[dueNorth]

I just want to scream, I can barely stand it. Have been talking with my brother on yahoo this morning, and while I know he is try to help, I don't think he quite gets it. Don't wait on the State he says, yeah well I can't work I don't have much choice in the matter. Go out and get new cloths, and how do i do that on 400 a month? when my bills are over 1000 a month? ugh... I just want to cry, I feel so damn low right now I can't believe it.

I never asked for this, I don't want it, I don't need it. Go out and socialize he says, where? with who? I have no friends here, and those people that see me look the other way. I feel like one of the forgotten, god He does not even stop by for a visit just to see how things are going, while logicly I know it is not ttrue, I feel he is like the rest. He doesn't want to be around me, bacuse of the way I am. As my dad says I am not fun to be arouund.

Everything is going down the drain and he says I need to think positive. I have to have good self - talk, yeah well things are going down the drain and the harder I sttruggle and fight to pull myself back up it only gettings worse. Something else comes around and slaps me so dang hard , but then again I love the pain don't you know.

Is there no end to it, I just want to cry. I just want to disappear.

[MyBestKids2]

Sorry things are so horrible right now. I understand you have been to a therapist, how's that working for you? Are you considering going to a psychiatrist to perhaps see if medication might aid you in feeling a bit better?

Wishing you luck, and keeping you close in my thoughts.

Take care,
Dee

[Angel_of_the_Past]

[dueNorth]

I see my therapist once a week, usually on Wed. mornings at the V.A. and yes I take 3 different medications. One at night. that I take just before bed, because it can cause me to see things that are not there ( and that has happened acouple of times.) I have medication for my panic attacks that I take when I need it, though I am sure the dr. would prefer me to take them once a day. But they drag me down so bad that it is hard for me to even think about moving. Then I take medication for pain , lower back, hips and shoulder.

Some times, I can get into a really dazed and confused periods from it all. Which is a known side effect I guess. I'm not one to pop pills, in the past I would have to be in extreme pain even for headaches before I took anything for it. I really do not want to be taking what I am now, but I realize that I must, because I will end up hurting someone or myself and/or go completely off the deep end.

So I am working on it all, I haven't given up and can't give up.... it's just not with in me to do so. Family trait I guess, my mother suffered from depression as well as 2 of my grand parents. So I guess it runs in the genes.

Thanks for the thoughts

[dueNorth]

Thanks