[agony007]

having a very rough day today. feeling very crazed!! just wanted to let that out.

[reddevil]

((((((((((((((agony))))))))))))

It's ok to get things like that out.. that's what PC is here for.

You're not crazy though. You have a serious illness, but you're not crazy.

[Direction]

Good to get it out...good to be somewhat understood by people who can understand ..my mom clueless...doesn't understand...or avoids...

What is making it a rough day?

[LoneRose]

You are not alone.. my day has been really hard too

[agony007]

(((lonerose))), so sorry you are having a bad day too. it really sucks. well i think the culprit of my having a bad day was the fact that i didn't have the right dose of my meds sunday night, instead of taking the 400mg that i usually take, i took 50mg because that was all i had left. i forgot to pick up my Rx early on sunday, by the time i got home the pharmacy was closed. so i was screwed. my day got even worse yesterday when my car key got stuck in the ignition and i ended up having to take it to the dealership. ARGH!! very bad day!! so now i am at work, don't know if my car will be fixed today, don't know if i'll get home on time to pick up my kids from afterschool. will have to see if my aunt can pick them up for me. hence another bad day. well actually i am feeling better emotionally, i don't feel "crazed" like yesterday. yesterday i literally felt like screaming at the top of lungs anywhere i stood. thank God my hubby got my meds, and i was able to take the right dose last night. well that's all for now. Thank all of you who posted in support for me, i really appreciate you taking the time out to do that. much love to you all.

agony

[rfcsruth]

Wow, does not taking your meds do that to you?

I've missed doses and gotten a little crazy, but just thought I was weak because I couldn't control it myself.

I just thought that everyone around me was just wrong in them thinking that I was "different" when I wasn't on my meds. I missed my anti psychotics and got a little weird in my thinking.

Anyway I've been regular on my meds since Thursday and I feel better. Is this common?

[agony007]

i am not sure if it is common, maybe someone else can shed some light on that. i know that's how i react and it has happened to me on more than one occassion so that's why i can recognize that, that's whats happening. so i try to keep up with my meds to avoid days like those, because they are very difficult.

[jack_holden]

Is there anything that helps when you've got that "crawling-out-of-my-skin" feeling? That's among my wife's biggest complaints. Light back rubs sometimes do the trick. Then she finally, blessedly, falls asleep for a while.

[agony007]

i don't experience that feeling. i'm more impulsive and irritable. i feel like running away and screaming at the top of my lungs. i feel like i lose complete control of myself and it's very difficult for me to function well on those days. and it's really terrible because as you mentioned, it is hard to fall asleep no matter how much you want to. because honestly i would prefer to sleep than have those feelings. i feel terrible because my children and my husband get the short end of the stick on those days since everything "annoys" me. and because i am not in control of my feelings, it is very difficult to have an ordinary day where i can help my children with their homework and cook and interact with them. they both want attention that at those moments i cannot provide. so in a nutshell, i try to be consistent with my meds to avoid those days, but to be honest it is still difficult to predict, even when on meds, what mood i am going to wake up with. when i am on my meds as prescribed, i try to plan my day based on my mood. so if i am feeling depressed, i try to interact with others and get out with the kids to go visit family or friends. i fight the desire to stay in bed by doing that, because before i would just isolate myself and cut off all communication with everyone. now i try to do the contrary. if i am in a good mood, or maybe a bit too joyous, i embrace it because i have more energy to do things that need to get done and i do things for my kids and husband. so i guess it comes with experience and learning coping strategies that work for you, in this case your wife. does she see a therapist? or just a pdoc? if she does not see a therapist you may want to look into that, a therapist can help with giving suggestions of coping strategies that will work for her. i know that in your previous posts that i have responded to, you mentioned that your wife was bipolar, however, i notice that the episodes you have mentioned are all depressive episodes. does she ever experience any symptoms of mania?

[raisin70]

Can any one help me with some answers. Our son was diagnosed with bp after 2 yrs of unexplained problems. He also has a drug problem. We sent him to a wilderness program to try and help with the drug issue. He has freaked out and thrown hot water in a counselors face. The counselor is ok but our son is out of the program. He has described rages and has been verbally abusive to us but never physically. He is on trilptal and that doesn't seem to help at all. The money and pain we have gone thru is becoming truly unbearable. Are these rages part of the disorder? He is 16. We are brokenhearted. It seems no one can help him. We feel horrible that we made a mistake sending him to this program when he was never medicated properly. Please help with any advice. Thanks

[JourneyUpward]

Hi Raisin,
I am truly sorry for what your son, you and your family have been through. You didn't mention whether or not your son is seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist. In my experience, a regular MD messed me up by prescribing an antidepressant that had bad side affects for me--I was so messed up from the drus (mind fog, loss of emotion) I didn't realize it. He didn't follow-up either. When I got another MD, I eventually was referred to a Psychiatrist. He realized right away that the med was getting toxic, got me off and on another. Psychiatrists are well trained to recognize the various mental disorders, and know how to watch for symptoms of side effects. Mine has helped me a great deal. There's a lot of work besides the meds, involved in getting well, for the patient, the family and the psychdoc (and therapist if one is involved.) A lot of work. I am getting tired of it and I know that's not good so I come here for advice and encouragement from time to time. I hope I've helped you at least a little. Don't give up the fight--you are your son's best advocate. You might try keeping a journal of his mood swings, what might have happened (or been eaten) to trigger the changes, how severe they were, what type they were and your and your son's observations of how he felt at various times of the day (and were the meds taken on time--critical). When I give this to my pdoc(psychiatrist) he is very appreciative--he says it really a help to him and takes notes from it.
This site is a great wealth of info and full of wonderful people who really care. I hope you have found a home here.
Wishing you and yours health and peace,
JourneyUpward

[raisin70]

Hi Journey Upwards,
Thanks so much for your info. My son has now gone from the wilderness program to a school where there will be a psychiatrist involved everyday. I spoke to the nurse and she was optimistic about helping D. He is so far from us. All these programs are out west. The nurse feels he will be helped by finding the proper meds which no one has found yet. He was also given anti depressants and was terribly messed up from those. When we finally saw a regular psychiatrist he told us that was like throwing gas on the fire for a bipolar person. I am just so upset he did something so violent. He has never done anything like that before. The counselors felt he was so desperate he would do anything to speak to us and try to get us to take him home. That is not an option. His psychiatrist here said it is best for him to be in a long term residential treatment program for now. They will offer college prep classes and let him get caught up in school. I am afraid to hope for anything it has been such a long nightmare. I know what you mean about getting tired of it. Hang in there. I wish you much luck in your journey and thank you for your help, Raisin

[JourneyUpward]

Hi Raisin,
So glad I could be of some help. I'm glad that your pdoc finally realized that the antidepressant was a big part of your son's problem.
Finding the right drugs takes time since everyone's body has it's own unique chemical make-up. If your son isn't normally so violent as the day you described, than it very well could have been a chemically driven impulse. I had a day like that and I'm normally very quiet and self controlled to a fault. But, I was reacting to a med change--extremely frustrated, very anxious, super agitated and irate at the same time. It was a chemical reaction and since I never experienced anything like it before, I didn't know what to do--it took over and I took a pen knife stabbed the door frame with it several times. It released the energy, but it was foolish of me. Now I know to get on the treadmill or rebounder to burn off the negative energy.
Perhaps your son could run around a track? So many folks have said running is a great outlet for those overwhelming negative feelings. The trick is to how to tell when they are coming on and do something immediately, like running, to stave them off.
Keep me posted--you'll be in my prayers. I'll be a shoulder to cry on if you need me. I'd also like to cheer on your son's successes--and yours too
Best wishes, health and peace,
JourneyUpward

[raisin70]

Hi Journey,Thanks for your reply. I am really new to this so I'm not sure how to work all this but at least I can figure out how to write my letters. I did look at one of your posts from several months ago. You mentioned you didn't remember things you had done or conversations from just moments before. That seems to be how D feels after he threw the soup. He said he couldn't believe he had done that and didn't really remember. I think I said he had never really been on the right meds. He only saw the psychiatrist 2x before we sent him to the wilderness to try and get him off all the illegal drugs he was doing. I know the counselor thinks he was just manipulating to get a call from us. You see we haven't spoken to him since Oct 21. He is 1000 miles away from us in this program and he never earned his phone privledges. He is now in this new program with a fulltime psychiatrist and will probably be put on Lamictal. He will probably be there for 6 months and we will get to visit. I am so torn because he did something so terrible and I know he needs consequences for that but what if his mood disorder is truly so out of control now he isn't controling it? I know he is desperate and feels he has no love in his troubled life now. I am so brokenhearted about all this I can't stop crying. We had a wonderful life till he hit 8th grade and all the problems started. We were very close and have a wonderful extended family. It breaks my heart to tell my parents all this. My son was so close to them and i know they just don't understand all this. They are older and don't use the computer or understand there are many people with these issues. I never realized it until now myself. I just can't get past this violent thing he did. When you hear about things like school shootings and kids snapping it scares me to death. Like I said he has never been physically violent before. When he first started having problems and described his mind racing that is when he started his drug use to quiet things down. As things progressed he told us he had lost all emotions. He only felt anger. I hope and pray they can help him at this new school. I have to pack up his clothes and send them out today. The holidays will be coming up and i don't know how I can bear it but my husband is very supportive and tells me we have to be strong and trust this program will finally help us find answers ,help him turn his life around and eventually find happiness again. I haven't told my parents the latest bad news about D so I will do that this weekend. Sorry for this long rambling letter. We have had a difficult 2yrs with D in all kinds of trouble but these last few days are just almost unbearable for me. I have a younger son who is 13 and a great kid with no problems so I have to stay strong for him too. I hope I can talk to D on the phone soon. Thank you for your friendship and support. I am here for you too,
Best Wishes
Raisin

[madisgram]

hi raisin,
sounds like you took action and things are looking up for your son. i'm a mom too so i could really relate to your feelings about to help your son's bipolar. one word of encouragement from me- once he is put on meds that help his bipolar he will be so much better. it took some trial and error with my case but it has been well worth it. i returned to a high stressed career after getting stable and enjoyed 7 more years of working.
i'm sure your son knows you are his best advocate. hope he continues to improve.
jan

[raisin70]

Thanks madisgram, It is good to hear success stories. We are struggling to understand if our son is really bipolar or if he did something terrible because he was so desperate to get out of the wilderness program. He has been diagnosed as bp but I don't really understand it. This violence was such a shock because he is very angry, which his doc said is one of the main signs of bp in teens ,but has never been physically violent. He is in a school that looks very hopeful to us in discovering his problem and finding what the right meds will be. I guess this episode made me feel like maybe he is just a bad person but he never was like this till 2 years ago and that is when he told us there was something wrong with his mind because his thoughts just raced all the time. I think it was becoming unbearable to him and that is when he started self medicating with his own drugs. Seems to be such a viscious cycle. Thank you for the hope, Raisin

[GeneticlyBipolar1]

Hey Agony, and everyone else. I am a complete rookie for what my mind and emotions team up on me and do. Bipolar runs in my faily. Only 2 years ago, I have just realized, noticed and excepted that I am Bipolar too. I have 2 kids and a husband, 4 & 3 months old. For the last two years of my marriage I have been pretty hard to deal with. I have done and said things I regret, dearly. Some I should be ashamed of, or feel embarrassed that I did or said. Really. And I just recently contacted the Mental Health orgs in my area wanting to start treatment, litterally! I read you alls threads and I know I need to be medicated, and receiving Mental Health treatment in it's entirety. Everything you mention I have been experiencing. And atlease your family can kid of chuck it off to a bad day, missed MEDS or otherwise. So they are regularly relieved, as you , because your'e on MEDS and managing it. I feel like if I don't get MEDS soon, I may wear my husband out, split my family, all things I don't want to happen. I feel at the wits end or something, like it's about time to be treated. I realize, it's no joke. I'm gonna keep calling MH, because I need my referrel, I need this form of care in my life. I don't wanna be destructive in anyway. I'm up or down, never even my husband said a while back.

Wish me luck. Any advice from all is WELCOMED