Dont know where to start....

Hi everyone,
im new here.Im glad i found this site,it has a lot of info.I was diagnosed last year first with depression and i tried Effexor which was terrible,then it was Cymbalta,Wellbutrin,Zoloft.None of those worked and plus i out on 30lbs.Used to be 110lbs.
So then i found anew doctor and was diagnosed with Bipolar II and was put on Lamictal,im on 400mg now and i dont feel any different.I also take Seroquel for sleep 400mg which is making me gain weight even tough i work out.Also taking Topamax to control the weight,taking 25mg Adderall in the am to wake up and dont eat almost all day.
I was beaten and verbally abused since i was 4yrs old by my father,so was my brother and my mom.Some days when my dad had a bad day at work we were beaten,i hate him so much to this day.He never said he was sorry for what he did and i cannot let go.Im from Bosnia and we left the country in 1992 when the whole war and genocide started so i saw a lot of bad stuff.Anyway eversice i was 15 i started getting bad mood swings,angry,crying spells and depressed.Lamictal isnt helping,none of the drugs are making anything better.I feel good after i workout but recenty i strained my back so i cant workout.
So im even more depressed.My dad also suffers from depression,he was on zoloft and he was happy but got stopped cuz he gained weight,he always complains.
I dont want to be like him but a lot of times im like him.I have a loving husband.We got married in 2004 and he has been there for me always.But lately he just doesnt see what im going through and im not getting the support.I shouldnt wait for him to make me happy.I need to make myself happy.
I just want to be happy and find a medicine that will help me control these moods and i will do the res.
Lately i just dont wanna get out of bad and wish i was a different person.I have my next appt with my doc july 11th and gonna ask him to stop Seroquel,i dont want to gain anymore weight and i need something for the anxiety attacks.Klonapin isnt helping.Ugh,how come nothing is working.How come i find a negative in everything?
I used to go to therapy but it was $75/hr,i cant afford it
Any advice?
what meds worked for you guys?
Any suggestions
thanks for reading
sorry for the long post

Hi Jenna. Don't worry about the long post - I've posted much longer than that.

How long have you been on Seroquel? Weight gain is a possible side effect, but it only affects 6% of patients. Is your weight gain sudden and rapid and out of the ordinary? Are there any other changes in your life which might account for it?

How long have you been on Lamictal? My wife was diagnosed with Bipolar II in May, and it took over a full month for her to really feel the positive effects.

You mention about your husband "lately he just doesnt see what im going through and im not getting the support." . How much are you telling him about what you're feeling and experiencing, and how much are you keeping to yourself? Also, how much reading have the both of you done about Bipolar II disorder? Speaking from experience, especially as a guy, it's extremely hard to support someone who's suffering from a disease that isn't understood.

Hi jenna22,

Never feel like you have to apologize for your posts here! We all come as we are and we are all here for friendship and support through these trying times.

I remember when I was properly diagnosed Bipolar and the roller coaster ride that I went on initially with my medication. I know how difficult it seems now but you will find a balance. Keep in mind sweetheart that you may need to go through several different combinations before something actually works for you. If weight gain has been an issue, Topamax will be a huge step in the right direction in curbing your appetite and balancing your mood. It has been one of my miracle meds.

You need to make sure you have a good support system. If you do not have insurance that allows for therapy sessions, call your local church any denomination (United Methodist, Catholic Social Services) and see if they offer some kind of free therapy. It sounds like it may be a good idea to include your husband in these sessions to ensure he knows how to deal with your Bipolar Disorder and to also learn how to handle his own feelings on the matter.

I wish you luck and good health Jenna. Stay strong and remember it will get better, just don't give up!

{{{{{Jenna}}}}}

Sweetie, i feel for you!

Finding the right meds is a HUGE chore. I have yet to find mine and I have tried combos of several you mentioned as well as a long list of others including Lithium. Of all I tried over several years, Lithium got the job done. The real crux is weighing your symptoms against the side effects. For me, the side effects were more debilitating than my symptoms.

The meds are only part of the answer. Finding your support system is another part. Even if your husband is as supportive and understanding as he can be, and learns as much as he can about bipolar disorder, he will never be able to understand the way others with the disorder can. This website has helped me more than any med ever could.

These other things have helped me:

Music Therapy--my best days often start with listening to classical piano music. I've read that it can change your body from acid to alkaline...I don't know if that's true but it works miracles for me!

Pet Therapy--animals give you unconditional, pure love.

Hugging! When I come home, no matter my mood, I hug each of my family members. I am much less likely to have an outburst at them when i do this because I'm keenly aware that I care deeply for them and they for me.

Avoiding people who trigger anxiety, anger, or negativity.

Filling my time with creative projects like gardening & music.

Jenna, I wish you success in your journey...you have come so far and have far to go. I think your story will inspire many. Keep in touch.

Hey there. i hope it will all work out for you. its a sad story, the beginning of you life , oh my.
I my self just hit the hospital yesterday. i´m very scared and i dont know what to do.i´m also glad i found this site. i´m doped with Zyprexa right now, so i´ll be sleeping in a while. i´m not started on any medic treatment yet. but they say that monday wil be the day. write me if you feel like it. i feel alone, and could really need a chat.
cosmo

I hope you find the right med combo soon. I'm on Lamictal and the generic of Effexor, but as you said Effexor doesn't work for you. I'm not surprised the Cymbalta doesn't either as they are similar in the way they work. Lamictal takes quite a while to really kick in, it took me about 10 weeks, so don't give up until you've given it plenty of time.

thank you all for the sweet words.I know im not the only one who has issues.I just need to learn how to let go and forgive and forget the past and move on.There is a light at the end of this tunnel,i know it.
Im trying so hard to be positive.But my mood swings are driving me crazy.my hubby does Ironmans and lots of bike races so on july 15th through 22nd we are staying at this cute weekend house with other pps that are doing the race.Im freaking out.just thinking about it i have an anxiety attack.The klonapin doesnt work at all for my anxiety.what should i ask my doctor for?im seeing him on july 11th