[kybodyguard]

Inside My Head There is A Wheel.The Mouse Wheel,The Faster My Thoughts Are The Faster The Wheel Turns. I often Worry A Lot More Than I Should but I Do.Its A Bad Habit.The Thoughts Race and Then The Wheel Spins Faster.The Stress Builds As The Wheel Goes Faster.I Fear of someday It Going To Fast.Oh It Slows Down But When It Does I get So Down About Life My Faith In God is The Only Thing That Saves Me.But I Await The Day And Worry When Even It Wont Help.Life Has Its Ups And Downs.The Questions,How,When,Where,And Oh Yes WHY About My Lifes Illnesses.I have Had A Heart Attack,Sleep Apnea,Diabetes,High Blood Pressure,Copd,And I wiegh 315 lbs And Im 511 I Am over 130 pounds overweight.But The Wheel Still Turns Again And Again The Thoughts Hammer Those Same Questions.See When I was 8 My Mom Tried Suicide.She spends the rest of Her Life in A Home.She Was Declared Mental In the 70s.She Was Given A Lot Of Shock Therapy.These questions scare me as Well As What The Answers Could Be.But What Scares Me The Most Of The Results Of That Speeding Mouse Wheel.I am Currently On 200 mg of Zoloft,3 doses of visteril 50 mg,and 30 mg of Remeron For Sleep,And 1000mg of Depakote At Bedtime/Sometimes These work And Sometimes I Awake and can Barely Go Back Sleep For The Wheel Turning.I have thought of Suicide But Part of Me Says STOP.Maybe someday the wheel will Stop but I fear The outcome.

[krzyk101]

Hi kybodyguard,

I understand the 'wheel' as you say in your mind. I feel similar alot in my mind as you refer to the 'wheel' which is a good name for it. For me, it is such a type of distraction to me.

Only I am glad you see that Suicide is not an option to stop the wheel. Do you have a Therapist who you can talk to about this? Which seems to be causing you much distress as I see it, to ponder suicide. I would say currently I am struggling with this as well.

Do the rapid thoughts combined with the depression cause you problems with communication? I know when it all adds up for me as it does so much, I find difficulty communicating with people. I have had to have many medication changes over the years, and doing or thougts of doing so as I should be doing myself only seems to be the fear of a new med or med change causes my mind to go even faster with the 'doomsday thoughts' and the 'What if" thoughts.

I hope you have someone to talk to about how you are feling, and how much this is distressing you in your daily life. I know that 5'11 and 300+ pounds gets to be all kinds of crazy in itself as I am in the same physical boat with you in those ways. I do hope that things will get better and for hopes of your mind slowing down. Please let us know how you are doing and I just want to let you know that someone else feels this way too.