AM?

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changess said:
I AM?

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Yes...you are...

Fondly,

Lenny