[jack_holden]

New member here. Thanks in advance for listening.

My wife of 26 years was diagnosed as bipolar two years ago. Last year she attempted suicide twice and was hospitalized twice. This year has has its ups and downs, obviously. Part of it, of course, has been due to the struggle to find the right medications. Recently she went on lithium and it hasn't great so far. Last week I went away for a few days and came back to find that she'd made another half-hearted suicide attempt.

At this point I'm torn in various directions. In addition to love, concern and pity, there's also a strong urge to get out and get on with life. That, of course, is followed by guilt. More and more, every day, I find myself saying I can't take this anymore, and then I do. I can't be this honest with anyone in my family, so thanks for letting me vent here.

[agony007]

jack, welcome to pc. so sorry to hear that you are going through this. it can be very difficult for one's spouse. i know because my hub has to deal with me and it isn't easy. i can understand where you are coming from. i hope they can find the right med for her soon.

[momofboys321]

I'm sorry that you're going throuh all of this. My husband says that it is very hard to be married to someone with bipolar. He says that he never knows which wife he is going to have that day. He said that it's very hard to determine which mood I am in so he can "deal with me accordingly". I feel sorry for the spouses of bipolars. Marriage is hard enough without adding the disorder into it, but when the disorder is present, jeez, lol. It's not funny I know. I just hope that she can get the help she needs. I'm just starting on this journey as well, so feel free to ventany time. I know I will be, lol. Good Luck.

Holly

[Slothrop]

Originally Posted by jack_holden

At this point I'm torn in various directions. In addition to love, concern and pity, there's also a strong urge to get out and get on with life. That, of course, is followed by guilt.

Sorry you're going through this. My spouse has her own mental issues, which is tons of fun combined with mine...

You're a good guy to hang in there. Do you feel your wife is putting a lot into getting better? Or is she having trouble doing that?

Sorry the lithium isn't going so well. For some people (including me) it reduces suicidal thoughts...I guess that is not working for her.

Do you see any kind of counselor? As a supporter, you need support too...

[jack_holden]

Thanks much for your support. She slept for much of the weekend and we've now built up her strength enough for her weekly trip to her psychiatrist, which is about 45 minutes away. You're nice to validate me for hanging in here, but I don't feel particularly noble. Mostly guilty for not being nurturing enough. I'm not much good at that.

As you say, hopefully the lithium will begin to work. Meanwhile, thanks again for your thoughts.

Jack

[agony007]

best of luck with the pdoc appt. she must be on a downer now since you mentioned that she slept throughout the weekend. do you guys have any children? i am sure it's hard for you to go to work and then have to take on complete responsibility of the home as well. i know because it was very difficult for my hubby when i got very depressed and wouldn't get out of bed or the sofa. i wouldn't even talk to him, and on the rare occasions when i did, i would go on about how i didn't want to live anymore. when i was hospitalized he had a very rough time because it was the first time he realized just how sick i was, and he spent alot of time crying. very sad. but now i am on a med that works for me and i am doing alot better. so with that said there is hope, and i really hope that they can find the right meds for her so she can also resume her life. unfortunately when you're in that state you become very selfish and you can't see how your behavior affects your partner and it's very difficult to snap out of the irrational thoughts that you're having. keep us posted. take care.

agony

[CrazyTinkerbell]

I think just by you coming on here and asking questions and feeling guilty makes you a caring person. Not that I'm saying feeling guilty is good but that you a good consience. I'm sorry that you have to go through what you do. This is a great place to be to ask questions and get some support for yourself. I can say your wife is lucky to have a husband like you. My husband won't even make himself knowledgable about BP. When things happen he just says I'm going to make excuses and use the BP as an excuse. I can go on forever but I would be happy if he just learned more about it and how I feel. Kudos to you and welcome to PC.

[jack_holden]

Thanks again for the support. Yesterday her psychiatrist agreed to take her off lithium immediately. She complained that it made her clumsy, made everything including water taste bad, and, most compelling, it wasn't working, as evidenced by her latest suicide attempt. So now we're down to Lamictal and Klonopin. And last night she didn't sleep at all again. She's downstairs doing busywork projects as usual until she drops from fatigue. God help us.

[agony007]

i'm glad that the pdoc made whatever changes were necessary. i hope that the lamictal will help her soon. since it was only yesterday that it was prescribed you gotta give it a little time to settle into her system and take effect. has the doctor ever prescribed a sleep med for her? maybe if they give her something for sleep and she takes it at the same time each day it may help with getting her to bed on regular schedule and possibly avoid her getting overly involved in projects. now this may or may not work, because some people who are experiencing mania have a difficult time falling asleep even with the help of a sleep med. i know that is true for me at least. again i hope the lamictal helps.

[jack_holden]

I should have made it clear that she's been on lamictal right along. Now they're cutting back to just that and klonopin. I'll ask about sleep aids, but since that what she abused the other day, it might be tricky. Somebody asked earlier about kids. Ours are grown and moved away, which has been very hard on my wife.

[agony007]

so in essence they are continuing on with a medication that has obviously not be helpful to her? that doesn't sound right to me. have they ever tried abilify or seroquel? have they tried any anti-depressant meds in the past? i've heard that lamictal has helped many but if it is not working for your wife i don't know why they would drop everything else and just leave her on it and the klonopin which is typically prescribed for anxiety. and as far as the sleep aids, it may be difficult to get them now that they have record that she used them in a suicide attempt. in addition it may not be a good idea since she used them for that cause. can it be that because she is missing the kids that may be trigerring her depression? has she openly discussed how she feels to you or the therapist?

[Schatje]

How long has she been on the Lamictal and at what dosage? That med can take a long time to get up to a theraputic dosage and begin to really work. Hang in there.